Seriously Phony People Use 11 Inauthentic Phrases To Make You Think They're For Real
Galina Zhigalova | Shutterstock It's not always easy to know when someone is sincere or being fake to get what they want, especially when we so badly want to believe people by default.
Fortunately, we can give people of the benefit while also keeping an eye out for signs someone is being phony. To do this, keep an eye out for a few ways people show their dishonesty in casual convwersation.
11 phrases truly phony people say often to make you think they're authentic
1. 'No offense, but'
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Phony people often use "no offense, but" as a soft approach to delivering hurtful comments, masking criticism with false politeness. An offensive statement usually follows.
This phrase is usually designed for one of two things: as a low-key way to hurt someone or to shield themselves from responsibility if they say something hurtful. If you feel offended by the next part of their sentence, that's on you (or so they claim).
When a phony uses this phrase, they signal the gap between their intentions and actual words. It's a disingenuous attempt to soften the blow of criticism coming your way.
It's important to remember that not all critique or feedback has to be harsh or labeled as criticism. Gentle feedback points out where you could improve, but criticism is designed to make you feel bad about yourself.
Saying "no offense" is one of the biggest signs of phoniness because they're literally saying the opposite of what they actually mean.
2. 'I'm just being honest.'
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When phony people say, "I'm just being honest," they claim honesty as a defensive tactic, shielding themselves from any pushback they'll receive for being unnecessarily harsh and hurtful. This phrase allows phony people to deliver what they see as truth, when it's just another harsh judgment.
Worse, they're misusing and weaponizing the idea of honesty for their benefit. Their actions invert the meaning of honesty: By saying they're being honest, they're letting you know how disingenuous they are.
As an article by Dr. Linda Weinberger explains, "dishonest relationships exploit rather than enhance the other person." When someone close to you is willing to drag you down repeatedly, it shows that they're only pretending to care.
3. 'Trust me, I never lie'
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The phrase "Trust me, I never lie" is a red flag, as it often signals someone trying to manipulate and gain your trust through deceit. Hearing this phrase should raise alarm bells in your brain because the person saying it is probably lying.
They overemphasize how honest they are so that you'll put your guard down and tell them things you keep close to your chest. The phrase is deceitful at its core, designed to convince you that a fake person is being sincere.
By speaking in such absolute terms, truly phony people are hiding who they are. They insist they’re honest without any proof to back it up. Genuine trust is built on more than just saying you’re trustworthy; it comes from aligning those words with actions.
4. 'I hate drama'
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Those who claim to hate drama are generally the biggest pot-stirrers of all. They thrive on the chaos, which a lot of us do, but they pretend not to in order to look like a better person than everyone else.
There's a notable difference between people who genuinely dislike drama and those who consistently tell you how much they hate it. The people who don't want drama take steps to keep their lives calm, while phony people who say they hate drama embrace the turmoil it brings.
More than just welcoming it, they actively stir the pot: They spread gossip and spill secrets told to them in confidence. If you find yourself inundated with unnecessary drama, the best approach is just to let it slide. But phony people just can't seem to do that.
5. 'I don't usually gossip, but'
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This qualifier is a deceptive way for phony people to make themselves look superior to others while doing exactly what they criticize: gossip. Ironically, by using this phrase, they're telling on themselves: They do, in fact, gossip quite often.
According to linguistic experts, phrases like this are called "performatives" or "qualifiers." They're relatively harmless on their own, but if they're the first part of a more prolonged thought, they lift the veil on the speaker's dishonesty.
As James W. Pennebaker, the psychology department chair at the University of Texas at Austin, told the Wall Street Journal, "Politeness is another word for deception. The point is to formalize social relations so you don't have to reveal your true self."
Phrases like "I don't usually say this" are a fake-out. It presents a facade of sincerity, yet the phony person's deception hides beneath the words.
6. 'I tend to always be right'
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When someone insists they're always right, they lack intellectual humility and refuse to consider differing perspectives. Often it betrays their ignorance, instead.
