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The only way to know for sure if someone wants you to make a move is to ask, but these clues can help you get your timing right.
By Sarah Jones
Last updated on Nov 19, 2023
“Will she make the first move?” you wonder, optimistically. “Should I?”
Your internal monologue likely goes through every possible scenario and runs on a loop when you’re spending time with a woman you’re attracted to. For every potential green light you think she's giving you, you find yourself confused by something else she does that seems like a huge red stop sign.
While reading a woman’s body language can be a guessing game and figuring out the signs she wants you to make a move can be tricky, it doesn’t have to be so hard.
Of course, it's equally important to pay attention when a woman does not seem receptive to your advances. Even if she is interested in you, consent is essential, and the only way to know for sure if she wants you to make a move is to ask her.
In the meantime, while you're trying to figure out If you should pop that particular question, these clues can help you get a sense of whether or not the time is right.
11 Signs She Wants You To Make A Move
1. She makes consistent eye contact with you.
You may have heard the expression, “The eyes are the window to the soul.” Making consistent eye contact with a woman can tell you a lot about them.
Does she hold your gaze? If she continues to make consistent eye contact with you, it’s safe to say she’s interested.
Holding eye contact is one of the surefire signs she wants you to make a move.
2. She flirts with you.
A flirtatious advance can be fleeting, and sometimes it can be easy to miss.
A playful touch or twirling of her hair are flirtatious advances you can recognize that indicate she likely wants you to make a move.
3. She texts you first.
While many women subscribe to the “men always text first” rule, that isn’t always the case! If a woman texts you first, she’s into you, and there's a good chance wants you to make a move.
Try suggesting a romantic date spot to build more chemistry between the both of you!
4. She “likes” or engages with your social media posts.
If you have social media, chances are the two of you have connected as friends on there. If she “likes” your posts or engages with you on social media, she’s sending you the signal that she would be open to you making a move!
5. She wants to be near you.
If she sits down next to you or moves closer to you, she wants to see how you’ll react to being in close proximity to each other.
Take the opportunity to gently brush your hand against hers. If she responds to your touch, she definitely wants you to make the next move.
6. She initiates contact.
Initiating contact is a wonderful way to know if she wants you to make a move.
If you’re physically apart, an example of her initiating contact is texting you first, or suggesting a plan to see you. When the two of you are together, she may gently touch your arm or slide in closer to you.
These subtle cues can be big signs that she’s waiting on you to make the first move!
7. She smiles at you — a lot.
While a smile can mean many different things, if you keep catching each other’s gaze and she smiles at you every time, that’s a great sign!
8. In group settings, she pulls you aside for alone time.
Public displays of affection (PDA) can sometimes feel a little awkward in group settings, and not everyone is comfortable with that. If she pulls you aside for some alone time, she wants you to make your move when you’re both at ease!
9. She stares at your lips.
The most telltale sign of how to know if she wants you to make a move is when she’s staring at your lips, as if inviting you to kiss her.
Move a little closer and enjoy the sparks of chemistry that are sure to be going off like fireworks in the sky!
10. She wants to know all about you.
She might ask you questions about your family, where you went to school, what you like to do on the weekends (that's a huge hint right there that she wants to go out on a date with you!) or any number od other personal topics.
Try opening up a bit and see what happens! She probably will too and you'll have a closer bond!
11. She drops hints that she's available.
Maybe you know each other from work, a course, or another place where people don't generally discuss their personal lives or socialize with each other.
But if she's complaining about not having a date for Valentine's Day in a couple weeks, or she mentions that she got two tickets to go to an amazing concert but no one to go with her, this is her way of trying to nudge you to make a move. And soon.
Again, it's just as important, if not even more important, to watch for signs a woman is not at Interested in your trying for something more. Keep your eyes and ears peel for cues that she is not into it.
5 Signs She Does Not Want You To Make A Move
1. She tells you she's not interested.
This might seem like an obvious one, but unfortunately, some guys still don't get that when a woman says "no," she really means it.
If she's telling you to back off, listen and act accordingly. After all, true gentlemen know how to be respectful at all times.
2. Her body language says "no."
Sometimes, a woman who is just as shy about making the first move is just as non-confrontational about uncomfortable situations. But the body doesn't lie.
Pay attention if she does any of the following:
- Tries to move away from you, especially in tight spaces.
- Averts her eyes as much as possible without smiling.
- Avoids your touch.
- Crosses her arms over her chest.
- Dodges you in social settings.
- Keeps her responses as short and to-the-point as possible when you try to strike up a conversation
These are all signs she isn't interested and, if you really aren't sure, you should either ask or simply leave her alone.
3. She "friendzones" you.
If she constantly reiterates that she appreciates having you as a "friend," that "you're such a good friend," or "I'm so glad we can just be friends without any weird pressure or anything," you can rest assured you have been locked behind bars in the friend zone.
Unfortunately, more likely than not, there's no getting out of it. Once you've been friendzoned, you'll always be "such a good friend."
4. She asks you for advice about other guys.
If she starts asking you for boy advice about other guys she's dating, you can be certain she's trying to send you the signal that, yes, she's interested in dating, but no, she isn't interested in dating you.
She doesn't mind having you in her life and maybe she sincerely values your opinion, but don't get caught up in thinking you'll change her mind on this one.
5. She doesn't make plans with you.
You may be trying to make plans with her in the future, but she seems really iffy about it and says something vague like, "I think my friend from college is having her bridal shower that day."
Maybe she's already flakes out on plans with you several times, offering up excuses like, "I had this work thing," or, "It was a family emergency," or, "My aunt flew into town and you know how she is ... wait, I haven't told you about her? Oops!"
The excuses seem valid but the accompanying apologies are disingenuous. Especially after the 10th time. You need to understand she doesn't want to commit to you, as harsh as it sounds.
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Sarah Jones is the founder of Introverted Alpha and a dating coach who specializes in helping introverted men.