Why This One Repressed Emotion Is Ruining Your Relationship

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man looking depressed

What do repressed emotions and energy healing have to do with the quality of your relationships and love life? Well, in a word, everything!

Your thoughts can influence your mood and emotional health. And by focusing on energy healing to shift your thinking into positive thoughts, you can also improve your emotional intelligence and make yourself happier in the process.

We’ve all felt it. That sinking, empty feeling that crashes over you after a breakdown in an intimate relationship.

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Suddenly, you can’t focus. You have zero control over your emotions. Your mood plummets. And at that moment, it seems that not only is your relationship hopeless, but so is everything else in your life.

So, what happened?

To those who are unaware of how profoundly energy affects your relationships, the answer to “what happened” seems obvious enough: The other person did something that “made” them upset.

The thought process behind this conclusion goes like this: “If you hadn’t said that, done that, or broken our agreement, I wouldn’t be feeling so bad.”

Now, although this is the paradigm that most of the world is living within, it’s far from healthy. And it’s nowhere near accurate once you understand the role that energy plays in relationships. In fact, giving another person the credit or blame for your happiness or unhappiness is the fast track to misery.

So, if blaming your partner isn’t the solution, then what is?

The path back to joy — and to self-empowerment and emotional freedom — is through energy healing.

Here’s how relationship conflicts can trigger energy imbalances within you, and how you can facilitate your own energy healing.

It may seem a bit off-topic but think back to a time when you’ve had a splinter or a paper cut on your finger. Every time that finger touched something, even lightly, you felt a jolt of pain, right?

Your other nine fingers felt no pain, but for the one that is slightly wounded, everything hurts.

This is the same phenomenon that sets the stage for your emotional reactions. You have underlying emotional wounds, even some you’re not consciously aware of. And just like a splinter under the skin, that emotional wound creates a sensitivity that wouldn’t be there otherwise.

The real pain in relationships comes not from the other person’s actions, but from your reaction to their actions. It’s not the events that hurt you. It’s the way you interpreted the event, and what you made it mean within your own mind.

And this has everything to do with the past emotional wounds you carried with you into your present relationship.

Imagine you’re dating someone, and your weekly routine is to spend Saturday nights together, just the two of you. But when Saturday comes, with no warning, he tells you he’s going to visit a friend instead.

Now, technically speaking, did his action violate your previous agreement and expectation? Yes, it did. But the reaction you will have to his action is specific only to you.

And the way you react to it has everything to do with the ways you’ve been wounded in the past.

Everyone experiences wounding events early in their lives — and even those that are unintentional leave impressions on your psyche.

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You form conclusions and beliefs as a result of those experiences, which you carry inside as emotional wounds or hot buttons.

In the example of a broken date, some people may react with hurt because they make it mean they are unimportant.

Some people will react with anger, believing they are being mistreated or taken advantage of. Others will sulk or sabotage the relationship because their “I’m not good enough,” belief has been triggered. And some people won’t react at all!

The old saying, “We do not see life as it is; we see life as we are," applies here. How you interpret any event in your life has everything to do with your perception. And your perception is always filtered through your past experiences.

In other words, it’s not the broken date that’s tearing you up inside. It’s the emotional reaction within you that this action triggered that is making your energy go haywire.

Here are 4 simple steps you can take to use energy healing to improve your emotional intelligence and be happier in any circumstance:

1. Take responsibility

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission.” The fact that one of your emotional wounds has been triggered is not the fault of the person who triggered it!

It is a result of a long-standing emotional wound that has come to your awareness in order to be healed. This energy imbalance is affecting your body and mind, and therefore you have the responsibility — and the opportunity — to heal it.

Until you accept this, you’ll continue to waste energy trying to get others to take responsibility for your feelings. And viewing others as the cause of our feelings is a death blow to even the most promising relationships.

So instead, take your power back by taking responsibility. You can do this easily by closing your eyes, taking some deep breaths, and repeating this mantra:

“This emotion is taking place within my energy body. It is my reaction that is causing me pain; not the other person’s action. And, I have the power to alter my reactions.”

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2. Allow the energy to "move"

Emotions are simply energy in motion, and when they become stuck or repressed, your energy body becomes unhealthy.

It’s understandable to try to numb your emotions in order to protect yourself from feeling pain. But this only compounds the imbalance. Repressed emotions block the natural flow of energy, and keep you from easily moving to higher feeling states.

There are many techniques for moving energy. You can do some deep breathing. You can turn on some music and dance. You can scream into a pillow or watch a sad movie and give yourself permission to enjoy a deep cry. A brisk walk or cardio session will also get the energy moving.

The key is to move your breath or body with the intention of releasing energy. At this stage, you’re not trying to jump from feeling miserable to feeling fabulous all at once. You’re just looking for a feeling of relief.

So, whatever physical activity you take, do it with the intention of feeling an energy release.

3. Decide on the quality of energy and emotion you’d like to experience

And consciously draw it in, too.

You live in a universe that is governed by many unseen laws, and one of these is the Law of Polarity. This law could also be stated as the law of opposing forces.

For example, you wouldn’t be able to perceive light without the presence of darkness. You could never recognize love if you hadn’t felt hatred. And no experience would ever strike you as painful if you didn’t have the capacity to feel greater joy.

Anything you experience in a relationship that throws your energy for a loop can be used to your advantage. Because, now that you know what you don’t want, you have greater clarity about what you do.

Let’s go back to the example of your S.O. breaking a date.

If the wound that was triggered was, “I’m unimportant,” you now know you want to feel cherished. If your reaction was one of anger, you’re clear about wanting greater respect.

Every contrasting experience moves you in the direction of your evolution. They help you to see who you now are and what you desire to experience.

So, to turn your contrast into clarity, bring to mind the experience that triggered the energy imbalance within you. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, the anger, the betrayal.

Then ask yourself, “How would I like to feel instead?”

4. Commit to generating a positive feeling from within

In the same way, you cannot blame your partner for unhappiness, you can’t look to them to make you happy, either.

Your true empowerment comes from recognizing that regardless of anyone else’s actions, you have the power to feel on purpose. You have the power to focus on all that’s gone wrong in the past, or on all that’s now in the process of being created.

You can focus on what you perceive has been lost, or on all that you are now ready to gain.

Where you place your focus is where your energy will flow. And where your energy flows is what you will ultimately create.

Your attention is your most precious resource. Focus on the way you want to feel. Focus on the clarity you’ve received as a result of the unwanted experience. Focus on the appreciation you feel for yourself and your partner.

Energy healing is nothing more than you coming back into alignment with yourself. When you align your thoughts, emotions, and actions with the reality you desire, that reality will manifest around you.

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Christy Whitman is an energy healer, celebrity coach, and the New York Times bestselling author of The Art of Having It All: A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited Abundance