People who think they're always right cannot hear opposing beliefs. They interpret alternate perspectives as an attack on their intelligence instead of seeing them for what they are: a differing opinion or more information about a subject.
According to professors from the Humanities Institute at the University of Connecticut, intellectual humility can be described as the act "of owning one's cognitive limitations."
In other words, admitting how much you don't know is a sign of actual intelligence and humility. It involves "a healthy recognition of one's intellectual debts to others and low concern for intellectual domination."
Intellectual humility allows people to share their inner world and have meaningful conversations. Without it, any hope for honest discourse disappears.
7. 'I'm not like everyone else'
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Phony people often say they're not like other people (often heard as "I'm not like other girls" or "I'm not like other guys") to manipulate you into thinking they're special. In reality, truly special people feel no need to disparage other women (or men, or whatever group they think they're too special for) to look good to others.
This slippery phrase has been said countless times, emerging from the mouths of phony people worldwide. In young women, this was often called being a "pick me". Meaning they'll do whatever to get a guy to pick them over other girls.
This phrase is meant to evoke trust, but it's a clear message to walk the other way, fast. While it's easy to doubt your intuition, this phrase is a glaring sign that the person you're talking to isn't authentic.
8. 'I'm sorry that offended you'
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Phony people who say, "I'm sorry that thing I did offended you," often avoid accountability, turning their actions into emotional problems.
While this phrase implies someone is about to say sorry, in reality, those crucial words aren't coming anytime soon. This phrase functions as a buffer to manage your expectations without taking actual accountability.
Phony people who say this phrase believe their intentions outweigh their actions: They didn't mean to hurt you, so you shouldn't be so hurt. It shifts the blame onto the person who was caused harm, as the phony person sidesteps any responsibility for what they've done.
They're not offering an actual apology because they're more concerned with the optics of being forgiven (or getting someone to stop asking for accountability) than the fact that they hurt someone else. This phrase is a clear example of performative kindness. It's a hollow way for phony people to pretend they're empathic when they don't care.
9. 'Don't take everything so personally'
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This one goes along perfectly with "I'm sorry you were offended" as yet another way to dismiss your valid feelings while deflecting responsibility for their hurtful words. Phony people make this sweeping statement to minimize your feelings; a profoundly personal dig usually preempts it.
By blaming you for your emotional reaction rather than admitting that what they said was hurtful, they manipulate reality and dismiss you entirely.
They flip the narrative, turning their harmful behavior into your problem to solve, not the other way around. They've hurt your self-esteem but want you to believe it's your fault. The phrase "don't take everything so personally" is an insensitive way to tell someone not to be so sensitive.
10. 'I didn't say that'
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"I didn't say that" is a classic gaslighting tactic that distorts reality and makes you question your perception of events. Too often, people use this phrase to deny things they've said in the past. It's a way for them to distort the truth while sewing the seeds of self-doubt.
Several psychologists believe that dishonesty comes in different shades. If truthfulness exists on a spectrum, a phrase like "I didn't say that" falls on the side, representing a complete reality distortion.
Yes, some people want to refute an accusation of saying something, especially during disagreement, and they aren't intending to be phony or manipulative. A better phrase to use might be, "If I said that, I did not mean it at all" or simply, "I remember this differently."
If someone isn't willing to use a less absolute term while talking with you, they're probably not authentically interested in connection and a trusting relationship.
11. 'Just to play devil's advocate'
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Phony people often use the phrase "just to play devil's advocate" to express a contrarian opinion while masking their close-mindedness or a need to be controlling. They see this phrase as a neutral statement when using it as a form of foreshadowing.
Playing devil's advocate (without asking first) lets everyone know that whatever they say next will be pointedly contrarian or an active denial of someone's experience.
Phony people often frame their beliefs as though they're taking an intellectual approach to open discourse when they want to provoke or undermine the person they're talking to.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
