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She didn't want them to know until she was ready.
By Nia Tipton — Written on Nov 06, 2022
For many women, finding out they're pregnant is a joyous occasion that they can't wait to share with their family and friends.
However, one woman in specific decided to hold off on telling people in her life until she had given birth to her baby.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA), she used the forum, where most people go to look for advice and vent about their problems, to reveal the reason why she decided against announcing she was pregnant.
She claimed she had good enough reasons for hiding her pregnancy from her family.
"I gave birth to my son 18 weeks ago. My whole pregnancy was kept under wraps for the most part with the exception of my husband's parents and my sister," the woman explained in her post.
She told her husband's family because their son would be their first grandchild, and also decided to tell her sister because of how supportive she was.
She revealed the two reasons why she decided to keep her son secret until his birth.
"A few years ago I thought I was pregnant and had miscarried but the truth was more complicated. I had not been pregnant but had some undiagnosed issues that had made my periods always irregular," she explained.
She said her stepmother was a big reason why she didn't want anyone to know she was pregnant.
When she shared the news of her miscarriage with her family, her stepmother had "smothered" her and wouldn't leave her side.
"She married my dad when my sister and I were young and our mom had died, so she saw herself as filling that mom role, but she was too pushy about it."
Even though she appreciated her stepmother's concern, she felt as if she was being too constricting and refused to give her space to let her grieve her lost child.
For the second reason, she recalled how her stepmother had been controlling when the woman's sister fell pregnant with her two children.
"Through both [pregnancies] our dad's wife tormented her with talk of how she'd need her, as her mom," the woman explained.
"She needed to be there for her baby as she was experiencing pregnancy and talked about how becoming a mom would bond her to her and make her appreciate her in a way she never had before."
Due to the stepmother's intrusive nature, her sister grew to 'resent' her.
"My sister has not allowed our dad's wife to be known as grandma to her kids ever since. She had considered allowing it before the pregnancy stuff but after the chance was gone and my sister would not hear arguments for it."
The stepmother had also chided her sister once about being "dramatic" when she spoke of missing her biological mother, telling her that "pregnancy makes women irrational" and she shouldn't "miss a ghost."
All of the negative experiences she had with her stepmother eventually led her to keep quiet when she found out she was pregnant.
When her father and stepmother did find out, they were furious.
While she knew that holding onto the news she was pregnant would hurt her father and stepmother, she noted that she "honestly didn't have it in me to care."
After the birth of her son, her father, stepmother, and half-sister sent her messages saying how "cruel and unfair" it was for her to keep it a secret.
"They both said how dad's wife becoming a grandma for the third time was important, especially [because] her other grandkids will never call her grandma, and I was selfish to take joy from her," she concluded.
Most people who commented on her Reddit post agreed that she was NTA (Not The A-hole).
"Your stepmother sounds smothering. You did the best for you, your husband, and your child," one user wrote. "Your pregnancy and birth [were] never about them."
Another user chimed in, writing, "I would be sending back a message that it was bold of them to assume that she would be granted that title.
"Especially after it has been made clear on multiple occasions that she was delusional that she was your and your sister's mother."
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.