You Had A Better Mom Than Most People If These 11 Things Sound Familiar
Great moms make all the difference in the lives of their children.
Kinga / Shutterstock From having loud family dinners to warmth and affection at home and even a safe space to express your emotions, growing up with great parents genuinely sets you up for success later in life. According to a Harvard University study, people who experience unconditional love, warmth, and positive influence from their relationships with their parents are more likely to have better physical, psychological, and social outcomes in adulthood.
More specifically, the relationship between mothers and their children plays a huge role in the growth of emotional intelligence, self-esteem, and internal security. From being emotionally supportive to finding ways to make you laugh and even being a sometimes strict and assertive parent, you had a better mom than most people if these things sound familiar.
You had a better mom than most people if these 11 things sound familiar
1. She prioritized self-care
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If you had a mother who made it a priority to take care of herself and schedule out “me time” amid a busy and chaotic schedule, you probably had a better mom than most. Even if it seems subtle, this prioritization of self-care positively influenced her ability to parent and show up for her kids in the healthiest way possible.
According to a 2022 study, the children of mothers who make time for their own self-care tend to boast better emotional intelligence and regulation skills later in life. Their mothers not only gave themselves space for self-care and alone time, but they also gave their children the opportunity to self-reflect, entertain themselves, and practice respecting boundaries at the same time.
2. She spoke positively about herself
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Children start to develop their own personal self-esteem as early as 5 years old, according to a study from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, which is why parental influences and habits during this impressionable time play a huge role in their future sense of self and success. When a parent constantly talks poorly about themselves, is overly critical, and even weaponizes insecurities to get their children to obey orders, they teach their kids that they’re only worthy when they’re following instructions, being obedient, or meeting “perfect” standards. Parents with low self-worth pass those behaviors and mindsets to their kids.
So, if none of that sounds familiar, and you were instead raised in a family of empowered, secure, and confident people, chances are you had a better mom than most people.
3. She encouraged and believed in you
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Regardless of what your aspirations were or how wild your dreams were, you had a better mom than most if empowering language and support as a kid sounds familiar to you. Even if it was something as simple as teaching you to believe in yourself, that’s a powerful mechanism for giving kids the tools to succeed later in life, whether they keep those same goals or not.
Even if your mother was a role model for tackling adversity and hardship with grace growing up, that kind of resilience is often transferable to kids, according to a study published in the Child Care in Practice journal. Children from these kinds of homes tend to have a strong foundation of trust, resilience, and support that motivates them to dream big, stay motivated, and achieve things well into adulthood.
4. She listened without judgment
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While many people consider themselves to be non-judgmental parents, a study from the Journal of Pediatric Health Care argues that many parents criticize their children more than three times more than they praise them. Whether it’s picking apart their appearance, holding them to unrealistic expectations, or comparing them to others, judgmental parents subtly deteriorate their kids’ self-esteem, oftentimes, without even realizing that their behavior is toxic.
You had a better mom than most people if you always felt accepted, appreciated, and loved at home, from your hobbies to your general identity, and even your appearance growing up.
In many cases, a great mother’s acceptance of and warmth toward their children comes from her own upbringing. As a study published in the Current Psychology journal explains, mothers who received warmth from their parents raise kids with far less emotional and psychological difficulties than their counterparts who did not.
5. She apologized often
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Teaching kids how to take accountability and navigate conflict isn’t just about holding them responsible for their own language and behaviors, it’s also about modeling the kinds of behaviors, like offering genuine apologies, that you expect them to engage in.
This kind of modeled behavior not only sets kids up for success in their adolescent years, giving them the tools to make friends and engage in more productive and healthy conflict, but it also ensures they have the tools to do maintain and cultivate healthy relationships in adulthood, whether that’s in an environment like the workplace or with a martial spouse.
So, if you heard apologies and expressed accountability a lot at home growing up, chances are you had a better mom than most people.
6. She said ‘no’ regularly
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Parents who refuse to say “no” to their kids and set boundaries at home often raise spoiled and entitled children who expect the world to shift for their every need and desire. However, good parents, and more specifically, good mothers, say “no” regularly and remind their kids that they’re not the center of the universe all of the time.
While it’s not always easy, setting these boundaries and encouraging children to regulate their anger in the event of a “no” is the key to helping children grow into empathetic and self-assured adults. As relationship coach Patty Stiles argues, “We defer to whatever other parents are doing or allowing. It's so much easier to follow someone else's lead rather than figure out what we value and how we want to set healthy boundaries within our own family."
"The good news is," she continued, "if you find yourself caving to your child's every whim, you can turn this around pretty easily and quickly. The key is to pause in the moment, so we can break our bad habits, and choose something better for us — and for our kids."
7. She trusted her gut
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If you had a mother who trusted her intuition, used phrases like “because I said so” in the right moments, or gave way to her gut instincts at home, there’s a chance you had a better mom than most people. As a study from Leiden University explains, a mother’s brain shifts during pregnancy, especially in the realm of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and intentions of others.
Great mothers listen to their gut instincts because they know better. They are attuned to their children’s needs and intuitive enough to trust themselves to make the best decisions. While they might not have been able to explain them in the moment to their kids, they made an effort to ensure they felt understood, heard, and supported regardless.
8. She let you see her struggle
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Whether it was showing emotion like crying at home, verbalizing her stress, or having occasional arguments with another parent in front of the kids, mothers who let their kids in on their struggles tend to breed more resilient, emotionally intelligent, and regulated children.
Of course, there’s a line between humanizing themselves and being too flippant — too much chaos and emotional venting can strain a mother’s relationship with her child. Children are incredibly smart and intuitive, and they tend to pick up on more than their parents realize in their homes. From financial strain to marriage struggles and even mental health struggles, children recognize “the hard stuff,” as psychologist Todd Corelli puts it, before their parents even have a chance to bring it up in conversation.
That’s why a parent's honesty and vulnerability are so important. Kids don’t need to be burdened with the responsibility of solving their parents’ problems, but chances are they know they exist, so when their parents lie to them, it only sabotages trust and sparks disconnection.
9. She treated everyone with respect
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Whether it was a stranger on the street, her partner after an argument, or a sibling who had gotten themselves into trouble, you had a better mom than most people if she always offered respect to everyone. Even in her most vulnerable, frustrated, and stressed-out moments, she boasted the kind of emotional regulation skills that made all her kids feel safe and heard.
Mutual respect is an important factor for success in parent-child relationships, especially early in life. If children don’t feel respected, they also don’t feel comfortable enough to be honest, vulnerable, and open, and those feelings follow them into adulthood.
10. She made compromises
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If a mother who was always making compromises at home sounds familiar to you, chances are you grew up in a healthier home than most people. Whether it was compromising with her partner and modeling healthy relationship dynamics for her kids or having open conversations with her children themselves, she was flexible, adaptable, and empathetic.
Even if every parent and sibling in the household had a million things going on at any given time, a great mother always made compromises and found time to dedicate to her children. From driving kids to extracurricular activities, to making them feel heard on hard days, and even putting her own needs aside to spend quality time together, great moms are characterized by their investment of time and energy into their kids.
11. She gave great, timely advice
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In moments where she wasn’t giving steadfast emotional support and a listening ear, great mothers offer their own wisdom and advice to their kids. Of course, it was always timely, prompted by their kids asking for help, not simply offering unsolicited advice in unhealthy ways, and relevant, which is why it stuck with their children later in life.
If having these vulnerable conversations sounds familiar to you and you still remember your mom’s advice or the foundation of trust you built during these interactions, chances are you had a better mom than most people did.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
