11 Signs You Were Raised By An Immigrant Parent That Other People Wouldn’t Understand
Immigrant families pass along their own subtle lessons and perspectives.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Growing up with immigrant parents shapes you in ways most people don't see — from how you define success to how you show love. These signs reflect the subtle but powerful impact of being raised in a household that straddled two worlds.
Many studies, including one from the Child Development journal, have investigated the link between adult children and their immigrant status — more specifically, growing up in a household with parents who migrated to the United States — as this specific demographic grows across the nation. This kind of upbringing can influence an adult child’s lifestyle and perspective later in life, as a study from the BMC Public Health journal suggests, and impact their well-being, mental health, relationships, and success at work.
Here are 11 signs you were raised by an immigrant parent that other people wouldn’t understand:
1. You grew up in a multigenerational household
Art_Photo | Shutterstock.com
While it’s true that the number of multigenerational households has quadrupled in the past few decades, mainly due to financial and economic insecurity, it also tends to be one of the defining signs that you were raised by an immigrant parent that other people wouldn’t understand.
From being babysat by a grandparent growing up to spending weekends with all your cousins, multigenerational living is far more prevalent and normalized among immigrant families and households, according to a study by the Pew Research Center. Compared to 17% of U.S.-born Americans, almost 30% of immigrant families currently live in multigenerational housing.
2. You struggle with independence
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock.com
Many children who grew up in immigrant families struggle with independence and autonomy as adults, as a direct result of their childhood support and authoritarian parents early in life. In addition to simply having the support, community, belonging, and advice of a multigenerational household, many children of immigrants are held to high standards of success and face strict rules and expectations.
They’re essentially expected to succeed, but also carefully watched, guided, and pressured toward perfectionist standards for that success. It’s a cycle of hard work and misguided views of “The American Dream” that influence and inform these rules, regardless of how unrealistic they may be.
A study from the British Journal of Sociology of Education found that these children from immigrant families are typically viewed in the family structure as individuals “lacking agency” — held to strict rules by overbearing and protective parents with high standards for success.
3. You were the family translator, even as a kid
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock.com
Oftentimes developing as a psychological and social burden into adolescence, many children from immigrant families served as interpreters and translators for their parents in social interactions and institutions.
Whether it was a parent-teacher conference or a doctor’s appointment, acting as the linguistic bridge between family and others is one of the signs that you were raised by an immigrant parent whom others wouldn’t understand.
Not only does this obligation often place pressure on children in immigrant families, sabotaging their sense of innocence and parentifying them from a young age, but it also tends to affect the well-being and health of the parent-child relationship negatively.
4. Love wasn't said, it was shown
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
Many immigrant children deal with an “unspoken love language” from their parents growing up, feeling reassured by their hands-off mentality or silence, and appreciating their presence in acts of service and respect.
Acts of service were much more common than expressions of affection, such as “I love you,” in immigrant households, which is why many adult children struggle with emotional vulnerability and bonding in relationships that rely on words of affirmation and emotional expression later in life. These parents may not have said "I love you" out loud, but they made their kids' favorite meals after a long day or drove across town to pick them up without complaint. Children of immigrant parents learned to read between the lines.
5. Weekends were for chores, not for cartoons
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock.com
Scheduling out a weekend of chores before being able to hang out with friends or invite people over is one of the signs you were raised by an immigrant parent that other people wouldn’t understand. As a parentified child, you were frequently required to work, balancing chores and household contributions to make time for friends or social activities. Free time had to be earned.
It’s this parentification of adult immigrant children that lingers for much longer than their adolescence, sparking trauma, resentment, and personal autonomy struggles in adult children later in life.
6. You were pressured to succeed ‘for the family’
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
Alongside strong family values and high expectations, many children of immigrant parents were pressured to traditionally “succeed” for the family. While it was often not explicitly stated, they were expected to repay the sacrifices of their parents' struggles and migration with social and financial success in adolescence and adulthood.
Goals weren’t personal; they were the family’s hopes, sacrifices, and legacy bundled into a GPA or job title. With little room for error and nontraditional attitudes, these children are often expected to follow family rules and expectations without any pushback or frustration.
7. You learned to code-switch before you even knew what that meant
oneinchpunch | Shutterstock.com
Many immigrant children feel pressured to "code-switch" — both between languages and behaviors — to maintain a sense of belonging and succeed in their lives, navigating between their families and other social settings. Children of immigrant parents learn to speak one way at home and a completely different way at school or work. Adapting one's personality was a matter of survival, not just a strategy. Especially from a young age, when they tend to shift between personalities and identities at home and in their outside lives, it can be a struggle to develop an independent identity and sense of internal stability.
It’s one of the signs you were raised by an immigrant parent that other people wouldn’t understand, because most U.S.-born parents have expectations, rules, mentalities, and needs that align with already existing societal constructs and norms.
8. Family always came first
Tint Media | Shutterstock.com
While it’s true that many older generations of U.S.-born baby boomers adopted strong family values in their households, it’s common for children of immigrants to feel the strongest pressure toward a family unit. Especially in the current world and American climate, your family is your roots, your deepest sense of belonging, and your community — and it’s not something to be taken lightly in immigrant families.
Like a study from the Institute for Family Studies suggests, most immigrant families in the U.S. are traditional in the sense that they’re often married-couple families that stay together, expect conventional routes to success from their kids, and uphold traditional values like having a stable job, getting married, and settling down with children. It’s these values that provide a sense of safety and security for immigrant parents, especially in the U.S., where many social institutions reward adherence to social norms and conformity to these established social constructs.
9. Education was non-negotiable
Gorodenkoff | Shutterstock.com
One of the signs you were raised by an immigrant parent that other people wouldn’t understand is their strong stance and expectations around academic achievement and education. Getting good grades wasn't a suggestion — it was the bare minimum.
According to a study from the Institute for Family Studies, most immigrant parents have high expectations for their children's educational attainment and success, which is part of the reason — alongside traditional family structures and parental income — that they tend to perform better than their U.S.-born classmates.
There’s a strong emphasis on education due to their traditional values — they believe that getting a good education, outperforming classmates, and being “the best” academically is the key to success, gaining admission into a reputable university, and landing the best high-paying job. It’s an expectation of success, but at its core, for many immigrant parents, it’s an expectation of stability.
10. You've been a caregiver for most of your life
imtmphoto | Shutterstock.com
Even at an early age, many children from immigrant families become caregivers in their multigenerational households — not just in a literal sense for older generations in their homes, but also in a metaphorical sense, taking on the role of translator or mediator for their parents to the outside world.
In adulthood, many of these adult children still feel obligated to take on the emotional burden of caregiving for their parents, while other U.S.-born adults may outsource labor or hire services to care for their parents. Given their parents’ sacrifices and experiences with migration, it often feels like an obligation, especially in the face of their strong family values, to take on this role.
11. You feel guilty for chasing dreams that don't feel practical
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock.com
Many immigrant parents pressure their children to follow traditional paths to success, pursuing stable careers in fields such as healthcare, law, or justice. They’re very rarely pushing their kids to pursue personal creative passions that are less stable, especially in the current economic climate across the nation.
If you grew up wanting to be an artist or pursue something unconventional, you probably heard: "How will that pay the bills?" Even now, success can still feel entangled with guilt. Adult children who struggle in educational contexts or feel more drawn to artistic pursuits may feel resentment toward their parents for imposing unrealistic expectations or even guilt for pursuing these interests later in life. It’s one of the signs you were raised by an immigrant parent that other people wouldn’t understand, but many people struggle with.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
