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'I Want My Boyfriend To Get Back With His Ex' — Woman Seeks Advice After Meeting Partner's First Wife

Photo: Pexels/Marcelo Chagas
Woman facing camera beside window

“I met my boyfriend’s ex and I want them back together," a woman spills in her post on the “OffMyChest” forum on Reddit, a subreddit where users can dish their most intense secrets and confessions to avoid the guilt of keeping it too "close to their chest." 

This 27-year-old woman shared that she’s been seeing her 35-year-old boyfriend for about a year now — who she calls 'Danny.' He was previously married to a woman, ‘Mer’, and they have a 5-year-old son together. 

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She wishes that her boyfriend would get back with his ex. 

Before meeting her, she says she knew next to nothing about his ex-wife, Mer. 

When his son graduated from daycare, Mer invited Danny over for a celebratory dinner — which he insisted on bringing her to. 

After some initial hesitation at the idea of intruding on the unknowns of their relationship, she finally agreed to join Danny to celebrate his son. 

On a Saturday evening, the couple arrived at Danny’s ex-wife’s home. Pulling into the driveway, her anxiety peaked anticipating the awkwardness of meeting Mer face-to-face. 

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When the couple was greeted at the door, however, Mer welcomed them warmly. 

“She’s casual and very polite and even introduced me to their child. Her house is very welcoming, and clean, and smells fragrant. It’s home.” 

Left alone together while Danny and his son played, Mer assured her that she could handle dinner and that she should spend some time “bonding with the boys.” 

When dinner rolled around, the woman noticed Danny and Mer were "very casual" with one another. In an unexpectedly comfortable setting, the four of them sat down together for dinner and talked. Nothing meant to make her feel uncomfortable, nothing that crossed any boundaries — they just talked.

“I know she’s a good mother as their son Ian is very polite, giggly, and behaved. I noticed how both of them will answer every question Ian asks, even if it’s a silly question.” 

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The scene was almost too good to be true. The only downside — she was there. 

“I also noticed how Danny looked at Mer. There’s sadness and love. I know it, as he never looks at me that way.” 

When the couple decided it was time to leave, Mer stopped them. After their conversation at dinner where she had shared she often ate takeaway and lived alone, Mer proceeded to pack her food to take home. 

“This really touched my heart.” 

On the drive home, she couldn’t help but blurt out what she’d been thinking all night: “Why had you ended things with such a beautiful wife and a playful well-mannered son?” 

Danny abruptly pulled the car over onto the side of the road. Expecting a fit of rage and to be kicked out of the car, she was speechless when he started telling a story. 

After Danny and Mer had first gotten married, she went out of the country to bury her mother who had passed away. 

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While Mer was gone, Danny cheated on her with a mutual friend of hers. 

“The girl secretly filmed them having s-x and sent it to Mer.” 

When she returned home from her mother’s funeral, she told Danny calmly that she knew what he’d done, and slept for the night in their son’s room. 

The next day, she was completely calm, she only said, “Serve the divorce papers and I’ll sign it. Just make sure I have sole custody and you have visitation days.” 

The night that Danny went to leave the house, he said that had heard Mer crying. Fearful that he’d only make things worse by consoling her, he decided to just leave. 

“Danny hated himself for never having the chance to comfort her while she grieved for her mom, and instead cheated on her.” 

As cars flashed by them, sitting on the side of the road, Danny continued to tell her what a wonderful person Mer was — too good to be true, always available for those in need, cooking for him and his friends, babysitting family members’ children, and being the most patient and selfless woman. 

"This is the first time I saw him cry. He’s a big man and he’s sobbing uncontrollably," the woman writes.

Danny started to ramble on about how he “liked her” and didn’t “use her to move on from Mer”. Confused, never having said a word yet, she assured him that this revelation never made her feel used. 

Grieving the loss of their family, even as his girlfriend, she asked him why he had chosen to cheat on Mer. “I was drunk,” he responded, “I didn’t even know it happened.” 

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After that night, the user shared, nothing has been the same.

“He’s still the same,” she says, “but I am not.” 

She mentions that Mer is still single, focused on raising their son, and pursuing a law degree. 

“I love Danny, but I cannot compete with Mer,” she pleads to Reddit viewers, “Should I break up with him and help him get back together with Mer?” 

Many of the comments suggest that she’s overreacting, that “they’re calmly having a co-parenting system” and she should leave that be. 

Others say that it’s Danny who she should really be worrying about, not because he’s too good for her, but rather the other way around. 

“Re-visit your thoughts, feelings, etc regarding your boyfriend. He did it to a person you deemed almost perfect, so will he do it again this time to you?” 

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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango. They cover topics ranging from pop culture analysis to human interest stories. They are currently based in East Lansing, MI. Catch up with them on their Instagram or TikTok.

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