11 Things Boomers Were Taught Growing Up That Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong
As times have changed, so has our understanding of many of the lessons that boomers were once taught.
Kittyfly / Shutterstock As kids, we hear lessons from our parents about what we can expect as we grow older and settle into adulthood. Some of the things our parents teach us end up coming true, and thankfully, because we've been prepared from the time we were kids, those hurdles aren't hard to jump over, but there are also things that our parents teach us that end up not coming true, or at least not mattering in the same way that they did when our parents were our age.
Boomers were told that if they did X, Y, and Z, then they would be able to accomplish certain things. While some of those lessons may have come true, it doesn't mean that everything they were taught in their adolescence turned out the way they might've been expecting. This can be attributed to a lot of things, but especially to how drastically the world has changed. Things that were once considered normal for boomers as they were growing up ended up changing completely by the time they were actually adults. While some of the advice they received may still hold a bit of wisdom, much of it hasn't aged well.
Here are 11 things boomers were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong
1. 'Talking about money is considered rude'
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Boomers were taught that discussing money in any conversation is impolite and incredibly taboo. Whether it's talking about how much you're earning at work, how much something costs, or even how much you're paying in rent or mortgage, boomers were heavily discouraged from partaking in anything related to money or finances. In a survey from financial planning company Empower, the majority of Americans (62%) say they don’t regularly talk about money.
However, this culture of staying silent when it comes to money ends up doing more harm than good. It's good to be financially transparent with those around you because if no one is talking about money, then people can become confused about what's normal and acceptable. It ends up furthering the divide. There's nothing wrong with opening up about financial stress, as it allows people to realize that they're not alone at all.
2. 'Retirement is when life actually begins'
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For many boomers, the idea of retirement has been truly baked into how they go about their careers. They grind and work hard for decades that they're employees at a company because they've been told that retirement is when they get to actually have fun and, most importantly, relax.
The promise seemed quite simple to them when it came to retirement, but with the way the world is set up now, retirement has become less of a goal and more of a pipe dream. An AARP survey found that 20% of adults over the age of 50 have no retirement savings, and more than half (61%) are worried they will not have enough money to support themselves in retirement.
3. 'Talking about your feelings shows weakness'
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Many boomers grew up hearing that talking about their feelings or even mental health issues was something they should keep to themselves. A lot of them refused to use the terms that we use now, and the thought of going to therapy meant that something was wrong with you. Nowadays, therapy has become so much more normalized and even encouraged.
Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that Americans between the ages of 18 and 44 who had received mental health treatment like medication, counseling, or therapy over the past 12 months jumped from 18.5% to more than 23% between 2019 and 2021.
You don't necessarily need to have intense mental health issues to decide to see a therapist, because suppressing your emotions in any way doesn't mean they'll just vanish into thin air. In most cases, they end up coming out in different ways and in scenarios where you don't want them to. Boomers were once told that they shouldn't overshare or talk about their feelings, which is completely wrong. Talking about your feelings doesn't make you weak, but actually means you're quite a strong individual.
4. 'Work should come before anything else'
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Boomers were taught that before anything else in their lives, work has to be their main priority. There was no such thing as work/life balance as far as they were concerned. If they wanted to be admired in the workplace than they needed to be the first ones in the door and the last ones to leave at the end of the day, their personal life be damned.
In a report from the American Psychological Association’s 2023 Work in America Survey, 57% of workers said they had experienced negative effects due to work-related stress associated with burnout, including emotional exhaustion, irritability, and anger. Boomers were expected to come into work no matter what was going on at home, but that work-first, play later mentality means that you're neglecting your overall well-being and putting yourself at risk of being burnt out.
Work should simply not come before taking care of yourself and pouring back into your cup. If an individual keeps going down that path of hustle culture, it will slowly start to affect other areas of their life, including both their physical and mental health.
5. 'Buy a house as soon as you can'
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Buying a house has been something that boomers were told is a marker of adulthood. They were told that renting was a waste of time because it's just throwing away money instead of being able to actually buy property, which was considered the smartest investment a person could make. At the time, houses were definitely more affordable than they are now, and becoming a homeowner was more of an expectation. Now it's become more of a faraway pipe dream that an individual would be lucky to achieve.
