11 Sneak Attack Ways To Build An Instant Connection With Anyone You Want
Building a meaningful connection with other people means tapping into certain habits to grab their attention.
Josep Suria | Shutterstock Connecting with people can be a hard thing to do. You meet someone new and they might be a person you can see yourself relating to and even having a deeper relationship with, but it can be difficult to make things click on the first introduction. Considering we don't ever learn how to make these instant relationships, figuring out how to do it in the first place seems impossible. However, there are sneak attack ways to build an instant connection with anyone you want, and it doesn't have to be some kind of cinematic moment or making grand gestures.
Sometimes, it's about those little things that leave the other person feeling like they really enjoyed your presence and want to be around you more. It's the things that are unplanned yet still feel natural. You're not trying too hard to get their attention. You stand out and people remember you without even really knowing why. Instead of constantly engaging in small talk and surface-level interactions, you might pull out these moves to let it be known that you're someone who genuinely enjoys meaningful connections and relationships.
Here are 11 sneak attack ways to build an instant connection with anyone you want
1. Notice and compliment something specific about them
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While telling someone you like the way their hair looks or that they have nice style will make them feel good, what will really stand out is complimenting them about something they might not think other people even noticed. It's about digging deeper and pointing out aspects of their personality that shows how rare and unique they are.
"Being the type of friend, partner, or co-worker unafraid to give compliments can solidify relationships. In a world of interpersonal competition and conflict, both personally and professionally, the voice of genuine appreciation and authentic admiration will be valued, and remembered — fondly," behavioral analyst Wendy L. Patrick explained.
It's showing that you see them for who they are and, because of that, they'll instantly feel comfortable around you. That will build connection because they know you aren't just complimenting them for the sake of giving a compliment, but because you genuinely appreciated that part of them and want them to know.
2. Ask what they're currently obsessed with
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We all have that one thing we can't stop talking about once we get started. When you're showing genuine interest in the niche topics that people care about, you're allowing people the space to open up, which they'll definitely appreciate.
People love sharing their passions, especially when they're proud of them, which means it's one of the sneak attack ways to build an instant connection with anyone you want. Asking what they're interested shows that you're excited because they're excited.
You want to know the parts of their personality and you aren't just asking so that you can judge or criticize them. In reality, you just want to know more about them. It's not as if you know anything about the topic either, but you're willing to learn from how they talk about it.
3. Reveal a little bit about yourself
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You don't have to get deep and essentially trauma dump on a person, but by peeling back the layers of who you are, it makes the other person feel comfortable around you. It doesn't have to be a deeply personal fact, just a detail small enough that can still be relatable.
"The research on vulnerability suggests that we might benefit from opening ourselves up to uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure, at least a little. As Brené Brown argues: 'Vulnerability is life’s great dare. It’s life asking, 'Are you all in? Can you value your own vulnerability as much as you value it in others?'" said social psychologist Natalie Kerr.
It shows that you're human and also not afraid of being vulnerable. It also tells the other person that the more they get to know you, the more that you'll end up revealing about yourself. By being vulnerable first, the other person also feels more welcome in being vulnerable back.
We can't form these deep and meaningful connections without opening up and not holding back. You simply can't get to know someone just based on the most surface-level facts about yourself.
4. React when they say something interesting
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One of the easiest sneak attack ways to build an instant connection with anyone you want is to be interested in what they're interested in. It's about engaging in conversations, not being distracted or just nodding politely while you wait for them to finish. It's about listening intently and showing real curiosity and even surprise when you hear a detail that's intriguing.
"Don't allow yourself to be distracted by your cell phone, other things happening around the conversation or tangential thoughts that pop into your mind. Listen to understand, rather than to respond," pointed out communications professor Jennifer Priem.
That kind of energy makes people want to talk to you because they can tell that you genuinely care about what they're saying versus pretending to. When people sense that they're being heard and respected, they instantly want to build community with you. People naturally want to open up to others who are giving them space to get their thoughts out without judgment.
5. Share a tiny pet peeve in a lighthearted way
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Keeping it light and playful is sometimes the best way to build connections with people. It doesn't have to be some really big pet peeve, but a more relatable one. It can be you discussing how annoying it is when people chew too loudly or how irritating it is when people get up as soon as the plane lands even when they're sitting all the way in the back.
