Baby Boomers Often Say 11 Things To The People They Love Without Realizing How Rude It Sounds
fizkes | Shutterstock There’s clearly a generational disconnect between baby boomers and the younger generations based on how we all communicate.
Some common phrases said by baby boomers can come out wrong and their younger family members are often offended, despite the best of intentions.
Baby boomers often say these things to people they love without realizing how bad it comes off:
1. ‘When I was your age’
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This one really depends on what you say next to determine how rude it is. For example "When I was your age, I wasn't nearly as well-spoken as you are" is nice. "When I was your age, I never would've worn such short shorts!" is not nice.
According to parent coach and psychologist Jeffrey Berstein, an unhealthy parent-child relationship and heightened family conflict later in life tend to negatively affect adult children’s wellbeing.
Saying judgmental things creates conflict and turns a potentially great relationship sour when it absolutely does not have to be. Remember that even if things aren’t the same, that doesn't mean either way of living is inherently wrong and spare everyone the unnecessary conflict.
2. ‘That’s not a real job’
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With the emergence of new industries and remote opportunities, it’s not surprising that the new shape of the workforce is disillusioning for older generations of workers who started their careers in much more traditional settings.
For boomer parents who have adult children working from home or making a career in social media or even traditionally considered bridge jobs, it can be difficult not to rely on traditional stereotypes about work.
Phrases like “that’s not a real job” or “you have to be loyal to one company” can seem motivational to parents with great intentions, but they often shut down their kids and dismiss their struggles and experiences.
3. ‘You just have to work harder’
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According to one study, there are many generational differences between Gen-Z and baby boomers that spark resentment in places like the workplace. Gen-Z and Millennials value work-life balance above compensation, while their older parental counterparts tend to prioritize company loyalty and growth.
Of course, they may not share the same values about work ethic or work-life balance, but that doesn’t mean phrases like this are acceptable, especially between family members.
The struggles baby boomers experienced early in adulthood are much different from the ones their adult children face today, including the challenge so many are facing in finding a full-time job. So empathy, rather than dismissive and invalidating comments like this one, is truly the key to support.
4. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about’
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If every conversation between parents and their adult children (or anyone from a younger generation) is plagued by phrases that feel condescending and dismissive, there will be more divisiveness and resentment. That's just how it works.
It’s important to acknowledge other people’s feelings and opinions, even if they don’t align with yours. You can have a healthy conversation and argument without relying on phrases that shut down adult kids simply for having a different point of view.
You can always try saying, "I see it differently" or "I disagree". These are honest statements that don't insult anyone.
5. ‘Just buy a house instead’
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Many young Gen-Zers and Millennials are simply giving up on dreams of homeownership in the current economy, struggling to afford monthly rent and basic necessities like groceries and utilities. Coupled with judgment and misguided criticism from their parents in the form of a phrase like this, it’s unsurprising that they’re shutting down and taking space from their families to cope with the stress they’re already experiencing.
Society, the economy, and our culture at large have completely changed from just a few decades ago. Adult children today can’t follow the same traditional paths as their parents, so a lot of the unsolicited advice and guidance their parents offer doesn’t make sense, and it can feel dismissive and judgmental, even when it’s not intended to be.
6. ‘We did fine without therapy, you don't need it’
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Studies show that there’s still a prevalence of mental health stigma living in older generations that not only prevents them from seeking support from resources like therapy, but also affects divisiveness in their relationships with younger family members and peers.
They use phrases like “I’m fine and I didn’t go to therapy” to avoid conversations about mental health, but they also subtly dismiss their adult child’s concerns. If adult children try to express their emotions or ask their parents to lean into vulnerability, a phrase like this only invalidates their feelings.
Of course, therapy isn’t the right choice for everyone, but committing to open honesty, discomfort, and communication in a relationship is essential, especially between adult children and their parents, to craft a healthy dynamic.
7. ‘You’ll understand when you’re older’
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Many of the phrases boomer parents say that make their adult kids and other younger relatives shut down inside are inherently dismissive and invalidating, further dividing parent-child relationships and sparking resentment, even when they’re not intended to be malicious.
“You’ll understand when you're older” makes adult children feel like they’re not worthy of space to speak or be supported for what they’re experiencing now. The independence and autonomy they’ve worked hard to achieve and navigate are quickly shut down with a phrase like this, which makes them resort back to their childhood identity and all the negativity that may flood in with it.
8. ‘That’s just how the world works’
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Of course, the experience and wisdom we gain from our parents and other boomer relatives are invaluable at any age, but there’s no denying that the world is constantly shifting and changing. The same advice our parents followed at our age isn’t going to be relevant anymore, but emotional support and a listening ear will always be helpful.
A phrase like “it is what it is” or “that’s just how the world works” may seem like a thoughtful approach to solving an adult child’s struggles, especially for parents who feel an obligation to help their kids minimize issues in their adult lives, but it’s just rude.
9. ‘Why aren't you married yet?’
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Coupled with societal stigmas and pressures to “settle down” and follow a traditional track of job, marriage, house, and kids, having a parent who uses a phrase like this constantly can urge adult children to quickly shut down emotionally. First, they don't know whether the younger person is struggling to find a stable partner or simply choosing not to marry and settle down yet.
Considering the majority of parents perceive their adult children to be happy, healthy, successful, and independent, according to a Pew Research Center study, the emergence of a phrase like this in conversation isn’t always intended to be judgment or pressuring. For many people, it really is just a joke.
Yet, regardless of its intent, this phrase can hurt an adult child’s wellbeing, making them feel doubtful, insecure, and like they can never be enough to satisfy their parents, no matter what they accomplish. This hits even harder when the younger person really would like to settle down, but has had bad luck in relationships in the past.
10. ‘Why don’t you come over more?’
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Many parents struggle with the natural disconnection and separation in their family when their kids move out of the house and into their adult lives. For decades, they’ve shouldered the responsibility of looking out for them and parenting them into adulthood, but now that it's here, it’s hard to shut off that parental instinct.
However, guilt-tripping adult children into coming home isn’t the way to cope with that discomfort and separation. Younger generations just find it rude.
Healthy boundaries and communication are needed to find a healthy balance. According to psychologist Lynn Margolies, parents who rely on guilt-tripping phrases like this generally lack self-awareness. They feel overwhelmed by their intense emotions and try to leverage pressure and guilt to get what they want.
11. ‘You think you have it hard? You should hear about...’
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Many baby boomer parents grew up in a world that no longer exists. They entered adulthood, started their careers, and had families in an entirely different cultural and economic context. Of course, that’s true for any differing generation of people. The world is always changing.
But that also means that judging others by our own experiences and struggles isn’t always valid or appropriate. Sometimes, it's flat-out rude.
Phrases like “when I was a kid…” or “You think you have it hard?” aren’t just dismissive of the struggles adult children are facing right now; they invalidate the emotions and feelings they’ve chosen to share with their parents. In the future, they’ll remember these seemingly innocent phrases and decide not to share anymore.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
