The Creepy Sign Your Boyfriend Secretly Thinks Of You As His 'Mommy'

Plus, how to get yourself out of the 'mommy zone' and back where you belong.

Last updated on Mar 15, 2024

woman coddling her boyfriend  Susannah Townsend | Canva

Whether you're a mother or someone who has never changed a diaper, you could be coddling your partner or spouse. Yes, even you.

Now, let's get something clear. We all like to be doted on sometimes. We all like to feel adored. But what I'm talking about here are the women who think they need to "take care of their man" in order to keep him around. Here's the problem: doting on a man like a mother does will eventually turn him off.


The biggest sign he sees you as a mother, not a love who is a true partner? He has a "tantrum" when he doesn't get what he wants. 

We need to leave it up to mothers to act like mothers. If you spend more time scrubbing bubbles and washing dishes and less time with them kissing your neck, you need to see why you could be in the “mommy zone”.

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How to get out of the 'mommy zone' when he stops seeing you as a full partner 

1. Stop being clingy.

People get frustrated when women act like they are the center of the universe. Do you expect them to go shopping with you, join you while you're getting a manicure, and force them to go to your cousin's baby shower? They are expected to fulfill your every little need. This is a lot of pressure for anyone. It will turn them off, and they will either become a “whatever you say dear,” type of partner, or they will run as fast as they can.


Solution: Do yourself and your partner a favor. Get a life outside the relationship. Do things for yourself without them. When you are having a night out, they will miss you and appreciate you more when you are with them.



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2. Stop pestering.

Just like mommy saying, “Pick up your toys, wear something that matches, and take your scraps to the compost,” can turn into “Take out the trash, would ya?” or “Call me when you get there, I don't want to worry” or “the gutter has trees growing out of it, you really should clean them out.” These words scream Mommy! Then, in a tinny robot voice in their mind, they hear, “Must go hide and get away from her."


Solution: Don't demand anything. Learn to say, “Honey, would you please help me with the dishes so we can spend special time together tonight?” I guarantee they will hear you then.

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3. Stop emotional drama.

“You're 30 minutes late, and now dinner is cold. I can't believe you would do this to me. I've been cooking this homemade marinara sauce just for you!” Yikes. They were stuck in traffic after work, getting hungry, and missing you. As soon as they walk in the door, they lose their appetite. But they feel obligated to eat because they fear the potential conflict.

Solution: Learn to keep your drama to yourself. If you need to vent, don't make them wrong for it. They didn't cause the traffic jam. They were just part of it. Instead, you can say “I felt really disappointed when you weren't home for dinner in time, but it's nice to see you now. I would love a hug." Doesn't that feel better? I can guarantee it will feel better to them.




Keep your love strong when you're dealing with your partner. They were told what to do for at least 18 years by their mother. They are an adult now. They have a life of their own. If you want to be a part of it, don't act like their mother.

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Dina Colada is an author, speaker, and dating coach who specializes in helping single women navigate the modern world of online dating. Her work has appeared on sites like Prevention, MSN, Women’s Health, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk.