11 Subtle Ways Sly People Get Quiet Revenge Without Ever Getting Caught
PeopleImages | Shutterstock When you've been wronged, it can feel like revenge is the only way to feel better. You don't want to do something you'll regret which is why sly people get quiet revenge, the type that is plausibly deniable and with a low risk of getting caught.
Revenge, which is one of the most relatable impulses, is a fascinating psychological and sociological phenomenon that has long been studied. While some aspects remain a mystery, it seems clear that the best ways to get quiet revenge are using methods that don't violate your own values. Here are a few ways people might seek quiet revenge, some better than others.
11 subtle ways sly people get quiet revenge without ever getting caught
1. They allow specific truths to 'leak' to the public
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While research has found that gossip can be healthy in very specific scenarios, the majority of rumors sparked by resentful and vengeful people are intended to be damaging. Still, sly people can get quiet revenge by sharing something that's true with specific people with whom it will be most effective.
Whether it's eroding trust in a relationship, harming someone's reputation, or desperately trying to spark stress and anxiety in someone's life, gossip in the wrong hands can be one of the quiet ways people get revenge without getting caught. This is especially effective if the person who is the target broke the sly person's trust in the first place.
2. They fake friendliness
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We can all agree that faking niceness for a sneaky purpose is not a great idea. But when it comes to seeking quiet revenge, it might be helpful.
According to psychologist Mark Travers Ph.D., people who fake positive attitudes or pretend to give great advice are not just harming other people struggling, but affecting their own confidence and identity along the way. The body and spirit do not like to lie or be false.
So if you have a good reason to get quiet revenge, and you definitely don't want to get caught, use fake friendliness carefully and make sure it's worth it.
3. They overstep boundaries
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If someone is trying to get quiet revenge, they may violate boundaries in such a sly way, you barely know it's happening. That's how they avoid getting caught.
Although experts like Yolanda Renteria, a licensed professional counselor, argue that constantly setting boundaries in a relationship can be a form of self-deception and avoidance in its own right, boundaries are generally healthy. In healthy relationships, people set, enforce and respect them.
People who seek revenge quietly know that their tendency to overstep specific boundaries in relationships causes other people stress and emotional harm, yet they use this to their advantage. They manipulate other people into thinking they're suffering at the hands of their own incompetencies in protecting their space.
4. They strategically express ignorance
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Ever heard the phrase "stupid like a fox"? It basically means pretending to be ignorant as a way to get what you want.
Willful ignorance can serve as both self-sabotage and quiet revenge, as it's an active decision to avoid becoming informed on another person's emotions, situations, or struggles to avoid accountability. When it backfires, it backfires hard. When it works, it's about as sly as it can be.
While it might be obvious to some people that their partners or friends are expressing intentional ignorance, research from the journal Philosophical Studies argues that many of them are using ignorance as a means of self-deception. They're subconsciously avoiding responsibility for their actions and, in turn, sacrificing the well-being of healthy relationships with others.
5. They stop communicating entirely
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While utilizing "no contact" strategies with toxic relationships in your life can be incredibly healthy and effective, the silent treatment can be a form of manipulation. In some ways, the silent treatment can be a very effective and sly way to get quiet revenge on someone who feeds off interacting with you.
Whether it's answering text messages late, purposely forgetting to return phone calls, or "ghosting" people completely, vengeful people can utilize other people's desire to contact them as a means of manipulation.
If you recognize that communication, or, more importantly, the absence of communication, from someone in your life is disrupting your balance, consider it a sign to reconsider the value of their relationship in your life. They may be seeking revenge, or, worse, being purposefully cruel.
6. They make passive-aggressive comments
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Almost nobody likes a passive-aggressive person. It can be exhausting trying to keep up with what the person wants, and how to protect your boundaries with them. It's also possible they could be using this form of manipulation to get quiet revenge.
According to a study in the Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies, passive-aggressive behavior isn't just common in personal relationships, it's also incredibly prevalent in workplace dynamics and leadership strategies.
Co-workers can deliberately get quiet revenge on their bosses by making passive-aggressive comments, but also by undermining their leadership authority with poor concern and lacking diligence in their work.
In more personal relationships, like those with a partner or a friend, passive-aggressive comments can work to create a silent sense of mistrust in a connection, creating a sense of unsteadiness or resentment that's not always easy to pinpoint in the moment.
7. They go on with their lives
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This is one of the most effective, and healthiest, ways to get quiet revenge. And, don't worry, you literally cannot get caught doing this. Simply, you can get revenge by moving on and living your best life.
As the classic adage from the 17th Century goes, "Living well is the best revenge." Time has only proven this to be true.
Consider a toxic relationship ending: one person dwells in it, while another starts working to improve themselves. The person "moving on" might find a new partner, start a new job, or even craft a new social media presence. Or, they simply move on quietly, and often personally, to achieve their goals, while another watches resentfully.
Is this immediately satisfying for the person seeking quiet revenge? Maybe not. But, over time, it's likely the most satisfying sly way to "win".
8. They revisit old conflict uncomfortably late
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Forgiveness and open discussion are typically well-natured ways to resolve conflict, whether you're in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or an acquaintance to someone at work.
However, one sly way to get quiet revenge is by letting things fester over time, only to revisit them at a later date. This works when someone has a strategic goal to bring up intense emotions in someone who might have moved on or forgotten them.
Easily overshadowed by claims of healing, these kinds of conversations can be hard to deflect, especially if you're the person blindsided by them. This kind of shady manipulation is more common than you think. Consider the next time a quietly vengeful co-worker points out a mistake from your project months prior and you'll be reminded of it.
10. They dance on the edges of their social circles
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When highly intelligent people seek quiet revenge, they do so subtly. Not only does this pretty much guarantee not getting caught, it spooks the person they're getting revenge on.
When you dance on the edge of the person's social circle, you make your revenge target nervous. They know they did something wrong to you, and your mere presence makes them worry that their bad behavior will be exposed.
This goes along with faking niceness, which may be necessary in order to hang out with people who know your revenge target. Or, maybe you discover that you get quiet revenge and you make new friends. Win-win!
11. They confront them directly and calmly
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This may not seem like quiet revenge at first to confront someone directly. After all, you're talking to them instead of gossiping or giving a silent treatment. But when someone isn't comfortable with direct confrontation, there are certain situations they'll almost always avoid. Forcing them to confront it can be sweet, sweet revenge to corner them and speak clearly and calmly.
Not only does it make them uncomfortable, making them face what they did to cause harm, it keeps your conscience clean. Being direct is the ethical thing to do. You're not manipulating, you're speaking your truth, no regrets needed.
Be clear, be kind. Then walk away with your head held high. What could be a better way to get quiet revenge?
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango who focuses on health and wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.
