Strong Women Absolutely Refuse To Tolerate 10 Specific Things As They Get Older
Look Studio | Shutterstock Many people experience a steady growth in self-esteem as they get older.
But a lot of that inner security comes from life experience and coming back to what's really and truly important to us outside of all the social noise. It's not inevitable, which is why strong women absolutely refuse to tolerate specific things as they get older in the name of self-investment. They turn away from the draining pressures and expectations, and refocus all that energy on caring for themselves.
Strong women absolutely refuse to tolerate 10 specific things as they get older
1. Trying to look youthful
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Despite being around men who are celebrated and respected for aging naturally, so many women are judged and criticized for doing the same. From toxic beauty standards they're socialized into from a young age to pressures to look youthful that drain their energy over time, women face all kinds of negative norms. They're pressured to fit in at their own expense.
However, strong women who have invested in their self-worth and identity outside of this pressure to conform know how to avoid these norms as they get older. They absolutely refuse to tolerate other people's judgments as evidence that they're not good enough, because they know deep down that they are, regardless of what they look like.
2. People-pleasing at their own expense
So many women are socialized from a young age to be smaller and more agreeable, usually for the men in their lives. They're pressured to be people-pleasers, even when it comes at their own expense at the end of the day.
Instead of going with the flow and putting other people's needs before their own, strong women show up for themselves and the people they love by saying "no." They don't offer their time and energy to everyone who'd like it, but use it intentionally to invest in what matters.
3. Seeking approval from others
Trying to be impressive and cool is the bane of so many women's existence. They regularly sabotage their own autonomy and place their self-worth in the hands of others, whether it's real people or talking heads on social media, by trying to prove themselves. They overlook their own desires and needs for the sake of approval, even when it consistently drains their energy and adds to chronic stress.
Of course, even chasing trends and overconsuming is a means of seeking approval, especially for people who are struggling with belonging. As they get older, the strongest women start detaching from the opinions of others. They lean into what feels good in their bodies and their minds, and let go of pressure to make space for all that goodness.
4. Trying to have it all
Women are pressured to have it all, whether it's the house, the relationship, the career, the family, or the ambitions. But this is far from sustainable for anyone to handle.
This kind of burnout is often normalized for everyone, regardless of gender, but for women, it extends beyond just professional careers. Women are expected to have ambitions at work, but they're also often responsible for the majority of mental, emotional, and physical labor at home and in their relationships.
Strong women aren't the ones who can manage it all. They don't thrive at work, put their kids to bed, run all the errands, solve their husband's emotions, and create a sterile home. They invest in themselves and let the kinds of things that provide meaning and value guide them. They stop giving so much to people and things that don't do the same for them.
5. Forcing relationships that don't work
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From outgrown friendships they've had forever to relationships that have become stagnant as they've grown, strong women let things go. They're not willing to drain their energy or hold themselves back trying to save relationships or fix people who aren't ready to evolve. They don't focus on anyone's "potential," but instead let their actions and realities speak for themselves.
Especially when success for aging women can often feel like exile, the mindset around letting go is so crucial to their happiness. Instead of believing that they're losing people for putting themselves first, they accept that not everyone or everything is meant to evolve and grow with them, and that's okay.
6. Holding onto regrets
Holding onto grudges and letting regret take over with age can be seriously detrimental to personal well-being and health. Even when we can't control the past or change anything, we continue to hold ourselves to moral questioning and grief, sabotaging our future joy and well-being. For women, who take on a lot of burden and responsibilities for the people and things in their lives, this kind of perpetual self-blame can be all-encompassing.
However, self-acceptance and forgiveness are always at our fingertips. Even when we don't have closure. Even when we can't change anything. Even when what we did was undeniably wrong. We can move on and let it go, and then return to joy. That's exactly what strong women choose to do, not only for their own well-being, but for the joy of the people around them.
7. Perfectionism
The perfectionism that comes from a belief like "I'm never good enough" is so prevalent for women, especially as they get older. There are all kinds of pressures to compare themselves and chase expectations that aren't right for them, when actually, being perfect comes from showing up authentically.
There's no outside definition of perfection that comes from putting personal needs to the side and comforting others with conformity. Young adults are facing perfectionism more than ever, but so many aging women are still holding onto this idea. That's why letting go of expectations is so powerful and profound for them.
8. Second-guessing and doubting themselves
Despite having all the evidence that they're successful, intelligent, ambitious, caring people, so many women are socialized into a kind of misleading humility that forces them to overlook self-love. They don't want to celebrate themselves out of fear of being greedy or entitled. Instead, they gloss over accomplishments and second-guess themselves.
However, for strong women, it's the input that matters. They know that they're strong and capable because they believe it and invest in it themselves, instead of paying the price of self-doubt constantly.
9. Saying 'yes' when they mean 'no'
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Women who struggle to say "no" don't just drain their social batteries and neglect self-care, they also find it hard to set boundaries and protect themselves. They let people walk all over them and sabotage their lives because they're more interested in making others feel comfortable than investing in their own well-being.
For most, it's not an intentional choice, but a habit or defense mechanism they've been socialized into. Strong women have likely faced all of these experiences and more. The difference is that, over time, they do the work of focusing on themselves and leaning into the challenge of self-advocacy.
10. Taking pride in hyper-independence
For so many women, shutting other people out and clinging to their hyper-independence as a strength is a trauma response. They want to feel in control and turn down help to prove that they're self-reliant. However, this usually just isolates them from the joy of connections and makes them feel chronically stressed and uncertain.
Their nervous system dysregulation is leading the way, not the self-empowerment or independence they believe they're putting front and center. It might seem antithetical, but the strongest women let people in with intention. They ask for help and offer support, even build community, instead of trying to do everything for themselves.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
