People Who Grew Up As Loners Often Have These 11 Habits As Adults
Studio Romantic | Shutterstock Not everyone is the kind of person who can walk into a room, meet new people, and make instant friends. And not everyone has the desire to surround themselves with a large group of individuals. But being a loner doesn't mean someone is lonely, it just means they prefer to spend time alone instead of in the company of others. As kids, they may have acted a certain way, but people who grew up as loners often have specific habits as adults.
Their friends might tease them, but loners live by their own set of rules. From refusing to conform to the "norm" to avoiding social interaction at all costs, loners don't have the same mentality as the average person. So, it goes wihtout saying that they likely develop certain behaviors as young people that follow them into adulthood.
People who grew up as loners often have these 11 habits as adults
1. Preferring solitude to recharge
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As much as a loner loves their friends and family, they don't want to be around them all the time. Feeling overwhelmed and slightly anxious, they're constantly finding themselves alone to recharge. Of course, most of their extroverted friends don't understand them, and may roll their eyes or tease them.
However, loners aren't completely wrong in this case. Psychology expert Arash Emamzadeh explained, when people spend time alone, it gives them a chance to focus on relaxation, creativity, self-reflection, independence, and inner peace, among many other functions. So, as long as loners are getting a little socialization in, time to recharge isn't a bad thing.
2. Letting others lead the conversation
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Most people don't want to be sidelined during a conversation. As much as they claim they don't mind it, everyone wants to feel seen and made to feel special. And while the average person finds themselves bringing the conversation back to themselves and their experiences, people who grew up as loners often let others lead the conversation as adults.
Unlike everyone else, their worst nightmare is being noticed. Preferring to stick to the sidelines, they're content in being practically invisible to everyone around them.
3. Spending a lot of time in their own thoughts
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Most people don't reflect on themselves. As crucial as it is for learning and growing, reflection is also one of those things that can cause an unbelievable amount of pain. However, not everyone views self-reflection the same way. For loners, they spend quite a lot of time doing this.
Loners embrace reflection as a daily part of their routine. As associate professor of psychology Tara Well explained, reflecting can help us develop a better sense of self and perspective, and can ground us in our own bodies. So, while it may be uncomfortable, there's no denying its importance.
4. Keeping a very small social circle
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People usually have no social circle, a small social circle, or a huge one. It's tempting for some to want to make as many friends as possible. Whether it's for networking or to simply have more people to lean on, those who are more introverted tend to enjoy a large group of friends.
But for loners, they don't want to open themselves up in such a surface-level way. Knowing how vulnerable and painful it can be, loners prefer to stick with themselves or have one solid friend they can depend on. They find that sticking to a smaller group saves them more of a headache in the long run.
5. Choosing independence over conformity
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Human beings are social creatures, and having an "in-group" is crucial for a person's mental well-being, which is why social rejection is so damaging. Social rejection can cause sadness, anxiety, anger, jealousy, depression, and even poor impulse control. But for loners, they prefer to be independent rather than have to rely on social interaction.
They might not be as much of a loner as they once were growing up, but this doesn't mean they lost that learned independence. These individuals would rather have zero friends than be surrounded by the wrong type of crowd, and really just enjoy time with themselves, doing what they want.
6. Being highly self-reliant
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While it may seem like a skillset everyone is taught at a young age, some people can't depend on themselves for anything. Always feeling anxious or incapable, they depend on others to feel secure. And while it feels nice to depend on others for help, that cost shouldn't be overlooked.
From people failing them as kids to feeling disappointed, loners have learned just how crucial it is to stand on their own two feet, even if it isn't easy. Sometimes, it may stem from insecurity, but loners can rest easy knowing their actions alone caused outcomes.
7. Avoiding drama
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Whether it's removing themselves from angry group texts or avoiding being part of drama in any sense, people who grew up as loners often have these habits as adults. Drama like this can cause high levels of stress and, as a study published in Healthcare found, "High levels of stress can impair cognitive function, attention, and memory retrieval, leading to difficulties in concentrating, processing information, and retaining new knowledge."
Loners might not have been involved in any drama, but they've observed enough to know that this lifestyle isn't worth it. Call them rude, but if someone wants to stir up chaos, it's better to find an extrovert.
8. Guarding their time and energy
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Life seems to have become more draining. From doomscrolling to overworking, there's no denying that everyone could use a break. For loners, this becomes even more crucial as they are already low on energy once they get home from work. As such, they're careful with their time and energy, and don't let others drain them of it.
They aren't trying to be rude, but some people aren't worth their time. Loners would rather stay home alone than be caught with someone who makes them feel worse.
9. Avoiding small talk
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Everyone's been in this situation before: They're waiting in line or are in an elevator when awkward silence fills the room. Feeling anxious, they find themselves engaging in small talk, even if they don't want to. Most of us would rather talk than awkwardly sit there in silence.
But loners don't feel awkward in silence; in fact, they view it as a blessing and are content with just sitting there quietly, not saying a word. While it may seem strange, according to family counselor Lynne Reeves Griffin, "Introverts feel more comfortable and energized in solitary or low-stimulus environments, often preferring one-on-one or small-group interactions... [they] may find excessive social interactions focused on superficial chit-chat to be draining."
10. Mentally rehearsing scenarios
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Whether it's imagining how a job interview will pan out or catastrophizing emergency situations, people who grew up as loners often have these habits as adults. Loners tend to rehearse scenarios in their head. While they might look composed on the outside, on the inside, they're slightly freaking out.
It's uncomfortable, but they'd rather over-prepare. Feeling worried and anxious, they spend a good bit of time planning out what they're going to say before having important conversations. Is it fun? No. Does it make them feel way better than going with the flow? Absolutely.
11. Texting instead of calling
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More than half of Americans actually prefer calling over texting. According to a survey from Pew Research Center, 53% of respondents said they prefer calling over texting. However, while that may be the case for the average person, loners don't really hold the same sentiment.
They might love their friends and family, but most of the time, their social battery is drained after the slightest interaction. From dealing with co-workers to stressing over the news, loners would rather text the people they know than be on a phone call with no ending in sight.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
