Wife Shares The 7 'Controversial Marriage Agreements' She And Her Husband Signed Before Tying The Knot
They came up with some strict guidelines for their marriage.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock A woman admitted that she and her husband came up with a list of agreements that the two of them signed before getting married, and some of them might seem a bit unconventional and even contoversial. In a TikTok video, a newlywed named Elle caused a bit of a stir after sharing some of the stipulations that exist between her and her now-husband. Many people have pointed out that most of these "rules" seem quite absurd and shouldn't actually exist if two people are choosing each other and vowing to spend the rest of their lives together.
1. Spousal political alignment clause
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Elle explained that she and her husband agreed not to change their political standing. She claimed that they both don't believe in political and ideological changes, which to her means it's unfair to change their political beliefs in the middle of their marriage. While it may be coming from a good place, it is impossible to never change. As humans, we grow and evolve, and that includes the things that we care about and believe in.
For most couples, marrying someone with opposing political views is often a dealbreaker, especially considering politics nowadays borders on caring about basic human rights. According to a recent poll, a majority of Americans under 45 said it's important to date or marry someone who shares their political views. It does differ with age. Among Gen Z and young millennials, six in 10 feel it's important, compared to just a third of boomers.
2. Income parity agreement
For Elle and her husband, this meant that their incomes must always have a 50/50 ratio to prevent a financial power imbalance between the two. For many married couples, finances are always a hot topic and a cause for divorce if they aren't seeing eye-to-eye. According to one survey, 35% of people blame finances for the stress they experience in their relationships.
In fact, in recent findings from National Debt Relief, 3 in 5 Americans have considered putting off marriage to avoid inheriting their partner’s debt, while 54% of respondents believe that having a partner who is in debt is a major reason to consider divorce. However, it might be a bit unrealistic to assume that throughout a marriage, two people will be able to have an income that always has a 50/50 ratio. It doesn't take into consideration the possibility of being laid off or economic hardships.
3. Marriage expiration date
Elle and her husband made sure to include a clause that would revisit their vows every seven years. She explained that this "expiration date" meant that their marriage would expire every 7 years unless both people wanted to "reapply."
She said they included this clause because they got married young and this would ensure they were both happy for the long term, preventing resentment and underlying issues from creeping up on them.
4. Emotional labor audits
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To avoid having to be the one who's always carrying the emotional labor in her marriage, Elle made sure she and her husband were on the same page when it came down to it. They agreed to always log time spent on emotional household and relationship tasks so that there was an equal division of labor happening between the two of them.
They wanted to put an emphasis on equality in their union. Considering that in heterosexual marriages, women are constantly taking up more of the burden compared to men, it makes sense that Elle would want to avoid that in her own marriage.
5. Marriage suspension
Elle claimed that she and her husband agreed that either of them can request a "temporary 3-month" marriage suspension, but are only allowed to do it once every 3 years. While Elle didn't elaborate on what exactly a "suspension" means, from the sounds of it, she and her husband can request to take a break from each other and their marriage if things aren't going smoothly.
At first glance, it may seem like that could work, but the best way to resolve conflict in a marriage is through open communication, not by putting space between the issue and allowing it to fester and build up. A "suspension" might even make things work, but what one couple believes in doesn't have to be a universal rule for all married couples.
6. Surveillance-based relationship
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Elle and her husband have made it a priority to always know where the other person is at all times. That means they can track each other’s locations via tracking apps that are on all of their devices. While it may come from a concern for safety, tracking your partner's location so intensely can lead to more problems than anything else.
"Monitoring is not the same thing as relational closeness. Apps like these are really marketing to our primal fear of uncertainty and danger in the guise of our need for connection. It offers the illusion that information will keep us safe and connected. It doesn’t address the core issues that are at risk in the act of monitoring: trust and consent," pointed out psychologist Pamela Rutledge.
7. State-enforced marriage caps
Elle and her husband agreed that not only did they believe in only being married to one person for their lifetime, but that if they ever divorced, neither one of them was allowed to get married to someone else. In her words, "remarriage is legally forbidden." Of course, no married couple ever wants to get divorced after making such a huge commitment to each other, but the possibility of divorce is always a real thing.
To dictate how your former partner moves once they're no longer with you feels a bit controlling and intrusive. While it may be saddening to watch someone you once loved move on with another person, that is well within their right and yours. Love doesn't just have to exist with one person. You can find love with someone else.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
