10 Ridiculously Outdated Ideas About Men And Women That Are Still Weirdly Hanging Around
You might want to stop that.
Kyle McLeod | Unsplash Dating and trying to find true love in romantic relationships can be a pretty tough gig, no matter what. When you add to that mix the most common male and female stereotypes and the traditional gender roles men and women have had drilled into our heads since we were young, it’s no wonder so many people are still struggling to find the love of their life as the decades pass on by.
According to a 2016 study, one of the many problems with stereotyping people of all genders is that we then use these perceived norms as excuses — excuses not to date, excuses not to begin new relationships, and excuses to break up with someone. Ultimately, these excuses allow us to avoid exposing ourselves to any meaningful level of intimacy and vulnerability, which translates to preventing us from finding true love. So stereotypes turn into excuses that turn into self-harming behaviors as we unconsciously use them to sabotage our chances of giving and receiving authentic and genuine love.
Here are 10 examples of common dating stereotypes about gender roles for men and women, and why they may be keeping you single.
1. 'Women are only after money'
I have heard this from so many men. They believe that a woman will only be interested in a man if he is wealthy and successful because she wants someone to look after her. Now, there is some truth that feeling secure in a relationship is a deep, primal need for many women, but this kind of security can be fulfilled in many ways, and not only with money.
Yes, there is a small percentage of women who look for a man with money, but the same can be said about a percentage of men. Don't let percentage stop you from believing the woman in front of you now is truly interested in you for who you are. Otherwise, you could be pushing away the love of your life.
2. 'Women need to be thin and flawless'
SHVETS production / Pexels
Just like men don't want to be valued based only on the size of their wallets, women don't want to be valued for their looks alone. One of the ways we sabotage our chances of love is by pushing people away based on their body shape or their looks.
Yes, we need to be attracted to a partner, but looks should not be a deal-breaker. Women come in all shapes and sizes, with or without makeup. If you broaden your scope a little bit, you might find the right fit for you.
The ideal woman's body shape has changed throughout history, and in the 20th century, there was a defined shift towards an increasingly young and slender body, contributing to the modern-day emphasis on thinness. A 2020 study concluded that internalizing the thin ideal often leads to negative body image, body dissatisfaction, and self-doubt.
3. 'If a woman is overly sexual, she won't make a good wife'
Many men still believe that if a woman genuinely likes having sex, or if she sleeps with you relatively early on in the dating process, it means that she's too easy, and therefore, not wife material.
How a woman expresses her sexuality has nothing to do with the qualities she possesses on the inside, what kind of wife she would make, or how perfectly matched you could possibly be. If you keep thinking that way, you could be miss out on getting the best of both worlds!
4. 'Women want commitment straight away'
Javier González Fotógrafo / Unsplash
Unless you have attracted a stage-5 clinger (and if have, you might want to have a look at why you've done that), chances are that a woman is not that keen on committing straight away either. A woman who is dating in a conscious way will only want to commit to someone and have them commit to her if she believes he is a good possible long-term fit for her.
So instead of resisting meeting women because you think they are going to put the ball and chain on you straight away, just go with the flow and relax a little bit and you might even find that you want to commit before she does!
While evolutionary and societal factors might contribute to the idea of women seeking immediate commitment, modern research highlights the complex and diverse nature of relationship expectations for both men and women. It's important to move beyond this outdated thinking and focus on individual differences, open communication, and mutual respect to build meaningful relationships.
5. 'Women always try to change men'
I get it. You don't want to give up certain things from your single life when you begin a relationship. Men have a need for freedom and fear being changed, controlled, or turned into someone they're not by their partner. Don't let this fear stop you from being in a relationship.
If you feel someone is trying to change you, bring it up for discussion. If they are and are therefore not the right person for you, you can always end the relationship. You are never stuck! However, the ironic fact remains that the only constant thing in life is, indeed, change...
6. 'Men are only after sex'
Ömer Derinyar / Pexels
Ok, so just like women have a primal need to feel secure, most men also have a primal need to procreate. Yes, men like and need sex — just like women do. But women sometimes forget that men also want and need to love and be loved. It's a deep desire for them as well.
If a man shows romantic interest in you, I can guarantee that he is sexually attracted to you, as well, but it's quite possible he's also searching for "the One." Research suggests this is an oversimplification of male sexual desire and relationship goals. Many men value emotional connection and intimacy, and their relationship motivations are complex and diverse.
7. 'Men should be tall, fit, and muscular'
Just like women do not want to be judged on their looks alone, neither do men. The notion that the ideal man needs to be at least 6-foot-tall, athletic, and have lots of muscles is simply not true.
Of course, there may be a certain type you are personally most attracted to, but don't get caught in the trap of thinking a guy can't be the man of your dreams because he isn't tall, dark, or handsome enough.
A thin man of smaller stature can be more of a real man on the inside than some of the tall muscly men out there.
8. 'Once a cheater, always a cheater'
Ron Lach / Pexels
When a woman finds out her man cheated on a previous partner, the advice she receives from many friends about men is often, "Once a cheater always a cheater."
By believing this stereotype you risk missing out on what could be a great relationship. Cheating happens for many reasons, and the fact that someone cheated once should not fully define them.
If he has told you this himself, he is showing you great honesty and vulnerability, which is a fantastic trait to bring into a relationship. I know many men (and women) who have cheated, learned from their mistakes, and never cheated again.
Studies have found that those who have cheated in past relationships are significantly more likely to cheat again, with some research indicating a three times higher likelihood. However, this isn't a universal truth, and factors like personality, relationship dynamics, and the reasons behind the initial infidelity can play a role.
9. 'It's a man's job to do all the chasing'
A woman likes to be pursued. It makes her feel special. However, as women, we should not put all the emphasis on the man being the one to do that work, because we've been taught to do this by the generations before us.
You can't sit back and wait for a man to choose you. You need to choose him as well.
10. 'Men are afraid of commitment'
I don't know why men are lobbed with the stereotype of being the ones who are too afraid to commit. Women are as well! I was even one of them for a very long time.
People are afraid to commit for many different reasons. It isn't just a guy thing.
If a woman has a belief that men won't commit, then I can guarantee that is what she will attract. So, forget about the committing part and date in order to get to know the person extremely well.
Only then, will you know if you want to commit to them anyway. Some studies show that commitment readiness is higher in women than men. However, it's important to note that some men also experience strong desires for commitment, and some women avoid it.
If you find yourself putting men or women into any of the above categories, stop and remember that what you resist, persists. These generalizations have nothing to do with the unique individual standing before you. Take time to get to know the real person inside, and don't let these gender stereotypes sabotage you.
Tracey Wynter is a dating coach who helps single men and women discover and overcome the underlying issues holding them back from finding long-lasting love, so they can become relationship-ready, date more effectively, and finally find "the one."
