11 Signs Someone Is Out To Get You, No Matter How Nice They Act Around You
Kues / Shutterstock A while back, I had an ex who I thought loved me. I thought he just had a hard time showing it. Around the same time, I started to notice strange things happening. People would suddenly ghost me. They would also give me weird looks. Even finding work was becoming a harder thing to do. Little accidents would happen that would sabotage my ability to get stuff done, or I’d find extra stuff getting me all busy, forcing me to ignore work.
Eventually, I found out why. It was because he was badmouthing me to everyone around me. It took years for me to recover from that. After a while, people started to apologize, but I had already moved on. It’s a rough lesson, realizing that someone can seem so loving and actually be out to get you. If you’re worried about that level of betrayal, I suggest you watch out for these major warning signs of a snake in the grass. They could have definitely saved me.
Here are 11 signs someone is out to get you, no matter how nice they act around you
1. They don’t give you genuine smiles
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Smizing is the slang term for “smiling with your eyes,” and it’s a major body language sign. When a smile is genuine, you’ll often see little crinkles around a person’s eyes. Their eyes will soften up. Studies show that humans are wired to notice when smiles are fake, even on a subconscious level.
If you get the feeling that a smile isn’t sincere, there’s a good chance that you might be right. This is particularly true if you’ve been getting other signs of rejection from them, according to at least one study.
2. You notice subtle jabs at you that seem like compliments
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I’ll say it before, and I’ll say it again: backhanded compliments are generally just sugar-coated attacks. Backhanded compliments are often indicators of someone hiding envy, resentment, or jealousy. The difference is that the people doling out the compliment generally don’t have the guts to say what they want to say.
These types of compliments are particularly vicious because, if you call out their behavior, the giver will often recoil and say you’re being very accusatory. They will often try to make you seem unreasonable for calling it out.
3. They always seem to want to get closer to your friends rather than you, only to have your friends back away
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This was the big tip-off for me. My friends all suddenly became my ex’s friends, all while distancing themselves from me. When I’d ask what’s wrong, I’d never get a straight answer. They just never spoke of what was said.
Well, I found out later. And I was crushed. I thought that people who had known me for years would have at least respected me enough to talk to me. They didn’t. And that’s how those friendships died. As a rule of thumb, if it keeps happening, it’s a sign that at least one or two specific people are doing that to you behind your back.
4. You notice they don’t treat you the same way they do others
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Special treatment goes multiple ways. It can mean that you’re incredibly liked by someone. It can also mean that they hate you. If you find yourself regularly locked out of conversations, get treated as “less than” by other people, and seem to see a mean side that others aren’t allowed to see, you’re likely hated by the person treating you that way.
This often happens when they want you to feel a little self-conscious or nervous around them. They may be trying to show you that they hold the proverbial cards in their hands, and that you’re just going to have to grovel.
5. When others aren’t around, the mask drops
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Here’s a big sign that you’re dealing with a fake person: how they treat you when no one else is around. Think about the last time you were around them. Did they suddenly get very icy with you as soon as no one was nearby? Did they get so bold as to refuse to answer you even when you tried to get their attention?
That’s a sign of a person who is trying to be “fake nice” in front of others they want to impress. If they’re out to get you, they may decide that you’re not even worth duping. They want you to know they hate you, and they may be trying to goad you into telling others that they’re mean, just so they can make you look like the drama queen.
6. You notice that they seem very fixated on one or two things you have
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A sneaky person will often do backstabby things in order to obtain something they want from their victim. When they fixate on what they want from you, they will do what they can to get close to it, mention it, and talk about it.
For example, someone who is out to get you by stealing your partner might act like your friend while getting increasingly close to your partner. They may even ask you what your partner likes or what you dislike about your partner. If you get that feeling, be aware that your spidey sense is tingling for a reason!
7. You feel like you’re the only one putting in effort, and you’re scared to stop
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Did you ever notice how the worst people tend to dangle “carrots” in front of people they exploit as a way to get them to work harder for them? These people, whether they’re employers or bad lovers, often are well-aware that they would never actually give you what you want. They’re there to bleed you dry and then discard you.
This is one of those habits that can be benevolently done, but often ends up being found in the toolbox of the worst narcissists you know. If you’re getting the feeling that their promises are insincere or they keep kicking the goal posts down the line, it may be time to acknowledge that you’re being used.
8. Strange coincidences happen around them that make your life harder
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Think about life before you ran into this person. You always had an easy time getting jobs. You never found yourself in awkward situations with people, and most people trusted you. Little by little, you noticed things falling to the wayside whenever this person got involved.
When you had a major event, they got sick, and you had to cancel it. When you needed their help, they magically went from being a tech whiz to being unable to figure out how to post on Reddit. Sound familiar? It’s because those coincidences are always timed to undermine you in one way or another.
9. They always give the worst advice, urging you to 'trust them'
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One of my friends has had an experience like this. They had a friend who was sweet as could be, always with a smile, a kind word, and a greeting. When she’d ask about things, she’d always offer advice that always backfired. In many cases, it seemed totally reasonable until you realized she had prior knowledge that made those moves super risky.
Eventually, my friend caught on, assumed it was a mistake, and started doing the opposite of what she said. She seemed happy for her at first, but eventually, the friend snapped. It got ugly. And that’s when she realized that it wasn’t a mistake. Be careful of the overly helpful friend.
10. You’ve noticed they set you up to fail in the office
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I had a person like this fairly recently, a manager. She would ask me to do something, then I’d do it. She’d say it was “not good enough,” but would never give me any feedback on why, even when I’d schedule a meeting asking for it.
Every other person on that team loved this woman because she would give great advice and insight. She was so positive with everyone else. With me? It was like pulling teeth to get her to actually say what I was doing wrong. Eventually, I got fed up and left because I realized I was set up to fail.
11. Others have warned you that someone really doesn’t like you
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Many people know that narcissists tend to triangulate their victims as a means of control, but sometimes, those warnings are legit. If you hear multiple people warn you about a person having less-than-noble hopes for you, that’s a sign that you absolutely should watch your back around that individual.
Most people are not lucky enough to have a group of people actively working to protect them from bad people. So, if you have that kind of strong friendship circle around you, take the time to treasure them. They are truly a rare type of person.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
