6 Reasons You Keep Attracting Bad People That Feel Mean To Say (But Are Probably True)
Mizuno K | Canva You've read all the relationship and dating advice there is and thought you had it down to a T. But, for some reason, you always find yourself attracting bad people. So, you ask, "Why is this happening to me? Why do I always attract unhealthy people who hurt me?"
It might feel mean to say, but it is essential to recognize that nothing just happens to us. We create it with our choices, and that includes ignoring the signs and choosing to be in an unhealthy relationship. If you want that aspect to change, you also have to make a few changes.
Here are six reasons you keep attracting bad people that feel mean to say — but are probably true:
1. You treat yourself with less value
- Do you put yourself down?
- Are you hard on yourself?
- Are you hurting or neglecting yourself?
If so, you will attract more of that negativity. It's important to treat yourself right and know your value so you will attract others who value you as well.
Relationship expert Lisa Lieberman-Wang explained, "When you don't believe you're worthy of love, you're far more likely to accept a relationship that confirms that belief. People with low self-esteem are more likely to stay in unhappy relationships because they avoid voicing concerns or addressing problems with their partner."
2. You accept circumstances you don't deserve
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- Do you not speak up when someone says or does something you don't like?
- Do you just let things happen?
- Are you staying in a job or another situation you hate?
We are whole beings, so the choices we make in one area of our lives will carry over into other areas. So many people tell themselves they have to stay in a bad situation, but no one tells them they don't have to.
There is always something you can do to start getting yourself out of it and into something better for you. The key is that you have to take some new actions to get there. Those actions can be scary, and it's why so many people stay miserable. In the end, it's always worth the effort.
3. You sacrifice yourself and what you want
When you sacrifice yourself, you will attract people for whom you need to sacrifice yourself. Consistently ignoring your needs while giving all your effort to your partner will drain you and impact your well-being.
"Martyrdom might work for religious figures, but sacrificing yourself for your relationship isn’t good for you, and it’s the death knell for your partner's attraction to you," advised dating coach Elizabeth Stone. "When you don’t take responsibility for the fact that you’ve let your own light go out, it’s easy to look around and decide that it’s someone else’s fault. This is both a cop-out and a way to absolve yourself of responsibility for your own happiness."
4. You don't love or respect yourself
How you love and respect yourself will be directly reflected in how others will treat you. If you don't treat yourself well, no one else will either. You can start loving yourself by acknowledging things that bring you joy.
Psychologist Susan Franklin suggested, "Misery does love company, and it's sometimes hard not to play when someone near you starts to complain about something. Purposely focus your mind on things that feel good, that you enjoy, that you can like or love. Anything at all is a great place to start. I love looking at the water. I love the color of that orchid. I love my cat. And keep going until you feel your mood and energy lift. Feel the light inside you expand. It makes everything easier."
5. You hide who you really are
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Show who you are, don't hide it. If you hide who you are and put on a front, you will only attract people who align with the persona you're pretending to be, which will never be right for you.
Well-being expert Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., emphasized, "It’s scary to be so openly vulnerable. It’s like opening up an old wound and telling others right where to poke you. But to fully be ourselves, we have to be our full selves. We can’t just pick and choose the parts that we like; we can’t just show the manicured, photoshopped version of ourselves. So we have to be vulnerable from time to time."
6. You haven't fully dealt with your past
Face your issues and fully deal with your past so you can move forward. Anything not fully processed and dealt with will hold you back and hinder attracting the right people to you. You can never move forward if you are still in the past. Until you deal with your past, similar situations will keep repeating in your life over and over until you finally deal with it, so the sooner the better.
Of course, it can be hard to face these things, but it ends up being more painful in the long run if we don't. Always focus on the energy of your choices. If you make choices out of sacrifice, you will get more sacrifice in your life. If you make choices out of love and for yourself, you will get more love. Every choice we make has a consequence, so focus on making choices that result in good consequences.
Kristine Carlson is a psychic medium, advanced soul realignment practitioner, life coach, and author.
