"The worst thing about prison was the dementors..."
By Molly Given — Written on Aug 05, 2021
"The Office" — NBC's award-winning adaptation of the BBC mockumentary-style series originally created by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant — is still capturing hearts and funny bones more than eight years after the final season wrapped.
And even though they're sadly no longer filming new episodes, there's still plenty of great material and quotes from the hit TV show that remains relevant today.
Especially now that yet another generation of Dunderheads has developed their own love of the series (thanks to re-runs on Peacock, Amazon Prime, and iTunes), you probably won't go very long without seeing someone somewhere using The Office's best quotes and memes on social media or cracking jokes from any of the kooky characters who made the U.S. version of the show so uniquely funny.
Whether your personal favorite character is Jim Halpert, Pam Beesly, Dwight Schrute, Kelly Kapoor, Michael Scott, or any of the other memorable folks who graced us with their presence in or around the Dunder Mifflin Scranton branch, there are a ton of hilarious moments from the show that will never get old.
Just ask any true fan of the TV show — they've most likely have binge-watched every single episode two or three times.
If you need a funny Michael Scott quote to pick you up from a bad day, or just a good laugh courtesy of Dwight Schrute to keep you going, these are the best quotes from the U.S. version of "The Office" to help put a smile on your face — with plenty of images and memes to share on social media.
88 Best "The Office" Quotes of All Time
1. "Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way." — Michael Scott
Season 5 Episode 11: "The Duel"
2. "I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out..." — Kelly Kapoor
Season 7 Episode 2: "Counseling"
3. "I am Beyoncé always." — Michael Scott
Season 6 Episode 25: "The Chump"
4. "Oh, it is on, like a prawn who yawns at dawn." — Andy Bernard
Season 5 Episode 26: "Casual Friday"
5. "I am running away from my responsibilities and it feels good." — Michael Scott
Season 4 Episode 7: "Money"
6. "Should have burned this place down when I had the chance." — Michael Scott
Season 7 Episode 19: "Amber Rains"
7. "One day Michael came in and complained about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then." — Jim Halpert
Seaason 4 Episode 1: "Fun Run"
8. "Mini cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?" — Kevin Malone
Season 9 Episode 9: "Dwight Christmas"
9. "I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat." — Pam Beesly
Season 4 Episode 13: "Dinner Party"
10. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." — Michael Scott
Season 2 Episode 6: "The Fight"
11. "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' and if they would, I do not do that thing." — Dwight Schrute
Season 3 Episode 16: "Business School"
12. "I stopped caring a long time ago." — Creed Bratton
Season 2 Episode 22: "Casino Night"
13. "It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand." — Michael Scott
Season 2 Episode 14: "The Carpet"
14. "The doctor said, if I can't find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I'm going to die. I'm going to die." — Stanley Hudson
Season 5 Episode 13: "Stress Relief"
15. "I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious." — Michael Scott
Season 4 Episodes 1 & 2: "Fun Run"
16. "You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once." — Dwight Schrute
Deleted scene
17. "Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica." — Jim Halpert
Season 3 Episode 21: "Product Recall"
18. "I understand nothing." — Michael Scott
Season 5 Episode 22: "The Dream Team"
19. "What are your weaknesses?" "I don't have any, a**hole." — Kelly Kapoor
Season 7 Episodes 25 - 26: "Search Committee"
20. "I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number." — Kevin Malone
Season 6 Episode 4: "Niagra"
21. "For my new year's resolution, I gave up drinking... during the week." — Meredith Palmer
Season 2 Episode 10: "Christmas Party"
22. Michael: "Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm." Jim: "Another worm, like, are they friends?" — Michael Scott and Jim Halpert
