11 Quiet Regrets Gen X Dads Have About How They Treated Their Kids Growing Up
“Maybe that wasn’t the best way to raise our kid…”
goodluz / Shutterstock Ah, Gen X. When they were young adults, they were known as “Generation Strange,” but these days, they tend to be the older parents in the room. Much like how Boomers had their own regrets with child-rearing, Gen X dads have their own regrets when it comes to how they brought up their brood.
But, what exactly does the generation famous for its rebellious streak regret? You might be surprised. (Or not.)
These are 11 regrets Gen X dads have about how they treated their kids growing up
1. Allowing too much screen time
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For many dads, there was a certain amount of bonding that happened with their kids over gaming. Almost every child raised by Gen X dads spent at least one weekend playing video games with dad. (Sonic the Hedgehog, anyone?)
These days, there are tons of studies on the bad effects of screen time on both young and old kids. In fact, over half of all parents regret giving their kids smartphones!
2. Not spending enough time with their kids outdoors
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Gen X was one of the last generations to really enjoy childhoods where parents told them to “come home when the street lights turned on.” For many Gen Z kids, the idea of riding bikes around town alone, unsupervised, late at night seems to be a fever dream.
Gen X became pretty nervous about letting their kids outdoors without supervision, often due to trauma they experienced in their own past. Some dads definitely wish they gave their kids more time outdoors.
3. Giving their kids too much supervision
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Gen X was the first generation of helicopter parents. You know that type, right? The anxious parents who kept hovering over their kids? Dads were less likely to hover when compared to moms, but it still happened.
This well-meaning parenting style turned out to be disastrous, to say the least. Researchers now suggest that constant supervision might contribute to younger generations’ codependence or hyperdependence.
4. Being tiger dads
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Gen X was famous for being pretty overprotective when compared to Boomer parents, and at times, it went way too far. Tiger parenting is a good example of this. This is a form of helicopter parenting that pushes students to work themselves to the bone in order to get into Ivy League schools.
Gen X dads who took the tiger parenting approach often raised kids who were anxious, terrified of them, or even traumatized to the point of going no-contact. As it turns out, an Ivy League degree doesn’t mean much if your kids can’t stand you.
5. Encouraging their kids to question authority
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Most Gen X men grew up with Boomer parents who demanded respect for authority from them, often to the point of Gen X rebelling against the status quo. After all, Gen X was one of the first generations to embrace club culture, punk culture, and even emo culture.
Gen X dads tended to encourage kids to question authority. This often worked out well, but when it didn’t, it really didn’t!
6. Acting like their kids' therapist
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Did you ever notice how many Gen X dads tend to really try to listen to their kids? This is a great trend since most Boomer parents ignored their children. The problem is that some Gen X dads took that desire to listen and connect a bit too far.
Unlike their pasts, which often involved silent dads, Gen X dads want to talk to their kids about everything. Sometimes, well-meaning dads end up getting a little too wrapped up in their kids’ lives. It’s okay to let kids figure things out themselves, dads!
7. Being hyper-critical
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For every Gen X dad that went all in on being loving, nurturing, and caring, there’s a Gen X dad that really hasn’t healed from trauma that happened when they were younger. On Quora, many Gen Z adults have mentioned that their Gen X parents have made them “feel worthless.”
This often happens when Gen X parents came from hyper-strict families that demanded perfection in kids. Unfortunately, dads who internalized this might act the same way with their kids. In many cases, Gen X dads don’t realize that their criticisms or shouting matches come from trauma. They honestly think they’re doing their best.
8. Worrying too much about stranger danger
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The hangup that Gen X dads had on supervising kids also had a little corollary: stranger danger! This concept emerged in the 1980s and 1990s, highlighting the dangers associated with children interacting with strangers, getting into suspicious vehicles, or accepting gifts from unknown individuals.
While the government pushed this quite a bit, it was misguided when it first came out. Most abuse and kidnappings happen at the hands of people who are known to the child. Dads might be regretting that a bit these days.
9. Pushing zero tolerance bullying policies
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Gen X dads grew up on playgrounds where bullies were dealt with via flying fists. This didn’t fly when they became parents. Quite the opposite. Gen X dads were the ones who helped push “Zero-Tolerance” teaching into the schools.
Many older Gen X dads seem to regret this because calling teachers over mean texts and trying to raise awareness clearly doesn’t work. If anything, it might even be contributing to school violence.
10. Worrying too much about who their kids were friends with
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While moms are often painted as the more anxious of Gen X parents, the truth is, dads get skeptical about who their kids hang out with, too. Parents often think they’re doing right by their kids by making it hard for them to hang out with the wrong crowd.
What they often don’t realize is that the wrong crowd often features kids who are just figuring out life. At the end of the day, a lot of Gen X parents end up alienating themselves from their kids when they push away friends. It’s not a good look.
11. Not spending enough time with their kids
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It’s true what everyone says: they grow up so fast. Even though Gen X dads tend to be far more present than Baby Boomer dads were, the truth is that they might still regret not being there for their kids. Sure, work calls. Paying the bills matters.
That doesn’t mean that Dad doesn’t regret having to skip out on their kid’s soccer game or miss their daughter’s prom night. Unfortunately, some regrets are just ones you can’t really avoid having. That’s not a failure of parenting. That’s just life.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