You'd be surprised how these little pet peeves can create a bond with someone else. They may immediately jump in and agree with you because, for the most part, people tend to keep their grievances to themselves. So being able to hear yours lets them know that they aren't alone in the things that sometimes get on their nerves.
6. Let silence be comfortable for a second
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Most people rush to fill silence because they think it means the conversation is failing. But the little pauses and moments to collect yourself give you time to really process what was just said rather than jumping into some new topic.
You've listened and now you're taking in the information. Being able to sit in the silence doesn't mean that something is wrong and there is nothing inherently wrong with quiet moments.
"It takes some effort to build that muscle. It may take half a second for sensory information from the outside world to integrate into our conscious experience, but often, and for good reason, sitting with prolonged silence can lead to more meaningful connections and a generally healthy life experience," therapist Michele DeMarco pointed out.
It's fine to just let an interaction breathe rather than trying to force it to carry on, because that's usually when it tends to get a bit awkward. When you're able to get good at the silence, it can make moments feel more real with other people. You don't always need to be talking to connect with someone either.
7. Let your face soften when they talk
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It doesn't mean that you have to put on some fake smile or force a look of interest when listening to someone talk, but it's about letting your expression naturally show you're engaged. People really notice that and it makes them feel ten times more comfortable around you.
No one enjoys talking to someone who looks stiff, can't make eye contact, and fidgets nervously. It makes you nervous and therefore you don't want to interact with them anymore. But when you're relaxed, maintaining good eye contact, and even have a soft smile on your face, you'd be surprised how good it makes someone else feel when they're interacting with you.
8. Let them talk without jumping in too quickly
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Most people are often used to conversation where they're being cut off or talked over, so when someone is just letting them get their thoughts out, it can feel like such a refreshing interaction. It shows that they know you're here for them and hear every word they have to say. It makes them feel valued, especially if they're just used to only being half-listened to.
The more space you give them, the more eager they'll be to seek you out the next time and, before you know it, you've formed a genuine connection with them. People are usually very appreciative of being given the chance to talk and know that the person they're talking to is actually listening rather than just waiting their turn.
9. Reference something from earlier in the interaction
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It doesn't have to be something big and could just be a small detail, but when you reference information previously discussed, it becomes another of the sneak attack ways to build an instant connection with anyone you want. It shows you were actually listening and paying attention. People genuinely enjoy knowing that others care enough to file away the things they've told them and bring it up later.
"Conversation is more than the exchange of words. It is a layered, time-dependent process involving memory, emotion, attention, and the ability to switch between speaker and listener," said scientist William A. Haseltine.
These callbacks make the interaction just feel that much more personal rather than surface-level. It means people will feel more engaged to speak with you because you're genuinely trying to build rapport with them. That kind of recognition really does go a long way in being able to build trust and connection with people.
10. Share a small win from your week
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It really doesn't have to be anything major, but being able to share the tiniest of victories can make a moment feel that much more personal. When hearing about someone's small win, people usually respond with enthusiasm if you're excited about it. They want to know more and it'll spark a deeper conversation.
In the same way that sharing small little vulnerable moments can build connection, so does sharing wins. It may even prompt the other person to share a win they recently had as well. It creates a sense of camaraderie that makes them instantly want to hang out with you again.
An enjoyable conversation like that can be hard to come by, so when you finally have it, you know you've made a meaningful bond with someone.
11. Hold eye contact for just one second longer
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You're not staring someone down to the point where it makes them uncomfortable, but just letting your gaze linger for an extra beat or two. What that does is tell the other person that you're fully present and engaged with what they're saying or doing.
Eye contact is usually a good way to build a natural connection with someone anyway. It can feel quite special when someone is good at maintaining eye contact.
"Eye contact may be a key mechanism for coordinating shared and independent modes of thought, allowing the conversation to weave together and evolve over the course of these ebbs and flows in shared attention," said psychology professor Tara Well.
It helps build a sense of trust and can really put you at ease, especially if you're nervous or just meeting them for the first time. When your eyes are warm and your posture inviting, people can't help but want to be around you and immediately know more about you. And in a time where we're all glued to our phones, it can even feel a bit refreshing.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
