You Can Tell Someone's Desperate For Attention By 9 Phrases They Say In Casual Conversation
Nadia Sobchuk / Shutterstock Everyone enjoys getting attention from time to time. It feels nice when someone remembers your birthday or notices you got a new haircut. A desire for attention only becomes a problem when someone needs it so badly that they become depressed or angry without it, or when they can't handle attention being directed toward anyone but themselves.
People like this seek out the spotlight by talking over others and doing whatever they can to draw conversations back to themselves. While attention seekers might think attention means developing a deeper connection, it usually has the opposite effect. Their sense of desperation can end up annoying and exhausting the people they crave it from most. After spending enough time around a person who has to have constant attention, you'll start to notice they often rely on specific phrases to keep everyone's focus on them.
If someone is absolutely desperate for attention, they'll drop these phrases in casual conversations
1. “They’re obsessed with me.”
Few phrases scream that someone is an attention seeker quite like this one. Someone who's desperate for attention insists that other people are constantly talking about them. They might mention that someone is constantly asking them to hang out, or that someone else is always copying them.
These are attempts to make it seem like a person that other people find it impossible not to focus on. The implication is that you should be paying attention to them too.
This behavior could also be due to the spotlight effect, a psychological term that describes the tendency to overestimate how much others notice us, often associated with social anxiety. Because we are at the center of our own lives, people experiencing this assume others see them at the center of their own lives, too.
2. "Did you know..."
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Let's face it, we all love to gossip. Even if it's not all the time, it can be interesting to hear about the latest drama occurring with people you know.
Attention seekers use this to entice people to listen to them. They might say "Did you know..." in a casual conversation before sharing someone's personal business. Sometimes the story is true, or at least, true but exaggerated, and sometimes it's completely made up. Whatever the case, they probably aren't sharing the information to inform people about something they truly need to know.
Attention seekers share the latest gossip to get, well, attention. They might even make the story longer than necessary, adding extra details to keep the listener hanging on for as long as possible.
3. “I’m not tired.”
Some people don't know when to call it a night. Attention seekers never seem to be the first to leave. In fact, they often overstay their welcome. They want to soak up every second of attention they can get. If everyone goes home, they'll lose their audience.
If the party is at someone's house, they'll try to stick around even after everyone else leaves in order to have the undivided attention of their host. This can be frustrating for everyone and end up earning them only the kind of attention they actually weren't looking for.
4. “I don’t get what their problem is.”
Attention seekers tend to be somewhat narcissistic. Narcissists tend to be focused on themselves and struggle to have empathy for others. This can be seen in the way they avoid listening to others, so they don't have to give up any attention.
Narcissists have a hard time understanding how their behavior rubs others the wrong way. If someone gets mad at them, they genuinely may not understand.
Most people want to contribute to a conversation they're in. If they're blocked from doing this by someone who needs attention, they might become increasingly frustrated. Their friends might get so annoyed that they don't want to hang out with them anymore, whether that person eventually understands why or not.
5. "I've been really struggling recently."
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Our brains are literally programmed to be part of a pack. This mentality helps us survive as a species because it causes us to care when other people are struggling.
If someone is desperate for attention, they may intuitively understand that and tell others how much trouble they're experiencing as a way to hook into their hard-wired empathy. By using this phrase, they know they can probably make themselves the center of attention pretty quickly. Everyone needs support at times, but attention seekers tend to overuse this phrase to keep sympathetic attention focused on them.
6. “You won't believe what happened to me!”
This phrase can immediately pique someone's interest, making them curious enough to tune in to what someone else is saying. Just like gossip, the stories that attention seekers say after this phrase might be exaggerated, but for a different reason. They keep talking and talking to try to make their lives sound more interesting so people will keep paying attention.
Wanting to tell other people about your life isn't necessarily a bad thing, but if someone starts every conversation this way, they're probably desperate for attention and feel a need to pull conversations back to them.
7. “I feel like no one cares about me.”
People who need attention aren't always obsessed with themselves. Most of them act that way because they feel insecure. The attention other people give them serves as validation that they are good enough.
These people might struggle to see that others do actually care about them. Even if they have friends, they might never believe the attention they receive from them is enough, which leads them to believe the person in question doesn't truly care about them.
Their insecurities are usually triggered when they lose attention, convincing them that they were right and that they're not worth being friends with.
8. "You're invited!"
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Because attention seekers have some pretty frustrating habits, they don't always have many friends. They might not get invited to a lot of social functions because people don't want to put up with their behavior.
This doesn't stop them from seeking out attention, though. Instead, they're likely to throw social gatherings themselves. That way, they can get the attention they otherwise would have lost. For someone who's craving attention, these parties might be less about connection and more about making themselves the star of the evening.
Most of the time, this works. People want to be kind and attentive to the people who do something nice for them. Hosting a party can be a lot of work, so people tend to give hosts compliments and gratitude for their effort.
9. “My boss is really impressed with me.”
There's nothing wrong with celebrating your accomplishments. When you do a good job, you should be proud of yourself. Still, there's a difference between celebrating and bragging.
If someone is constantly talking about how well they're doing at work, they're probably desperate for attention. They won't let their success speak for itself because they want to appear more successful than they really are. Instead, they bring up promotions or praise from their boss to prove they're someone worth respecting.
We tend to listen to people we respect more than those we don't. By portraying themselves as professionally successful, they can earn the respect and attention that come with it.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