Season 3 Episode 17: "Cocktails"
23. "An office is a place where dreams come true." — Michael Scott
Season 5 Episode 13: "Stress Relief"
24. "I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them." — Andy Bernard
Season 9 Episode 24 & 25: "Finale"
25. "I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake." — Kelly Kapoor
Season 7 Episode 22: "Goodbye Michael"
26. "If I don't have some cake soon, I might die." — Stanley Hudson
Season 4 Episode 7: "Survivor Man"
27. "I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do." — Michael Scott
Season 5 Episode 13: "Stress Relief"
28. "Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship." — Andy Bernard
Season 3 Episode 13: "The Return"
29. "I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted." — Kevin Malone
Season 3 Episode 22: "Beach Games"
30. "That's what she said." — Michael Scott
Various episodes
Best Michael Scott Quotes from "The Office"
31. "Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make." — Michael Scott
Season 4 Episode 1: "Fun Run"
32. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott
Season 2 Episode 3: "Office Olympics"
33. "I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream." — Michael Scott
Season 9 Episodes 24 & 25: "Finale"
34. "St. Patrick's Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas." — Michael Scott
Season 6 Episode 19: "St. Patrick's Day"
35. "I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car." — Michael Scott
— Season 4 Episode 1: "Fun Run"
Best Dwight Schrute Quotes from "The Office"
36. "You couldn't handle my undivided attention." — Dwight Schrute
Season 6 Episode 19: "New Leads"
37. "I am faster than 80 percent of all snakes." — Dwight Schrute
Season 2 Episode 12: "The Injury"
38. "I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors." — Dwight Schrute
Season 5 Episode 9: "Frame Toby"
39. "You couldn't handle my undivided attention." — Dwight Schrute
Season 6 Episode 19: "New Leads"
40. "Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it." — Dwight Schrute
Season 7 Episode 24: "Search Committee"
41. "I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides." — Dwight Schrute
Season 3 Episode 21: "Women's Appreciation"
42. "When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby." — Dwight Schrute
Season 3 Episode 4: "Grief Counseling"
Best Jim Halpert Quotes from "The Office"
43. "Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train." — Jim Halpert
Season 1 Episode 13: "Health Care"
44. "I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try." — Jim Halpert
Season 4 Episode 17: "Job Fair"
45. "From time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future." — Jim Halpert
Season 3 Episode 7: "Branch Closing"
46. "Oh so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift. I found a recording device in it. Yes. So. I think if I play it just right, I can get Dwight to live out the plot of National Treasure." — Jim Halpert
Season 6 Episode 7: "The Lover"
47. "We didn't play many video games in Scranton. Instead we'd do stuff like.. uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it... Pretendinitis." — Jim Halpert
Season 3 Episode 3: "The Coup"
48. "Everything I have I owe to this job. This stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job." — Jim Halpert
Season 9 Episode 23: "The Finale"
Best Prison Mike Quotes from "The Office"
49. "The worst thing about prison was the Dementors." — Prison Mike
Season 3 Episode 9: "The Convict"
50. "I stole. ... And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the... president's son. And held him for ransom." — Prison Mike
Season 3 Episode 10: "The Convict"
51. "There are no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who... have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! Nobody is nobody’s b****." — Prison Mike
Season 3 Episode 10: "The Convict"
Best Robert California Quotes from "The Office"
52. "There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional." — Robert California
Season 8 Episode 2: "The Incentive"
53. "You want to start a street fight with me? Bring it on. But you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name. I'm the f***ing lizard king."
