How To Stop Being A Stage-Five Clinger

Feeling clingy? We're here to help.

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Feeling clingy, sensitive, and insecure in your relationship? Those feelings can turn you into "the needy girlfriend."

You know the type. The one who texts constantly to know where her guy is out of fear she's being ignored, or worse, cheated on. The one who clogs up his Facebook wall with sweet nothings and talks incessantly about getting married. That one.

If you suspect you're "needy" or headed down the road to "needy," here's how to stop being clingy and actually have a healthy relationship.

1. Have your own life.

Remember what you were like when you and your boyfriend first met? You had friends, hobbies, and lots of things that were not centered around him. Make sure you're still keeping up with those things. Doing so will make you happier, more interesting to him, and less likely to fixate entirely on your relationship.


2. Schedule things out.

Having a weekly date night, a monthly day trip, or a regular evening text session on both your schedules can give you the sense that things are less amorphous and provide both of you with something to look forward to.

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3. Tame those "what if?" demons.

Stop thinking "what if?" every time you're apart (What if he sees a prettier girl while he's at the bar with his friends? What if he's not calling because he's on the phone with his ex?).

Whenever your anxious thoughts start to spin out of control, remember that "what if?" is a lot less important than WHAT IS. And then remind yourself of what the reality of your relationship is.


4. Remember that you're great.

You're beautiful. You're smart. You're fun. If you weren't, then he wouldn't have started dating you in the first place.

Remind yourself from time to time of just how amazing you are. Regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not, it will make you feel more secure and centered. 

5. Tell him outright.

If the reason you're acting clingy is that he's treating you like you don't matter, then it's time for a talk.

It may be the case that he doesn't realize how he's making you feel. It may be that he's just not into you anymore. Tell him, and if he refuses to work on making things better, get out.

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On the flip side, some argue that a woman starts acting all needy when her man stops making her feel secure in the relationship. Whether that's true or not is certainly up for debate.

But if the woman you fell in love with has turned into an over-sensitive clinger demanding your time and attention, here are five very simple things you can do to bring your girl's sense of security back. 

1. Do what you say you will do.

Call when you say you'll call. Make her believe you're a loyal boyfriend with a sense of follow-through. 

2. Randomly clue her in.

Share what you're thinking when she's not probing you for information, tell her about your thoughts and dreams, make her believe she's worthy of your secret thoughts. 


3. Not out of sight, out of mind.

Give her a call or drop her a text when you're out with your friends to let her know that she's on your mind even when you're apart. 

4. Maintain contact when out together.

Catch her eye from across the room when you're out together at a party. Let her know that you know you have the best date in the room.

5. Prove you're observant.

Let her know that you notice her appearance, give her surprise compliments, and make it clear you appreciate her.


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Kristen Meinzer is a Brooklyn-based writer and associate producer. Her work has appeared in a number of print and online publications, as well as on The Discovery Channel, The History Channel, VH1, WE, and WNYC Public Radio.