According to a CNN poll, the majority (86%) of current renters in the United States say they would like to buy a home, but can’t afford one. From those same renters who can’t afford to buy a home right now, 54% think it’s unlikely they’ll ever be able to.
At the same time, there's nothing wrong with renting either. For many, renting allows the flexibility of being able to live wherever you want, and also, it's not as much of a money pit as a home is.
6. 'You have to go to college to be successful'
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Boomers had this expectation that college allowed individuals to have the golden ticket to living a better, more fruitful life. They were raised to believe that getting a degree meant that doors would automatically open for them and lead to stable, high-paying jobs. Skipping college meant you were setting yourself up for failure and was seen as a marker of failure. For a time, this narrative might've actually been true, but now, that could be farther from the truth.
According to Labor Department data, more high school graduates are choosing to skip college altogether and take their chances in the job market. The college enrollment rate for recent U.S. high school graduates fell to 61.4% in 2023, the lowest level in at least three decades.
Now people don't need college to succeed, and we've seen individuals start businesses and even work for themselves without a college degree. The cost of going to college has truly deterred many from even trying because they would rather try their luck in the real world than put themselves into debt to acquire a degree that most employers don't really care about anymore. That's not to say college is a bad choice, because it probably will never be, but it's simply not as necessary as it once was for boomers.
7. 'You have to get married before living together'
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Many of the lessons boomers were taught were quite traditional, including living with your partner. They were taught that you needed to be married before taking such a big leap, like moving in together and even having children together. If they decided to do the opposite, they were often met with disapproving comments and opinions from those around them.
However, now that relationships have become much more modern in today's society, many couples are not waiting until marriage just to live with their partner. In fact, many couples agree that living together before walking down the aisle is a great test to see if they can live together and be around each other forever.
8. 'Men should be the providers'
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Gender roles were quite strict and traditional when boomers were coming of age. Many of them were taught that men should be the ones to earn the money while women should stay home with the children and take care of the home. The ideal man was considered someone who could provide financially, and that idea is still deeply embedded in our culture.
However, this mindset has shifted with modern relationships. As Gloria Steinem taught the baby boomer feminists who flocked to her, being a man away from welfare is risky business. Women are now fully capable of being the breadwinner and working full-time jobs without needing to depend on a man. Couples are now choosing to live their lives in ways that work for them versus following the status quo.
9. 'Once you choose a life path, you can't change'
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A desire for stability is something that was truly ingrained within boomers. They were taught that the only path to success meant following a specific life path and not changing your mind or direction because it could end up being risky in the end. Once you choose a major in college or even a job afterwards, you're supposed to stick with it until you're ready to retire.
However, you can seek security in life without being bored and only choosing what you think is the safest route. We should all be allowed to start over and reinvent ourselves if we think a certain path isn't working. It's your life, not anyone else's.
10. 'Don't question authority'
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Deep respect and obedience are both things that boomers were taught to follow blindly without question. Anyone who carried an ounce of authority, whether it was older adults, teachers, bosses, or even police, had a power that just shouldn't be challenged. Whatever they were telling you to do, boomers were expected to follow it without making any fuss.
However, pushing back and asking questions isn't a sign of disrespect, and now, more people are getting better at not staying quiet just because someone carries authority. If you're engaging in a system where you just have blind trust in authority figures, it ends up creating an environment where power is often abused and goes on unchecked. People should be allowed to advocate for themselves, especially when they are facing injustice.
11. 'You shouldn't air your dirty laundry'
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Things that happen behind closed doors should stay there, which is a lesson that boomers were heavily taught. All of their struggles were meant to stay with them instead of being shared with those around them. It was mostly rooted in shame, and people who openly talked about the things that were happening in their lives were seen as cringeworthy.
But saying silent about traumas and challenges isn't good for anyone's mental health. We all have friends who are more than willing to listen when you need to get something off your chest. Keeping quiet doesn't mean all of the problems will magically go away, and by talking about them, you can receive some assistance in working through them and coming out on the other side.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
