How To Follow (And Stick To) The No-Contact Rule After A Breakup

Photo: weheartit
no contact rule

All you have to do is turn on the radio for a few minutes and you are sure to hear a song describing the perils and heartaches associated with a breakup. After all, breaking up is never easy, and many people feel it's one of the hardest life experiences they ever go through.

Therefore, learning how to cope with a breakup is crucial to getting over the relationship and moving on. One important aspect to remember when it comes to breaking up is the "no-contact rule."

The no-contact rule is the cessation of all communication or contact between both parties in the relationship. In other words, when using the no-contact rule, you don’t talk, text, see or even think about your ex, at least as much is humanly possible.

The information below will tell you all you need to know and more about the no-contact rule.

1. It can speed up the healing process.

The old adage "Out of sight, out of mind" has some merit when it comes to past relationships. Simply staying away from your ex can help you move through the grieving process at a faster pace.

Just as you have to allow a wound to heal before you begin to use an injured appendage, you also have to let your heart heal before you subject it to contact with your ex. Thankfully, enacting the no-contact rule will speed up the healing process.

2. Your friendships don't have to be affected.

When you have been in a relationship for a decent amount of time, utilizing the no-contact rule can be difficult. This is due to the fact that, in some cases, you and your ex like to hang at the same places and around the same people.

However, during this period of no contact, you have to make the hard choice and stay away, even if it means staying away from your friends as well. When two lives are interwoven for months or years, separating them is understandably difficult. However, it is necessary.

It might take you going out of your way to work so you don't pass by his work, or not going to a concert that you know he is attending. Whatever the case, it's important that you distance yourself from you ex, no matter what it takes.

Keep in mind, your "couple" friends might feel as if they are being put in the middle, so don't make them choose between the two of you. Instead, simply say something like, "Hey, I am fine that you are going out with him tonight. How about we do something in a few days?"

This statement communicates that you will not be mad at your friends simply for remaining friends with your ex. But it also makes it clear that you are no longer going to be around your ex, even if it involves going out with a group of friends.

3. Things will get easier over time.

There is no magic potion that makes the no-contact rule easier to implement. However, setting a time frame on the rule can work wonders. Tell yourself that you will honor the no-contact rule for a certain amount of time, like three months.

If after that time you feel you are healed enough to be around your ex, then you can reevaluate your stance on the no-contact rule. In the meantime, setting a time limit will give you an end point to look forward to and will help you get through the process.

Of course, if there is any kind of abuse involved, you should continue to honor the no-contact rule indefinitely.

4. The no-contact rule won't always work.

At the end of some relationships, enacting the no-contact rule is simply not possible. This is oftentimes the case in relationships where kids are involved. After all, how can you have no contact with the father or mother of your children, when you want to continue your relationship with them?

If you are in a situation like this, consider enacting an emotional no-contact rule instead. Since you can't not see your ex, be strong emotionally and do not allow them to impact you in any way during your interaction.

In addition, if there is a way for you to have a person stand as a go-between that might be wise for at least a few months. For example, have your ex leave the kids at your mom's house. Then, once he is gone, you can come get them from her house. By doing this, you won't be forced to interact with your ex at all.

If the reason that the no-contact rule won't work for you is due to you and your ex working together, you will have to use the same strategy listed above. Don't allow them to have any emotional connection. Try to minimize the amount you communicate by only talking to them when it is crucial and when it pertains only to your work.

If possible, you might ask for a transfer away from your ex, perhaps, through a move to another building or office. Of course, you have to make that judgment call. You obviously don't want to jeopardize your career just to get away from your ex.

5. There are long-term implications.

The long-term effect of the no-contact rule is keeping your ex your ex. They will never become your friend. They will forever remain distanced from you. That's okay, though, because once your heart heals, you will probably prefer it that way. Just hang in there and keep enforcing the no-contact rule in the meantime.

Breaking up is no fun at all. It rips at your heart, makes you question your life's choices and causes you to feel emotionally fragile. However, even though breaking up isn't easy, it's also not the end of the world.

Before you go,
subscribe to our newsletter.

Join now for YourTango's trending articles, top expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning.

By using techniques like the no-contact rule, you will help yourself regain control of your life and heal your heart.