Grown Men Who Follow Random Women On Social Media Usually Have 11 Embarrassing Personality Traits
F01 PHOTO | Shutterstock While every couple has its own expectations for what’s appropriate in a relationship and every single person lives their life by an incredibly unique set of morals, social media is an entirely different, still-uncharted territory. Different generations and people have entirely different ideas of what’s appropriate online.
However, there are certain things, like grown men following random women on social media, that usually point to some embarrassing personality traits.
1. They’re always seeking attention
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There’s nuance to attention-seeking behaviors. If it’s a means of overcompensating for love and affection someone missed out on, especially in childhood, it’s not always an inherently bad behavior. In fact, it may simply be a coping mechanism rooted in survival instincts, according to author and behavioral specialist Gregg Levoy.
However, if someone’s need for constant attention, especially from people they perceive to be higher in status or attraction, comes from a place of narcissism and superiority, it’s probably something to be embarrassed about. For men in committed relationships and strange power dynamics, following random women online is rooted in their most malevolent traits.
2. They have a wandering eye
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Men in a committed relationship who have a wandering eye don’t always take action with cheating, but a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology did find that these individuals do tend to be less satisfied in their relationships and more likely to seek attention from younger potential alternatives.
So, if a male partner is consistently following younger women on social media and entertaining attention from people who aren’t their partners, there’s a chance their wandering eye isn’t contributing anything positive to the relationship. In many cases, it’s a clear overstep of boundaries and a violation of trust, and in a relationship with someone who truly loves and respects them, it’s embarrassing.
3. They need to feel desired
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While it might feel like an innocent desire for young people, for a grown man to still be seeking constant desirability, especially from younger men, it brings up a ton of red flags. According to a study from Personality and Individual Differences, always wanting people to feel attracted to them is often a sign of narcissism and other “dark triad” traits.
Of course, if that’s true, and they’re operating from a place of misguided superiority, they likely have no shame in acting a certain way on social media, but that doesn’t make it appropriate. In fact, if they consistently follow younger women and treat people in their lives with disrespect, it’s something to be embarrassed by.
4. They refuse to grow up
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Men with “Peter Pan syndrome” often let narcissistic tendencies rule their lives, struggling to grasp adult accountability, responsibility, and honest emotional growth, according to a study from Men and Masculinities. Of course, it’s an internal struggle, but it also largely negatively affects the people and social relationships around them.
While being stuck in the past and struggling to grow up doesn’t make someone a bad person, intentionally harming the people around them by refusing to change out of convenience is something to be embarrassed about for many men, even if it manifests by following random women on social media.
5. They’re easily influenced by distractions
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On an incredibly surface level, amid daily life, men and women have nuanced differences in the ways they focus and concentrate on tasks. However, if a man is easily distracted by the allure of choice on social media or surface-level attractiveness when they’re in a committed relationship already, that’s not a victimless crime.
If they’re getting distracted in a relationship by the allure of someone they don’t know, and are only seeing a highlight reel of, no less, there’s something deeper happening inside of them that needs to be addressed, and it’s probably some form of insecurity they’ve been avoiding.
6. They have poor boundaries
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At some point, emotionally maturing doesn’t just mean learning to be vulnerable with others and expressing emotions, but also setting boundaries that protect internal well-being. If a man is entirely externally validated, chances are he has few to no boundaries in his own life and struggles to accept and respect others as well.
Especially on social media, where they have the illusion of privacy and anonymity, their boundaries are even less prevalent. Whether it’s overstepping unspoken boundaries in a relationship or disrespecting someone else, their social media habits are a clear indication of poor boundaries.
7. They’re incredibly immature
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Maturity, especially for men, often comes from a sense of emotional intelligence that thrives later in life with experience, personal growth, and hardship. However, if a man still finds validation from random women online and turns to social media as a distraction from introspection, chances are he’s fallen behind.
A UK study even found that shifts in delayed maturity for men are partially responsible for falling birth rates, along with shifting lifestyles and financial burdens. So, even if their immaturity is showing up in a lack of respect and boundaries on social media, older men following random women may be an indication that they lack emotional maturity and stability internally.
8. They avoid real intimacy and connection
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Whether it’s rooted in the illusion of choice online, a sense of narcissistic superiority, or a distance from the work of vulnerability and emotional commitment, men who avoid real intimacy could be dealing with a range of internal struggles. Some are harmless, or simply signs of a man who needs to heal old wounds.
However, if they’re seeking surface-level connections and desirability at the expense of a partner or the people in their lives, their inability to commit is not just harming themselves. It’s also harming the people they’re supposed to care about most.
9. They act without thinking
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Instead of intentionally making choices and responding with intention, immature men who engage in all kinds of misguided behaviors online often act without thinking.
While sensation seeking and impulsivity is typically associated with immaturity early in life, according to a Developmental Psychology study, these men still lack the inner regulation, depth in thought, and perspective it takes to lead with intention before acting. They’re driven by a need for comfort, validation, and attention, rather than by respect and intention.
10. They seek instant gratification
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A lack of patience, intentionality, and emotional regulation is generally associated with a desire to seek instant gratification. Especially when a man has little to no emotional regulation skills, making impulsive decisions and seeking convenience is their way of finding comfort, without growing resilience through waiting and delaying their desires.
From overspending on money to seeking attention on social media, these people often put their subjective well-being at risk by impulsively leaning into every desire and whim.
11. They use social media to distract from obligations
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The realities of adulthood, like building resilience and routines, aren’t things that most immature men are interested in investing time and effort into. Instead, they rely on small desires, convenience, and instant gratification to find comfort in other accessible things, like contacting random strangers on social media and avoiding deeper relationships that require work.
They’re immature emotionally, and forced to seek attention and reassurance from others that they’re “important,” but they’re also socially immature, without the skills to approach and converse with people in real life.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
