11 Phrases People Use When They’re Hiding How Badly They’re Struggling
It's ok not to be ok.
t-lorien from Getty Images Signature via Canva Part of life is experiencing the good and the bad. We attract people when we’re enjoying life and when we’re struggling. Unfortunately, it’s common for some people to try to hide how badly they’re feeling during tough times. This is known as masking, where people suppress, hide, or hold back on how they feel to the outside world. We may mask our true emotions through our facial expressions, body language, and, of course, words.
Our loved ones who worry about us may ask us how we’re doing. Whether because we don’t understand our emotions or feel shame, we may tell them we’re fine when that couldn’t be further from the truth. The phrases people use when they're attempting to hide how badly they're struggling show that subtle language can provide clues as to what’s really going on in someone's life.
These are 11 phrases people use when they're hiding how badly they're struggling
1. 'I'll be fine'
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After “I’m fine,” this is one of the most common phrases people use to mask how badly they're struggling. It’s somewhat less dismissive because when someone tells you, “I’ll be fine,” they’re at least acknowledging that something is wrong.
A person who says this is letting you know that things need to change for them to feel better. It’s a sign of assurance and resilience, but it’s also a way to end a conversation. The person is likely working out in their brain how to deal with their situation and probably doesn’t want to talk too much about it.
2. 'Oh, nothing really'
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The phrase, “Oh, nothing really,” is meant to signify that whatever is happening is of no importance. However, what the messenger doesn’t realize is that the “Oh” lets listeners know something is happening.
While it’s true that sometimes nothing is happening, this phrase is often used as a way to self-invalidate. According to Mark Travers, self-invalidating is another way to dismiss or criticize one’s emotional experiences. In other words, we may be belittling our own experiences and masking them with vague and dismissive language.
3. 'It's not that bad'
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This phrase is another way to downplay a negative situation. The person is saying the situation is acceptable or tolerable, but not necessarily good. It hints at a tinge of optimism, but the person may not even be particularly hopeful.
Instead, the person may be confused and processing their emotions. Think of when you ask someone’s honest opinion about what you’re wearing or an embarrassing moment you went through, and they respond with, “It’s not that bad.” The moment they said, you likely knew it was actually worse than you thought.
4. 'I don't care'
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When someone says, “I don’t care,” it's supposed to mean they’re not emotionally invested in the situation. They may appear not to be concerned, but this is also a way to block a situation emotionally. Typically, the person does care, they’re just not showing it, and don’t want to talk about it.
When you really don’t care, it could be a sign of depression, stress, or other problems. “When you feel like you don't care about anything, it can rob you of the motivation that you need to pursue your goals,” says Kendra Cherry. For example, you may not care about your future, such as excelling in school or at work.
5. 'I'm just thinking'
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When others notice something’s wrong with me and they ask me directly about it, I’ve been guilty of responding with, “I’m just thinking.” Looking back, I can think of two main reasons I answered this way. First, I need time and space to reflect on what happened and how I’m feeling. Second, it’s a way to deflect a question/ topic without having to explain what’s really going on. Even though I’m thinking, which is normal, I’m struggling internally and may not fully comprehend what’s going on.
It's no longer normal once stuck in a cycle of ruminating on negative thoughts. According to Lori Lawrenz from Healthline, this type of obsessive thinking can worsen one’s anxiety and depression. When trapped in rumination, you’re more likely to focus on current and negative events from the past and feel responsible for them. So, even if the person doesn’t want to be bothered, know that they’re struggling and may need your help sooner or later.
6. 'I need some space'
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This is the phrase I think of the most when someone in a relationship needs space from their partner. It will likely leave you feeling confused and worried about the future. Even though typically associated with relationships, it’s also a sign someone could be going through something in general, not specific to romance.
However, according to Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., this phrase doesn’t always indicate there’s something wrong with your relationship. A person may need space to process their thoughts because they’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed, they need to focus on their personal growth, they need independence and autonomy, or they need space after a heated argument. Unfortunately, sometimes they need to reevaluate the relationship.
Regardless of the reason, communication is key. A good way to respond is, "I want you to know that I respect your need for space, and I'm here to support you however you need."
7. 'No one understands me'
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It’s common for people to feel like no one understands them. So, when someone tells you, “No one understands me,” something is usually wrong. They could fear getting close to others and feel vulnerable revealing their emotions. They may fear being judged for them.
According to F. Diane Barth, LCSW, it’s easy to feel like no one understands us. She explains that once friends, colleagues, and partners start noticing and highlighting the negative parts of us, we begin to feel judged. Their focus on our negative characteristics can lead us to feel inadequate and vulnerable. For some, other people’s opinions are very important, and when they don’t match our expectations, it could leave us feeling misunderstood.
8. 'I don’t want to bother anyone'
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For instance, phrases like “No one understands me” or “I don’t want to bother anyone” suggest that the person feels their emotions might bother others. What they really mean is, “I don’t want to burden others with my own emotions.”
While there is such a thing as oversharing, emotional sharing is also important in any connection. Susi Ferrarello, Ph.D., noted that sharing your emotions helps build trust with others and helps prevent loneliness. You don’t have to share everything; you can just share something happening in a particular moment.
9. 'Same old, same old'
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The phrase, “Same old, same old,” is an idiom used when a situation or behavior remains unchanged and is boring. Sometimes people aren’t bothered by repetition. However, sometimes this expression is used to describe feeling stuck in life. When someone feels stuck in life, they feel life should be different than what it is. Many of us, especially as we get older, have felt that way.
While it’s ok to want a different life, there’s a way to deal with feeling stuck in life. Henri Junttila shared his secret: Stop feeling stuck. It’s easier said than done, but to feel unstuck, stop resisting and surrender. A way to do this is by enjoying yourself, having fun, and living in the moment. Junttila also suggests writing down how you feel. However, I suggest also keeping a manifestation journal tracking what you want in life.
10. 'Everything happens for a reason'
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While some people truly believe, “Everything happens for a reason,” others say it but feel a sense of disappointment. They’re probably trying to figure out the reason it happened in the first place and understand it themselves. They’re likely asking themselves: What is the purpose or significance behind this?
When someone’s in this energy, they are likely struggling. Harriet Cabelly shared her long-time obsession with understanding why things happened to her. She thought that if she understood why, she could deal with it better. In reality, accepting and allowing things to go unanswered can create peace.
11. 'Story of my life'
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When someone says, “It’s the story of my life,” they typically feel that bad things happen to them. When you focus on the negative events in your life to the exclusion of almost everything else, you may have begun to develop a victim mentality.
While it’s true trauma can make people feel like they attract constant bad luck, it’s dangerous to form your identity around it. No one is excusing the people who’ve hurt you and who are responsible for your trauma, but you can end, “It’s the story of my life,” and create a new one. It may not be easy, and it may take some time, but it’s worth a shot to write the rest of your story.
Mina Rose Morales is a writer and photojournalist with a degree in journalism. She covers a wide range of topics, including psychology, self-help, relationships, and the human experience.
