The Art Of Being Unbothered: 9 Simple Habits For A Much Happier You
Jonathan Borba | Canva Are you having trouble figuring out how to become unbothered, let go, move on, and forgive someone so you can move forward? You can learn how to let go of the past and move on, so you can take back your happiness. The key to true happiness and feeling unbothered in life is forgiveness. But it's not always easy to forgive the past and be happy about the present.
Here are 9 simple habits for a much happier you:
1. Free yourself from burden
You've probably already realized that forgiveness is for you, not for the other person. It's not condoning what they did. It's freeing yourself from that heavy burden. Forgiveness is by no means saying, "It's OK." Forgiveness is saying, "I'm not gonna let this harbor inside me and hurt me anymore."
Health coach Archanaa Shyam advised, "First, you begin the journey to heal your emotions at new levels by acknowledging these emotions. As you begin to immerse yourself in this process, you shift from being a passive observer of the emotional roller coaster to becoming an active participant in your life. This initiates a huge shift in your emotional energy. When this happens, you start bringing back your lost fragments of personality, and you let go of those aspects that are no longer yours."
2. Put the past in perspective
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Keeping the bigger picture in mind that all of us have already made every kind of bad mistake we can in our lives can help put things in perspective. Knowing we have all been where that person is at some point, even though it may seem unfathomable right now, this perspective can make it easier to move forward. See yourself in the other person, and let that help you to see them through a less-angry lens.
The American Psychological Association explained how forgiveness can help reduce anxiety and depression, and decrease stress-related physical health symptoms. Stress relief connects forgiveness to well-being. Forgiveness helps remove unproductive anger, so muscles relax, anxiety decreases, and the immune system can strengthen.
3. Realize every action has a consequence
There is no way to escape our consequences, so they will have to settle their past at some point. When they cross over, they will feel every ounce of pain they caused you exactly as you felt it. So, let go of any need to make them pay. That's not in your hands. Let go of that burden. You don't have to be the judge and jury.
"People are caught up in their own issues, and unless you specifically are part of that agenda, they don’t even know you exist," life coach Ed Latimore elaborated. "When a person wrongs you, it’s more like they’re self-interested to the point of ignoring your well-being, even if that means specifically victimizing you to get something they want. If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else. Part of living in the universe is that bad stuff happens. Some of that bad stuff will happen to you. The hardest part is to realize that this isn’t personal."
If you seek revenge, it will only give you more struggles to face, and it's never worth the impact on yourself. You don't have to be around this person if you think you shouldn't. But what you need to do is let it go, because it is only hurting you and not them.
4. Don't feed into bad energy
Thinking and replaying the past actually feeds the negative energy and gives it attention, which I'm sure is not what you want to do. You may not truly know how to forget something they've done to hurt you. Trying to understand where they were coming from can also cause breakthroughs towards forgiveness.
"Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that anything in the world or the person has changed," pointed out Latimore. "It doesn’t even mean that your perspective of them has changed. It just means they no longer command real estate in your mind and heart."
5. Remember, everyone has a backstory
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Factor in all the circumstances and where they are and have been in life. When we know better, we do better. If their consciousness isn't there, they just don't fully understand their actions.
Another thing to keep in mind on an even deeper level (which can sometimes be hard to understand) is that we are all one. So, their mistake is your mistake, and you forgiving them is also you forgiving yourself. Find something, anything, where you can relate to this person in some way. Finding similarities can help shatter the walls between you, which humanizes them more. Know this person is right where they are supposed to be based on their choices at this moment.
6. Drop the judgment
Is there any element of judgment you have towards this person? Judgment usually comes from our own insecurities about ourselves. Judging their choices isn't up to us. We all have free will to make our choices, and judging others on their free will won't get you anywhere.
Any time you feel like you are judging someone, turn it inwards instead. Think to yourself: Is that something you do, and you wish you didn't, is this why it's striking a chord in you? When we are above something, it can't affect us. So, look deeply at why it is affecting you.
7. Focus on what you can control
Focus on what you can do in your own life to make changes to make you happy. You can't live anyone else's life for them. So, always focus on yourself and what you can do differently. Getting distracted by others and worrying about their lives just takes you off your own path. So look for that, notice it, and turn things back to yourself.
"Even if you're not willing to forgive some people, which is totally understandable, you can declare you are ready to move on," recommended Shyam. "We're not saying what was done to you is justifiable. You're not forgiving the act. You're forgiving the person. So we are no longer attached to the person, and they are no longer draining us."
8. Turn back to yourself
If a person is hurting you, take control and get them out of your life. Know you always have power over yourself. Your choices attracted this person. Nothing ever just happens to us. We help create it.
Personal development coach Roland Legge cautioned, "Declaring forgiveness is hollow if you cannot release the pain inflicted on you. It's meaningless if you keep passing on your pain to someone else. But when you let go, a sense of relief and freedom washes over you, paving the way for a brighter future. If you do not release the pain, you will suppress the pain until it adversely affects your health."
9. Change whatever you need to
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Knowing you always have the power and taking steps to prevent similar wrongdoing in the future can help you to feel secure and move forward. Can you have better boundaries in the future? Think through the possibilities and implement them going forward. Protect yourself from more wrongs, but don't put a shell up so you can't let any good things in as well.
"Boundaries simply recognize that you end in one place and other people end somewhere else," explained couples counselor Susan J Elliott. "All good boundaries do that. You can't worry that people will think you are being mean or not nice. It’s not a matter of not being a nice person anymore. It’s just a matter of getting tough enough so that people aren’t walking on you, so that you’re not suppressing your true feelings, and so that you’re not playing nice just for a chance to play."
A wall to protect you not only protects you from letting the bad in, but also any good. Walls can also attract more bad because you are telling the universe you need protection. You create your life, so the circumstances you need protection from will materialize. But once you learn how to stop negative thoughts from hindering your path to forgiveness, you learn how to move on from the past.
Leave it all in the past and focus on what changes you can make to move forward and be happy. Sitting in what happened in the past will only block you from moving forward. Once you release that, you will be open to new opportunities.
Remind yourself that you have probably made the same mistake in the past, not everyone is in the same place in their journey as you, and that is perfect. Forgiving and moving forward is better for your soul, so don't worry about theirs! We can only control our own lives.
You can do this! Focus on creating your best life and leave the past there. You will feel so much better.
Kristine Carlson is a psychic medium, advanced soul realignment practitioner, life coach, and author.
