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Man Says He Doesn’t ‘Help’ His Wife Cook Or Clean Because He Does What He’s Supposed To Do As A Husband & Father

Photo: Klavdiyav / Shutterstock / @minton__jr / TikTok 
husband, father, household chores

In many U.S. households, most of the domestic duties fall onto the women, whether or not they also work outside of the home. 

An analysis conducted by Dan Cassino, a professor at Fairleigh Dickinson University, and his wife Yasemin Besen-Cassino, from Montclair State University, found that American men do an average of 15 minutes of housework a day, whereas women complete 45 minutes. 

Additionally, 77% of men admitted to not doing housework on any given day, while 55% of women claimed to do at least some housework. 

Some men argue that since they work outside the home, it is not their responsibility to “help” their wives with the household chores. However, one husband is redefining societal standards when it comes to men’s duties in the house and explains why he should never be expected to “help” his wife with the household work. 

The man claims that he does not ‘help’ his wife with household chores since that is what he is supposed to do as a spouse.

In a TikTok video that has been viewed over 4 million times, JR Minton initially had most people up in arms when he started off by saying that he doesn’t help his wife “cook, clean, do laundry, or take care of the kids.” However, he quickly clarified what exactly he meant by his claims, which put viewers’ nerves at ease. 



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“I do what I am supposed to do as a father and a husband,” Minton said. “I cook, I clean, I do the laundry, I take care of the kids. I can’t help my wife do those things because they are my job too.” He encouraged other men to change the way they speak and think when it comes to domestic responsibilities, adding, “Grow the [expletive] up and be a man.” 

Most people praised Minton for his proclamations about male involvement in household chores. However, there were a few people who believed that since Minton already worked outside of the home as a UPS driver to financially support his family, it was solely his wife’s responsibility to manage the household and children since she is a stay-at-home mother

Minton defended his wife and his belief that men should equally partake in household responsibilities in a follow-up video. “The number of things that my wife accomplishes in a single day is honestly remarkable,” he said. 

On top of cooking dinner and finding time to do laundry, she dresses the children, takes them to school, and plays with them every day while Minton is at work. “The entire position that she is actually responsible for is taking care of those kids,” he shared. “That is a very important distinction because every moment that she attempts to do some kind of chore around the house, she is actually taking time away from the kids.” 



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Minton also argued that the definition of a “stay-at-home mom” does not include being a maid and that the sole priority of the job revolves around taking care of the children. Any other responsibilities that stay-at-home parents partake in are a bonus. 

Minton’s opinions when it comes to household chore responsibilities may just save marriages. Despite gender, it is important to remember that both spouses are sharing the house together, and both should equally be taking part in managing the chores that need to be done. 

Household duties should be split equally when two people are sharing the home. 

Laura Danger, a Chicago-based coach who facilitates workshops for couples seeking a more equitable division of domestic labor, told the Huffington Post that it is “surprisingly easy” for couples to “slip into gender acquainted roles” once they live with and have children together. 

“When you consider, in cis-het couples, who is usually keeping the social calendar, signing kids up for summer camps, and ensuring the grocery list is planned and prepared, it’s often defaulted to mom,” she said, adding, “Doctors, teachers, and coaches often dial mom first. Even the vet usually calls mom before dad!” 

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Women can easily become overwhelmed by all of the household responsibilities that fall onto them, all while their husbands may not even lift a finger. 

Therefore, it is important, for the sake of mental health and to avoid burnout, that couples establish a fair balance when it comes to domestic responsibilities, even if it means having a written chore chart and agreement to keep things orderly. “One partner may need to coach the other while they step into a more active role at home, but the payoff is less resentment, less ‘nagging’ and more confidence,” Danger added. 

Overall, it's good for the relationship. She explained, “Dividing the mental load and truly sharing in the responsibility of domestic life empowers both partners to show up as whole people inside and outside of the home.” 

Splitting household duties may also bring couples closer together. If you are both taking on equal loads, there will be no resentment toward each other since you are both pulling your own weight and adequately taking responsibility. 

Men who are in heterosexual relationships that believe their wives should be solely in charge of chores could learn a thing or two from Minton’s logic. 

In modern society, it is in no way emasculating to pick up your dirty laundry or cook a meal or two even after a day at work. In fact, taking responsibility, demonstrating a strong work ethic, and showing respect for your partner in shared spaces is the true modern notion of “manliness.” 

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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.