11 Things You Likely Had To Learn Alone If You Were Raised By Gen X Parents
Being raised by Gen X parents often meant fending for yourself and figuring things out solo.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock If you were raised by Gen X parents, then you most likely grew up with a unique blend of independence and emotional improvisation. Often referred to as the latchkey generation, Gen X favored a parenting style that valued practicality, shaped by the social changes and economic uncertainty they experienced during their own upbringing.
Gen X was innovative in many ways, such as pioneering work-life balance and challenging traditional career paths. Growing up during the final years of the Cold War and the emergence of the AIDS epidemic, Generation X is made up of survivors who instilled their hard-earned grit in their children, which meant that Gen X left many vital life skills and emotional lessons for their kids to discover on their own.
Here are 11 things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by Gen X parents
1. How to regulate your emotions
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Regulating your emotions as a child was largely learned on your own. Many Gen Xers raised their children the same way that their baby boomer parents raised them, where emotions were not openly discussed. You were encouraged to figure things out on your own. Without explicit lessons on emotional intelligence, you might have relied on observations or even books and media to piece together strategies for coping with life.
Parents often teach their children lessons that they deem valuable. A study from Belgium found that parents who viewed emotions as valuable and manageable were more likely to support their children's emotional development. This was not the case for Gen X, who taught their children practical lessons based on logic, not emotion. It was practical for your child to be self-aware, but with that came the cost of their not being able to express their emotions properly.
2. The importance of mental health
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Gen X parents value resilience as a personality trait, so when the topic of mental health came up, they may have dismissed it and told you to hold your head up high to push through. As a child, you probably had to turn to friends, books, or even strangers for advice rather than your parents. What they didn't realize at the time is that prioritizing mental well-being is a powerful act of self-care and resilience.
Despite not taking mental health seriously for their own children, Gen Xers seem to be struggling with it. A study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology revealed that Generation X exhibits higher levels of depression and anxiety compared to previous generations at the same age. As adults, many did encourage their children to get the kind of therapy their baby boomer parents didn't think was necessary for them, but that certainly wasn't always the case.
3. Basic cooking skills
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Gen X parents often relied on frozen TV dinners and boxed macaroni for their children, as it was quicker and easier to prepare. This is because, as parents, they had a lot to balance between home life and work. These highly processed foods weren't necessarily good for you, but they got the job done.
On the rare occasion they did cook a family meal, they probably didn't take the additional time necessary to teach their children the skills to prepare it for themselves. Many times, this was done out of convenience, while other times, Gen X parents weren't confident in their own ability to cook.
A study published in Appetite found that parents who feel confident in their cooking skills are more likely to prepare home-cooked meals, which can reduce children’s consumption of ultra-processed foods. So, you may not have learned how to cook an egg, but you can make a mean mac and cheese.
4. How to apply for college or financial aid
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If you were raised by Gen X parents, you probably had to figure out how to apply for college and financial aid on your own. This generation praised a do-it-yourself attitude, especially when it came to higher education. Navigating FASFA or learning the difference between grants, loans, and scholarships was not their forte.
Unfortunately, for their teenage children, this caused them to sign up for predatory loans at a young age without actually knowing what that would mean for them in the long term. According to a survey by Gitnux, 70% of first-generation students report financial difficulties impacting their college attendance, and about 15% experience housing instability during their college years. This shows that it can be difficult for students whose parents are less familiar with the higher education system to succeed in this atmosphere.
5. Navigating romantic relationships
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Having heart-to-hearts was not something a Gen X parent did for you. Instead, they would ramble on about a similar situation that happened in their life. Romance, dating, and heartbreak weren't typically discussed at the dinner table, which left many young people to piece together the rules of romantic relationships on their own or with the help of their friends.
According to the Research on Child and Adolescent Psychopathology, parental attitudes and communication styles shape the emotional climate within a family, which can play a crucial role in a child’s social and emotional development. When you're raised in a home where expression was limited, then as an adult, you might struggle with the effective communication skills that are needed in a romantic relationship. Everything in your life regarding romance was left vague, and you had to figure it out for yourself.
6. Digital literacy
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Gen Xers witnessed the rise of the internet and personal computers as they grew up, but many didn’t fully integrate them into their daily lives until they were adults. So, when more advanced smartphones came along, you were the one figuring it out, and sometimes teaching your parents how to use them. As time passed, you became known as the family's unofficial tech support person.
Fast forward to the future, and despite high internet usage, nearly 60% of adults lack the basic digital literacy skills essential for the workforce. This is staggering considering that 50% of online fraud cases are also due to a lack of digital literacy.
7. Setting boundaries
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Growing up with Gen X parents meant that your parents wanted you to be independent. This left their kids to figure out how to say no to things and protect their personal space on their own. Gen X may not have been taught healthy boundaries by their parents, and they passed that down to their children as well.
It was challenging to figure everything out on your own and have enough confidence to set boundaries with others. While they taught you self-sufficiency, they didn't always teach you about self-advocacy. Despite this, these lessons helped shape a generation that values their personal space and independence.
8. How to network professionally
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Unlike today's hyper-connected world, Gen X parents grew up in an era where networking wasn't as digital. They talked about hard work, but they didn't teach you that it takes some charisma to be able to get your foot through certain doors. This meant that you had to learn on your own how to form bonds professionally.
Without a clear understanding of how social networking works, this often meant stepping out of your comfort zone. You had to balance between being authentic and being strategic. However, this made you resourceful and even more resilient. Even though it felt awkward at first, you grew professionally and began opening those doors for other people.
9. The value of rest and burnout prevention
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Burnout prevention is a concept that Gen Xers modeled through their own experiences. A survey by My Disability Jobs found that 54% of Gen Xers are currently experiencing burnout, which is a 14% increase from 2020. Growing up watching them juggling work, family, and life made you wonder how they manage to do it all. It made you more mindful of the effort it takes to work hard, and it gave you some appreciation for rest.
Now that you're an adult, you value the act of resting and taking a break because you know how it can stress someone out. Of course, they didn't teach you this explicitly. You had to come to the conclusion on your own. But you took the lesson and implemented it in your own way. Resting to prevent burnout is something everyone should be doing, and you have your Gen X parents to thank for knowing that.
10. Communication skills
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If you thought you were unprepared for networking in a professional setting, then you definitely weren't prepared to lack social skills. Gen X parents wanted you to be so independent that communication with other people was strictly on you to figure out. For them, conversation was pragmatic, often focusing on getting things done rather than exploring deeper feelings.
Through years of practice, you eventually learned how to communicate properly and effectively. This meant learning empathy, active listening, and upping your vocabulary all on your own. You gained a skillset that improved your adaptability and gave you some self-confidence that you wouldn’t have had if they hadn't ignored you during your childhood.
11. How to ask for help
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Learning to ask for help is not a skill that comes naturally to everyone. For Gen X parents, it meant recognizing that a problem was bigger than they could handle alone and that they needed to be honest and vulnerable with those around them. Many tried but would often fail in getting others to offer them sympathy, so reaching out for help would make them feel uncomfortable. When you came along and wanted the same type of sympathy, this made them hesitant to help you as well. It was a terrible generational pattern that was passed down.
Embracing the idea that help is available and acceptable takes intentional effort. It involves changing your mindset from being independent to being dependent on someone else to help you get through the hard times. Once you realize that there is nothing wrong with you but the way you were raised, you can then move to a more healing place.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
