50 Best Michael Scott Quotes From 'The Office' To Crack You Up

50 Best Michael Scott Quotes From 'The Office' To Crack You Up
Quotes

The Office, adapted from a BBC series of the same name, follows the work lives of office employees of a branch of the fictional Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. Over its nine seasons, these hilarious Michael Scott quotes and one-liners are some of the show's most memorable moments.

The series was nominated for Golden Globes and Emmys during its run thanks to its dry, awkward humor and outlandish quotes, many of which were from Steve Carell’s character. 

RELATED: 20 Best 'The Office' Love Quotes From Jim & Pam​

Why did Michael leave The Office?

Carell left the show in 2011, two years before the show officially ended, because he wasn’t offered a contract renewal.

The drama of his exit began when he let the news slip during a radio interview. Carell wanted to do another season, but for some reason, NBC didn’t care to make a deal for his contract extension.

The negotiations of Carell’s contract happened during the time that NBC changed its leadership from Jeff Zucker to Bon Greenblatt. The show’s producer, Randy Cordray, says Greenblatt wasn’t “as big a fan of The Office” as they hoped he’d be. He went as far as to say that Greenblatt “took The Office for granted.” 

The show continued for two seasons after he left, but it wasn’t the same without Michael Scott as the quirky boss character.​

50 Best Michael Scott Quotes from 'The Office'

1. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take — Wayne Gretzky” 

Photo: reddit

2. “I...Declare...Bankruptcy!”

Photo: reddit

3. “Where are the turtles?!”

Photo: Pinterest

4. “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!”

Photo: Pinterest

5. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

Photo: Pinterest

6. “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”

Photo: Pinterest

7. “I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.”

Photo: Pinterest

8. “If I had a gin with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

Photo: funnyjunk

9. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”

Photo: Pinterest

10. “You know what they say. ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three.’”

Photo: reddit

11. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

Photo: TV gag

12. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

Photo: TV gag

13. “I am Beyoncé, always.”

Photo: Pinterest

14. “I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.”

Photo: reddit

15. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both, I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

Photo: reddit

16. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”

Photo: Picture Quotes

17. “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?... I really can’t say, but yes!”

Photo: reddit

18. “No, I’m not going to tell them about downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.”

Photo: read beach

19. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”

Photo: reddit

20. “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah of course. A bunch of ‘em. My employees.”

Photo: India Times

21. “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.”

Photo: imgur

22. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”

Photo: wise life lesson

23. “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White-collar, blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind."

Photo: Pinterest

24. “St. Patrick’s Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas.”

Photo: reddit

25. “I want you to rub butter on my foot...Pam, please? I have Country Crock?”

Photo: reddit

RELATED: 20 Tough 'The Office' Trivia Questions & Answers Only True Fans Will Know​

26. “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.”

Photo: Know Your Meme

27. “Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.’”

Photo: Pinterest

28. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”

Photo: TV gag

29. “All I can do right now is put on a brave face.”

Photo: Pinterest

30. “I am running away from my responsibilities, And It feels good.”

31. “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.”

Photo: Pinterest

32. “This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now you should have seen her a couple of years ago.”

Photo: tumblr

33. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”

Photo: reddit

34. “Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.”

Photo: tumblr

35. “Oh my God, that's three times as long as it takes me.”

Photo: Pinterest

36. “People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.”

Photo: Pinterest

37. “Webster’s Dictionary defines a wedding as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”

Photo: TV gag

38. “I am dead inside.”

Photo: Pinterest

39. “Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.”

Photo: reddit

40. "I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German and Scottish...sort of a virtual United Nations.”

Photo: quickmeme

41. “It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.”

Photo: me.me

42. “It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.”

Photo: me.me

43. “They say that your wedding goes by in such a flash that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. Let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart Broad.”

Photo: reddit

44. “Oh my God, my mind is going a mile an hour.”

Photo: Pinterest

45. “Well, well, well, how the turntables.”

Photo: Pinterest

46. “We’re all homos. Homo...Sapiens.”

Photo: Pinterest

47. “I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious of physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask?”

Photo: blogspot

48. “Yes, it is true! I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. I need a username and I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”

Photo: reddit

49. “I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”

Photo: Pinterest

50. “I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”

Photo: reddit

RELATED: Which Office Character Is Most Like Your Zodiac Sign​

Sign Up for the YourTango Newsletter

Let's make this a regular thing!

Chinyere (pronounced sha-near-ruh) is a writer who covers entertainment and pop culture news, along with the zodiac.

Author
Editor