Love

Why Women Are Obsessed With Men Who Do This Unsexy Task

Photo: Kaspars Grinvalds / Shutterstock
couples hugging on the counter

I never thought I'd say this, but the man who wields the dishcloth, and the vacuum cleaner, and magically make the garbage disappear uncomplainingly has built-in irresistibility.

Really. The vital word here is "uncomplainingly." Doing your "fair share" of the chores but doing it under sufferance won't garner you very much appreciation in the bedroom at all.

But I didn't always think this way about relationships. In my 20s and 30s, I duly read magazine articles offering relationship advice and how to have the steamiest sex — you know the ones.

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Strange to say, they were all about fantasies, athleticism, and just being super-cool in the bedroom, or just about anywhere. Everything was terribly goal-oriented: it was all about the mechanics of hot sex.

I read nothing in those articles about rubber gloves, vacuum cleaners, or garbage disposal. Bringing the paraphernalia of housecleaning into that context would be more alarming than anything else.

A long-term relationship goes beyond just pure physical attraction.

But the fact is, a long-term relationship has a different dynamic than a short-term relationship. Lust kindles the fire of love, but lust alone won't keep that fire burning bright.

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At some point, you stop seeing yourself and your partner simply as agents and recipients of sexual pleasure. Instead, you start to look at them and hope they'll look at you, as whole people — people with a life and feelings outside the sexual arena.

Because as sublime as sex may be, it's only a part of your life. 

Women love having sex with men who do chores.

What does it really mean if your partner thinks sharing the housework is unimportant?

Unless you're super-wealthy, chances are there'll be a fair amount of mundane stuff in your life, both as an individual and as a couple. How you approach the mundane stuff — the cooking, cleaning, and shopping — can seriously affect the longevity and quality of your relationship.

Why is that so? Because of the message it sends.

When one partner (often, but not always the man) says they're too busy to share the household chores, it's clear they consider them unimportant. They'd rather leave the chores to the person whose time is less valuable.

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In a society where life is more pressured than ever before, the person whose time is less valuable is, by definition, less valuable.

When a partner declines to make that sacrifice, the message is clear: "I may say that you're my equal, but everything is relative and, relatively speaking, I'd prefer for you, rather than me, to be deprived of that time. My free time is more precious than your free time. My tiredness needs more consideration than your tiredness."

Paying someone to help with the chores is often treated as a solution. Actually, it's not. It's a strategy to reduce the number of chores, and therefore the responsibility to do anything.

Helping around the home, willingly, is a clear sign of generosity and goodwill towards your partner. That's why it's so important.

Having a long, happy relationship means lending a helping hand. So, if you want your partner to show consistent generosity and goodwill towards you, helping graciously with the household chores is a surefire way to achieve it.

Goodwill and generosity will go a long way, making you look very, very lovable in their eyes. 

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Dr. Annie Kaszina is an international speaker, women’s relationship expert, and author of over a dozen books and audio programs.

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