42 Schitt's Creek Quotes That Are Simple, Yet Hilarious

42 Schitt's Creek Quotes That Are Simple, Yet Hilarious

Schitt’s Creek has been nominated for many awards (and won quite a few of them!) for its humor, acting, and writing, and some of the best Schitt's Creek quotes showcase exactly why.

The popular Canadian television show created by Eugene and Dan Levy that centers around the wealthy Rose family after they lose their fortune after being defrauded by their business manager. 

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Schitt’s Creek is a wonderful and humorous show. Keep reading for the best quotes from Schitt’s Creek.

The Best Schitt's Creek Quotes of All Time 

1. “Like Beyoncé, I excel as a solo artist.” — David

2. “Hide your diamonds, hide your exes, I’m a little bit Alexis!” — Alexis

3. “Tweet us on Facebook!” — Johnny

4. “I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now.” — David

5. “What kind of barnyard were you raised in?” — David

6. “I don’t want to brag, but Us Weekly once described me as ‘up for anything.'” — Alexis

7. “The idea of me life coaching another human being should scare you…a lot.” — David

8. “I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was the whole, like, ‘Is she gonna be a princess’ thing…um, but it’s also because we were going through this very dark phase where we were just, like, partying too hard.” — Alexis

9. “Very uninterested in that opinion.” — David

10. “You’d think there’d be more of a market for oversized paintings of other people’s families.” — Stevie

11. “I wasn’t in rehab; I was at rehab, visiting Stavros.” — Alexis

12. “I will not feel shame about the mall pretzels.” — David

13. “If those bunnies feel exploited even a little bit, I am pulling the plug.” — Ted

14. “I haven’t bedazzled anything since I was twenty-two.” — David

15. “I’m incapable of faking sincerity.” — Stevie

16. “There’s nothing here but hot singles in my area.” — Moira

17. “But people love extreme vanity…and they love puppies!” — Alexis

18. “Hashtag. Is that two words?” — Johnny

19. “Do I wear my fringed vest? Or, more importantly, do I wear anything under it?” — Patrick

20. “We’re drinking to me not becoming an alcoholic.” — Stevie

21. “What’s your favorite season?” — Alexis

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22. “You just watch a season of Girls and do the opposite of what they do.” — David on surviving in NYC

23. “My name is Alexis, and yes, I did not finish high school. Um, it’s this long, boring story involving a yacht, and a famous soccer player, and like a ton of mushrooms.” — Alexis

24. “I didn’t go missing, David. The FBI knew where I was the entire time!” — Alexis

25. “The internet is a breeding ground for freaks.” — David

26. “Oh in case you wake up in a chair with your hands duct-taped together, you can snap the duct tape by just raising your hands over your head and then bringing them down really hard.” — Alexis

27. “I’m only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment.” — Stevie

28. “I’m gonna need a stiff drink to get through this.” — David

29. “You’re not the only one with an online presence.” — Johnny

30. “The actual longest relationship was a three-month affair with a Saudi prince; but for the last two months of that, I was trapped in his palace, trying to get to an embassy.” — Alexis

31. “Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.” — Moira

32. “I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it’s one day with 12 bottles of wine.” — Stevie

33. “I don’t skate through life, David. I walk through life, in really nice shoes.” — Alexis

34. “I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit, and falling asleep early.” — David

35. “I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.” — David

36. “You know what, David? You get murdered first for once.” — Alexis

37. “No matter what anyone says, you will always be our first dad.” — David

38. “You do realize I’m a professional vocalist?” — Moira

39. “I once hosted the non-televised portion of the People’s Choice Awards.” — Moira

40. “This wine is awful. Get me another glass.” — Moira

41. “You know, being approachable isn’t that important anyway, The Queen hasn’t smiled since the ’70s, and her birthdays are still very well attended.” — David

42. “I have lost all my skills. And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless like you and your sister.” — Moira

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Jaycee Levin is an Instagram influencer and writer who covers astrology, entertainment, love, and relationships.