Does He Like Me? How To Tell If You're In A Rebound Relationship Or If He's Really Over His Ex

Photo: unsplash/Chichi Onyekanne
Does He Like Me? How To Tell If You're In A Rebound Relationship Or If He's Really Over His Ex

He's ready to fall in love with you.

Dating someone who recently went through a breakup can make you feel a little vulnerable.

You might be wondering if you're getting into a rebound relationship, leading to "does he like me?" questions and overthinking.

Before you open your heart and dive into a relationship with him, you want to make sure he's over his ex.

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You may be hearing the words, "I’m over my ex," but something tells you your new partner may have lingering feelings for a relationship that once was.

It happens to the best of us — breaking up and getting over ending it is never easy.

Here are 6 ways to tell if your new beau is over their breakup and has moved on.

1. He respects his ex

Does he talk about his ex with respect or is there anger and disrespect? Can he acknowledge anything good about his ex or past relationship?

Frequent name-calling, put-downs, or game playing that indicate continued conflict or unresolved feelings are a red flag.

While it’s appropriate to feel hurt and anger after a relationship ends, constantly disrespecting a former partner is a sure sign of someone who is struggling with letting go.

2. He's learned valuable relationship lessons

It’s okay to feel hurt after any relationship ends, but someone who has truly healed and released a relationship can acknowledge that it takes two to create a relationship and two to destroy a relationship.

If he is only capable of seeing himself as a victim and seems unable to take any responsibility for his part, he may need to do some more work on either letting go of the former relationship or on himself to learn more about relationships in general.

There are always gifts to be found when lovers part ways and the healthiest partners will be able to acknowledge these gifts, along with their pain.

3. You’re not hidden from his social circle

If you’ve met his friends or he's not afraid to post pictures of you with him on social media, it’s a good sign that he's moved on.

Someone who is still holding out hope for an ex will find ways to keep you hidden from those who know him and the ex.

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4. The ex is not a focus of your relationship

Is the ex a frequent topic of conversation? It’s good to share relationship history and to have occasional discussions about past relationships while you're getting to know each other.

What’s important to notice is the frequency and the emotional quality of what is expressed.

Does it seem like every conversation somehow gets directed back to the ex? Does he express a lot of emotion when mentioning the ex — with tears, bitterness, or anger?

Maybe you’ve even been accidentally called the ex’s name — a definite red flag. Once or twice, this can happen, but if it occurs frequently, especially during sex or an emotionally heated moment, take notice.

If the ex seems like an invisible presence in your time together, it is likely an indication that your new beau is still emotionally connected to them.

5. He's had time to heal

Every breakup requires time to heal. Someone who has truly released a former partner will have given himself time between relationships to process and heal.

If you’re dating someone who is within weeks of a breakup or someone who’s married but just "separated," use caution.

If he's been in a long-term relationship for over a year, anything under a minimum of 4-6 weeks is probably not a safe time to date.

It takes time to grieve and it’s not uncommon for people to rush into a new relationship to avoid the pain of a breakup.

6. He is aware and detached

Getting over a breakup and moving on requires a deep level of self-awareness and detachment.

People who have truly let go of a relationship are fully aware of how the breakup affected them, which allows them to express feelings about past relationships but without getting lost in the feelings.

They also don’t deny that they had an emotional reaction to an ex or a breakup and can calmly say, "I felt heartbroken when she left me, but I learned something from it."

Someone who is not detached yet may cry about the heartbreak, blame the other person, or have other emotional displays when discussing the relationship. Or, they may deny that they had any feelings at all.

To gauge a person’s level of awareness and detachment, talk about it. Notice the emotion — or lack thereof — that’s connected to the discussion.

Overall, if you notice any kind of pattern that makes you question your partner’s loyalty to you, pay attention. Actions usually do speak much louder than our words.

That being said, any of these signs are meaningless if you don’t put things into context. Talk to each other before you make assumptions.

Mindful relationships require a mindful connection. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. And most of all, trust yourself. The truth is always there.

RELATED: 13 Straightforward Signs He's Very, Very Much Into You

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Chelli Pumphrey is the Love strategist and a therapist with 20+ years of experience.

This article was originally published at Meet Mindful. Reprinted with permission from the author.