If A Daughter Has Stopped Respecting Her Mom, She'll Do These 11 Things Without Thinking Twice
Mother-daughter relationships are nurturing at best, and complicated at worst.
BearFotos | Shutterstock Mother-daughter relationships aren't always something out of a Hallmark movie. As much as daughters wished they lived in a perfect world, sometimes trust is broken and family relationships fall apart, no matter how much mothers might try to mend the rift. Whether it's ignoring her calls, acting annoyed at her, or withholding affection, if a daughter has stopped respecting her mom, she'll do these things without thinking twice.
Daughters don't always willingly choose to stop respecting their mother, though toxic moms can push their daughters to the extreme, causing them to isolate and cut contact. From childhood trauma to feeling neglected as a kid, there are many reasons why daughters act this way, and while it's never easy for the mother, those actions stem from somewhere.
If a daughter has stopped respecting her mom, she'll do these 11 things without thinking twice
1. Ignore her mother's advice
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If a daughter has stopped respecting her mom, she'll ignore her mother's advice without thinking twice. This isn't to say that all daughters should follow their mother's advice simply because they are their mom; however, daughters who respect their mom will, at the very least, hear her out.
When a daughter is fed up with her mother's behavior, they may become resentful and disregard her advice. While this might not feel ideal, it doesn't have to be a terrible thing.
According to research professor Peter Gray, "Unsolicited advice from loved ones can be especially threatening, because of our strong desire to please those persons. It's hard to ignore advice from loved ones, because we implicitly fear that failure to follow it will signal lack of love or respect. At the same time, we don't want to follow the advice, because we want to retain our autonomy."
This creates conflict and causes a daughter to feel more on edge. Not only is she unqualified to tell her how to live her life, but unsolicited advice is never truly welcomed.
2. Avoid spending time together
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A daughter who truly respects and admires her mother will find a way to spend time with her. Whether that's through video calls or coming over for dinner, she will make the effort to reconnect. However, if a daughter has stopped respecting her mom, she'll avoid spending time with her altogether.
It sounds cruel, but losing respect for someone doesn't happen overnight. From being disrespected themselves to feeling neglected by their mom, some daughters are pushed to the edge as their mother's behavior becomes seemingly unbearable.
And while their mother constantly says they never come over anymore, these daughters stand their ground. Because even if it hurts, they would rather draw that line and keep their distance than maintain an unhealthy and toxic dynamic.
3. Set harsh boundaries with no explanation
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People who respect their mothers will express themselves and their boundaries in a clear-cut way. With an unnerving amount of ease, they'll say what they're uncomfortable with and set their boundaries, even if their mother pushes back. But the same can't be said for daughters who have stopped respecting their moms.
These women already know how their mothers will react. Whether it's criticizing their boundaries to refusing to accept them, daughters don't offer explanations because they know it's pointless anyway. It's not ideal, but it's only courteous to be up-front about these things.
4. Show no guilt or remorse after conflict
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Every mother-daughter relationship has its ups and downs. Despite how close they may be, parents are sure to make mistakes, causing tension in their relationship. But a daughter who doesn't respect her mom anymore won't feel any remorse or guilt after a conflict.
For whatever reason, their mother has completely lost their respect, causing these women to put up walls and have zero empathy. Maybe it's because they feel like their mother rarely shows remorse for her own actions, but either way, mothers won't catch their daughters crying over spilled milk.
5. Refuse to defend her mom
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If a daughter has stopped respecting her mom, she'll refuse to defend and stand by her, despite being family. It's uncomfortable, but standing your ground and speaking up is crucial for any relationship, even a familial one. Relationships require a certain level of loyalty, but once a daughter is fed up, mothers will rarely find their kids defending them.
And while daughters might not see anything wrong with this,feeling abandoned definitely stings. As psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis explained, abandonment trauma can lead to emotional instability, emotional numbness, and low self-esteem. Still, even if they can't respect their mom, they should consider the impact of their silence before stepping away completely.
6. Refuse to update her mom about her life
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Whether it's a proposal or getting accepted into college, daughters won't update their mom about anything involving their personal lives once they've stopped respecting them. From minor things like dating to big things like having kids, they have completely shut their mothers out of their lives.
For moms, this can feel like a slap to the face as they struggle to understand what went wrong. And while daughters might not pay them the respect for an explanation, in the end, this kind of behavior can make anyone feel abandoned.
7. React with annoyance or impatience
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If a daughter has stopped respecting her mom, she'll react with annoyance or impatience to anything her mother says. For one reason or another, she's grown tired of her mom's behavior and will react instead of respond.
After spending years hoping for change and respect, once a daughter realizes that she won't get that from her mother, she'll slowly lose that feeling, snapping randomly. It might be stress they likely dealt with as a kid, but according to Gillis, "Chronic stress can lower people's tolerance for frustration, making them more irritable."
8. Rely on others for support
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In an ideal world, a daughter would always be able to rely on her mother for support. Whether that's emotional support or needing advice, daughters who trust and admire their mom will go running to her the second disaster strikes. But when she no longer respects her, she will confide in others instead.
It's not like she's trying to be rude, but maybe her mom has never been someone to rely on. From finances to emotional support, her mother provided barely anything, causing her to fend for herself. While she might forgive her mom for neglecting her as a kid, as an adult, she has other family members and friends to lean on.
9. Show no interest in her mother's life
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A woman isn't trying to be cruel by shutting her mother out, she's simply not pretending to care when her own mother never cared about in the first place. Maybe her mom never bothered to get to know her interests or spend one-on-one time together.
While this might not have seemed like a huge deal at the time, feeling abandoned as a child is far from easy. According to a study published in the European Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, emotional neglect has a positive correlation with anxiety and depression.
But daughters aren't necessarily cruel about it. They might brush off their mother's chatter or nod along clearly uninterested, but for the most part, they won't shut their mothers down when they share something. They just won't go out of their way to ask in the first place.
10. Withhold affection
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In a healthy dynamic, daughters yearn to be close to their mothers. Whether it's hugging or simply being in one another's presence, every child has a deep-rooted need to be loved, especially by their parents. But a daughter may withhold affection when she doesn't respect her mom any longer.
If she grew up without much affection or respect, it can feel uncomfortable to suddenly receive it out of nowhere. After spending years trying and failing, they make peace with the fact that they'll never receive the love they wanted as kids.
This is why daughters pull away and stop trying to give affection. In one way or another, they're hurting and, as a result of that, have no desire to maintain a physical connection.
11. Make comparisons all the time
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Whether she's comparing her mom to her aunt or other friends' moms, a daughter who's been scorned and hasn't fully healed is bound to make comparisons. It isn't the kindest, but she just can't help herself.
After seeing good examples of healthy mother-daughter relationships, she might feel robbed of that experience. And while her feelings are justifiable, it's equally important to remember that mothers are human beings. And as a 2022 study found, upward comparisons have been linked to low self-esteem and depression.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
