People Who Do These 11 Subtle Things When They Talk To You Are More Likable Than Everyone Else
anabg | Shutterstock Of all the things people want to be, being more likable sits near the top of the list. Whether it's with friends, family, coworkers, or the people we still feel the urge to impress, most personal goals trace back to the same desire: to feel accepted, valued, and genuinely liked. That instinct isn't shallow. It's human nature.
What often trips people up is the belief that being more likable means becoming someone else entirely. There's a tension between staying true to yourself and becoming the kind of person others enjoy being around. But there’s a middle ground. People who do these subtle things when they talk to you don't perform or fake warmth. They're unafraid to be themselves, just with a higher level of awareness, emotional intelligence, and respect for the person in front of them.
People who do these 12 subtle things when they talk to you are more likable than everyone else:
1. They validate your emotions, even when they don't agree
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In other words, you don't find reasons to dismiss the way other people feel.
If someone says, "You hurt me," you don't try to deny it, even though you may not have realized you did anything wrong. You don't assume you can tell people how to feel, or that logic (or peer pressure) can change that fact.
Research shows that when people feel truly understood and have their emotions acknowledged, they feel closer and more connected to the other person, which naturally builds trust and likability. So it's important that you accept and validate other people's feelings as they are, and, in turn, they validate you for who you are.
2. They're actually interested in what you have to say and ask thoughtful questions
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Inquisitiveness, when coming from a place of genuine interest, makes people feel important and valued. However, that can easily take a turn for the worse when you ask someone questions that make them uncomfortable to answer.
That's why likable people ask others questions regarding things they're inherently passionate about. Because you're a likable person, you give others an outlet to share and express what they love the most.
It's a bonding tool, but it's also a way of showing someone you care about them because you care about what they care about.
3. They look you in the eyes
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Eye contact is an essential part of communication, as it creates positive interactions. And when you meet someone, whether you know them or not, you're sure to look them in the eye.
You give a firm handshake, address the person by name, and make them feel comfortable rather than intimidated. Likable people command respect with how much respect they give to others.
4. They put their phone away
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When you're with other people, you're sure to give them your full, complete attention. Because research shows that even a visible phone during a conversation makes people feel less connected and understood, putting your phone out of sight tells the other person they're your priority.
The gesture of responding to something in the middle of a conversation communicates the idea that there's something more important than the person you're talking to.
Whether there is or isn't, likable people consider how this small (but significant) action will make others feel.
5. Their personality is consistent and genuine
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The truth is that people dislike change, and they especially dislike it when people change. This is unfortunate, as change is the only real constant in life, and the idea that people shouldn't evolve is dangerous at worst.
Yet, there's a mild difference between being "changeable" and "consistent," the latter of which has to do with having a sound idea of who you inherently are. Research shows that in real-time interactions, people who are liked are also judged as more authentic and genuine by others, which reinforces why consistency and being your real self make you more likable.
Sure, your politics may change, and your opinions may change, but consistently showing up with your whole, genuine self makes you more likable, simply because people are certain about what they're getting.
6. They don't fish for emotional reactions
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Because you're a likable person, you don't tell someone about your promotion with the intent of eliciting awe and admiration. You don't seek sympathy for your hardships.
The point is that you don't go into conversations looking for a specific emotional reaction from other people (it's exhausting to the opposite party).
Research suggests that people who ask more questions and show responsiveness in a conversation are consistently liked more by their partners, because it signals genuine interest rather than self-focus.
7. They don't project their insecurities onto you
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When you see someone walking down the street, you don't size them up and start comparing. You recognize that other people, places, events, and issues exist without your involvement whatsoever.
You aren't selfish to the point where you believe that if someone else is successful, it means you aren't; or, if someone else doesn't have love, that makes you better.
You don't project your issues onto whatever is in front of you.
8. They speak clearly and mean what they say
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Likable people speak clearly and concisely, simply because they aren't trying to edit or inflate whatever they're trying to say. Research shows that people who give clear, specific responses in conversation are seen as more likable and warm than those who speak ambiguously, because clarity signals sincerity and social interest.
As such, you communicate directly and well, and it's this transparency that immediately puts others at ease. People don't need to wonder if you really mean what you say because you speak with conviction.
9. They don't try to convert or correct you
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You're resolute in your beliefs to the point where other people aren't threatening. In other words, you don't pick out opportunities to "inform" people of their ignorance or turn every family dinner into a political debate.
Research shows that trying to persuade someone or correct their beliefs too aggressively can trigger psychological resistance and push people away rather than bringing them closer, so avoiding that makes conversations much more pleasant. So if you have enough self-awareness to know that the desire to do so comes from a place of crippling insecurity, that it doesn't need to be acted on.
10. They try to understand you rather than try to be right
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You're sure to put yourself on a level playing field with everyone you come across. Because you don't have a superiority complex or a need for validation, you're better able to understand people on a deeper level.
Research shows that when someone listens with real attention and understanding, the speaker feels more connected and understood, which builds trust and rapport — and that’s exactly what makes you feel likable in conversation.
You see conversations as opportunities to learn about what you don't know, rather than informing other people about what they don't know. You're an incredibly likable person because you make it a point to connect, not one-up.
11. They actively work on themselves
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Likability isn't just about what someone says in a conversation. It shows up in their body language, their tone, and how at ease they are in their own skin. People communicate who they are in dozens of subtle ways, and the most likable ones tend to feel grounded, open, and emotionally present.
At the core of that ease is a willingness to work on themselves. Truly likable people can say, 'I'm sorry I hurt you,' without making excuses or getting defensive. They're open to feedback, willing to admit when they're wrong, and genuinely interested in doing better next time.
Because of that, conversations with them feel safe. You don't have to tiptoe around their ego or worry about triggering a shutdown. People who commit to personal growth are also committed to healthier relationships, because they understand that how they show up matters.
In the end, being likable isn't about changing who you are. It's about becoming more aware of how you connect with others, and choosing to show up with honesty, humility, and respect.
Brianna Wiest is a writer, editor, author, and regular contributor to publications such as Huffington Post, Forbes, Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, and many others. She's the author of '101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think,' and other collections of poetry and prose.
