Amy Schumer Kisses The Role Of Barbie Goodbye — Here Are Our Top 5 Replacements

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Amy Schumer Will Not Play Barbie In Sony's Live-Action Movie, So Here Are 5 Perfect Replacements
Entertainment And News

The Dream House is awaiting...

Comedian and actress Amy Schumer is no longer attached to Sony's live-action film based on the popular line of toys, Barbie, currently slated to be released in 2018. In an exclusive statement given to Variety, Schumer related the following:

“Sadly, I’m no longer able to commit to Barbie due to scheduling conflicts ... The film has so much promise, and Sony and Mattel have been great partners. I’m bummed, but look forward to seeing Barbie on the big screen.”

According to IMDB, the movie's premise revolves around a doll who is expelled from her native 'Barbieland' for not being perfect enough, sending her off on an adventure in the real world.

I, for one, am excited to see it, no matter who filled Barbie's gorgeous hot-pink shoes!

Sony released a statement of their own in which they shared that, “We respect and support Amy’s decision … We look forward to bringing Barbie to the world and sharing updates on casting and filmmakers soon.”

Given that the brand behind Barbie's legendary success, Mattel, has already begun production on movie merchandise, they need to find a new Barbie — STAT!

So we decided to help them out by sharing our top five picks for the starring role.

1. Rebel Wilson

I know what you're thinking. I had the same gut reaction when I thought of Rebel Wilson, too.

How can Barbie have a British accent? 

Despite that one tiny flaw, I think Rebel Wilson can totally pull off Barbie. Can you imagine her running amuck in the real world after being kicked out? Pure comedy gold!

2. Angelyne

Angelyne is kind of a big deal ... on the west coast.

Nothing about her personal life can be verified because she always gives different answers to questions. So chic! If you've never heard of this legendary Valley Girl who rose to a bizarre sort of fame in the 1980's, she is an actress, singer, and model known mainly for prominent billboards and random sightings in her trademark pink Corvette.

Just look at the women! She's been dressing for the part for over three decades now, and did I already mention the pink Corvette?! If that's not dedicating oneself to a role, I don't what possibly is.

RELATED: If You Buy Her A Barbie Doll, You Better Get Her A Light Saber Too!

3. Anastasia Reskoss 

Anastasia is known for having undergone numerous surgeries in order to make herself look like Barbie. She even hooked up with the human Ken doll, Quentin Dehar, who also spent over $100,000 to look like the plastic doll. However, it wasn't meant to be. Recently, "Ken" broke up with "Barbie" because she went decided to go back to her roots as a brunette and, as we all know, Barbie is a blonde! 

So, I assume Anastasia has some time on her hands now for filming. Just saying ...

RELATED: 6 Reasons I'm Proud Of My Plastic Surgery (And Proud To Be Vain)

4. Beyoncé

Queen B can handle Barbie. Wait, what? What's that you're saying? She can't be Barbie because ... she's pregnant with twins?

Damn it! That's a good point. But I have a feeling Beyoncé will be back to work kicking ass and taking names soon enough.

5. Meryl Streep

Despite what some Twitter users say (*ahem Donald Trump ahem*), Meryl Streep is not overrated. She is a versatile actress who can play any role she damn well chooses. Yes, even BARBIE!

Do I smell another Oscar win? I think I do!

Bonus option:

ME! Liza friggin' Walter

My resume may be short (or non-existent, depends on how you look at things) but I can sing really well. I mean, when I sing, my neighbors bang on the ceiling and I know that means they're asking for encores!

Can I act? Well, let me tell YOU: I act every damn day.

You think I want to interact with people and be friendly? No, I want to be secluded in a cabin somewhere snowed in with a bunch of books and hot chocolate. But you'd never know that because I'm as sweet as can be.

And that folks, is what you call acting!