11 Phrases That Instantly Annoy Deeply Unhappy People
If someone’s already unhappy, don’t anger them with these phrases.
Andrii Nekrasov / Shutterstock They say that misery loves company, but is that all that deeply unhappy people enjoy? Not always. People who are having a hard time sometimes just want to have people with a little tact around them.
Saying something nice is important, but it’s not everything. Sometimes, when you’re dealing with depression or just very upset about how life is going, what others don’t say matters just as much as what they say. If you’re dealing with someone going through tough times, you better know what to avoid saying.
These are 11 phrases that instantly annoy deeply unhappy people
1. ‘You really should smile more’
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Oof, this never hits the way you want it to. As so many women can tell you, asking a person to smile is never a smart idea. It’s considered to be street harassment at worst, and at best, it’s a very misguided take on polite discussion.
Neither women nor men want to be told to smile. You don’t know why they’re scowling. For all you know, they could be deeply unhappy because their loved one just died. Or it could be that they hate their lives. Either way, let them be grouchy.
2. ‘Why are you always so down?’
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Minimizing one’s problems doesn’t make the problem go away. If anything, it annoys deeply unhappy people because it shows how little you understand them. And moreover, not for nothing, but the world is kind of melting down right now — literally.
More often than not, deeply unhappy people are dealing with an existential crisis of sorts. If you’re minimizing that, it makes you seem like you don’t really try to care what’s going on in their life.
3. ‘You know, people would like you more if you were a little happier’
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Let’s be honest: deeply unhappy people are generally really lonely people. Having a large social network is one of the key predictors of a happy life. So, if you’re alone, you’re probably not doing as well as you could be.
Telling people to cover up their hurt to get people to like them is not going to have the effect you want it to have. It just makes that person feel even more unlikable.
4. ‘Have you considered therapy?’
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Therapy can be a wonderful tool to help people get on the right track, especially after depression, trauma, or abusive relationships. However, you can’t “therapize” out all problems.
If a person is deeply unhappy because of financial issues, political issues, or similar external factors, therapy won’t help with that. Treating therapy as a cure-all is both infantilizing and ignorant. Most unhappy people have tried therapy, but it may not have worked for them. Stop telling them to keep trying.
5. ‘You don’t seem that sad’
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This actually makes the list of things you should never say to someone with depression. Deeply unhappy people often mask their hurt on a daily basis in order to ensure they don’t draw too much attention to themselves.
If you’re saying that the person in question “doesn’t seem sad,” it can be misinterpreted as a sign that you don’t care about them. This is especially true if they’ve openly said they’re not in a good way.
6. ‘If everyone is so awful, you might be the one at fault.’
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Another way people put it is, “If everyone around you smells like poop, check the bottom of your shoe.” This line is a great way to make people who are already miserable feel like they’re being victim-blamed.
I mean, let’s be real. Miserable people are not going to be the most pleasant to be around. Saying their own sadness is due to their own actions is often victim-blamey.
7. ‘Oh, I guess you don’t want help’
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Oh my God, I hate hearing this. The worst assumptions are always there. Most miserable people have situations that are not easily helped. If they could get help that actually would make a legitimate difference, they would be happier.
It’s just that most of the time, deeply miserable people don’t even know what kind of help they need. So people just assume that turning down help means that they just want to complain.
8. ‘I have problems too…’
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Yes. Everyone has issues and problems. No one’s life is perfect, not even Jeff Bezos has a perfect life. What many people don’t seem to understand is that having your own set of problems doesn’t negate or erase the problems that make someone deeply miserable.
For all you know, the individual’s house is proverbially on fire. Finding out that you’re skipped over for a promotion isn’t going to make them feel better. Contrary to popular belief, misery doesn’t like company. Miserable people often wouldn’t wish their circumstances on anyone.
9. ‘Can you please stop complaining?’
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More often than not, complaining is done as a way to make people aware that you’re not okay. It’s not a normal ask for attention. It’s quite literally a cry for help. Complaints are not the norm in our society.
It’s been documented that miserable people tend to complain loudly or cause problems for others as a cry for help. In the eyes of those dealing with extreme neglect, any attention is better than none at all.
10. ‘Keep trying’
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Please don’t ever say this to someone who is miserable and depressed from burnout and constant rejections. Most people who are struggling don’t want to be told to keep trying or keep working at it.
They want to be given a helping hand or advice that can change their lives. If they’ve been dealing with a lot of failure, they don’t want to hear that you just want them to keep on keeping on.
11. ‘No one likes a grumpy person’
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Ah, yes, no one likes a grumpy person, do they? It’s almost as if this phrase kicks someone when they are already down. Oh wait. That’s because it does.
The moral of the story is pretty easy to see. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