Season 8 Episode 23: "Turf War"
54. "Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?" — Robert California
Season 7 Episode 24: "Search Committee"
55. "I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It's rock n roll for people who don't like rock n roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop." — Robert California
Season 8 Episode 7: "Christmas Wishes"
56. "You can't have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient." — Robert California
Season 8 Episode 6: "Doomsday"
Best Andy Bernard Quotes from "The Office"
57. "Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them. Because they're unfair." — Andy Bernard
Season 5 Episode 1: "Weight Loss"
58. "I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things." — Andy Bernard
Season 5 Episode 22: "Heavy Competition"
59. "In high school, I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway got a twelve twenty. Always regretted it... I feel lachrymose." — Andy Bernard
Season 6 Episode 11: "Shareholder Meeting"
60. "Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes." — Andy Bernard
Season 7 Episode 3: "Andy's Play"
61. "You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.'" — Andy Bernard
Season 5 Episode 19: "Golden Ticket"
62. "Put your heart out there like that, it's liable to just turn into this blackened carbon brick where it has barbecue sauce of shame and rage and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that!" — Andy Bernard
Season 5 Episode 19: "Golden Ticket"
Best Pam Beesly Quotes from "The Office"
63. “I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn’t hate me.” — Pam Beesly
Season 5 Episodes 16 & 17: "Lecture Circuit"
64. "I feel God in this Chili's tonight." — Pam Beesly
Season 2 Episode 1: "The Dundies"
65. "I have decided that I'm going to be more honest. I'm gonna start telling people what I want, directly. So, look out world, 'cuz 'ol Pammy is gettin' what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy." — Pam Beesly
Season 3, Episode 17: "Cocktails"
Best Ryan Howard Quotes from "The Office"
66. "I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to." — Ryan Howard
Season 3 Episode 10: "A Benihana Christmas"
67. "I'm not saying I had a meteoric rise, but I did." — Ryan Howard
Season 4 Episode 2: "Dunder Mifflin Infinity"
68. "A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and um, we all took it really hard." — Ryan Howard
Season 3 Episode 4: "Grief Counseling"
Best Quotes from Rest of the Coworkers at Dunder Mifflin Scranton
69. "Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are just too flashy." — Angela Martin
Season 3 Episode 21: "Women's Appreciation"
70. "You know, I thought this was an office, not the thunderdome." — Clark Greene
Season 9 Episode 13: "Junior Salesman"
71. "I’ve been involved in a number of cults both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower but you make more money as a leader." — Creed Bratton
Season 4 Episode 1: "Casual Friday"
72. “You need to access your uncrazy side, otherwise maybe this thing has run its course." — Darryl Philbin
Season 4 Episodes 7 & 8: "Money"
73. "Everyone I know who skis is dead." — DeAngelo Vickers
Season 7 Episode 20: "Michael's Last Dundies"
74. "Talk to me that way again and I'll cut your face." — Erin Hannon
Season 6 Episode 19: "St. Patrick's Day"
75. "My last job was at a Taco Bell Express. But then it became a full Taco Bell and, I don't know, I couldn't keep up." — Erin Hannon
Season 6 Episode 22: "Secretary's Day"
76. "You don't want to get on my bad side, I have seen some horrible things, I own over 200 horror movies." — Gabe Lewis
Season 8 Episode 5: "Spooked"
77. "He answers to Michael. Michael G. Scott. Michael J. Fox. Mr. Fox. The Incredible Mr. Fox." — Holly Flax
Season 7 Episode 15: "The Search"
78. "My psychiatrist thinks that I have some self-destructive tendencies, and that for once, I should indulge them." — Jan Levinson
Season 3 Episode 12: "Back From Vacation"
79. "I’m a breast cancer survivor, close, personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys." — Jo Bennet
Season 6 Episode 15: "Manager and Salesman"
80. "Daryl Philbin is the most complicated man that I've ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?" — Kelly Kapoor
Season 4 Episodes 7 & 8: "Money"
81. "Whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it." — Kevin Malone
Season 8 Episode 22: "The Fundraiser"
82. "I have one simple philosophy in business: if the seat is open, the job is open. It's how I came to briefly race a Formula One car. The three slowest laps ever recorded." — Nellie Bertram
Season 8 Episode 19: "Get The Girl"
83. "I consider myself a good person, but I'm gonna try to make him cry." — Oscar Martinez
Season 5 Episode 13: "Stress Relief"
84. "It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me Plop for so long, he forgot my real name. Which is Pete." — Pete Miller
Season 9 Episode 15: "Moving On"
85. "I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs." — Phyllis Vance
Season 5 Episode 1: "Weight Loss"
86. "It's like I used to tell my wife: I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I'll say it to my next one, too." — Stanley Hudson
Season 4 Episode 12: "Did I Stutter?"
87. "Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked." — Toby Flenderson
Season 4 Episode 18: "Goodbye, Toby"
88. "Alright. Truth is, I got a couple love bumps on my ding dong, so I was like oh, game over." — Todd Packer
Season 7 Episode 18: "Garage Sale"
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Molly Given is a writer living in Philadelphia and a lover of all things to do with mystery and magic in life. She focuses on quotes, pop culture, television and entertainment.