People Who Act Like Your Best Friend But Do These 11 Things Will Likely Betray You Eventually
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Figuring out which of your friends are loyal and not just out to get you is essential to a peaceful and happy life. The negative energy of a bad friend can affect your emotional well-being. And whether you've been in a long-term friendship or they're supportive and loving occasionally, making the decision to finally protect your peace isn't easy.
Maybe they overstep your boundaries or constantly criticize you, but whatever their actions are, people who act like your best friend but do these things will likely betray you eventually. By picking up on these subtleties and protecting the energy your friends bring to your life, you can move forward with a sense of confidence that your inner circle’s intentions are supportive, not toxic.
People who act like your best friend but do these 11 things will likely betray you eventually
1. They gossip about other people
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Though a 2024 study suggests that occasional gossip over a shared experience or struggle can be healthy, the majority of rumors and negative energy that tends to come from a constantly gossiping friend is inherently toxic. When someone is hyper-critical of everyone in their life, and they express those negative comments to you often, chances are they're saying similarly hurtful things about you to others behind your back.
Negative energy builds up, especially in a long-term friendship that's characterized by gossiping and making fun of others. And it happens in ways that can genuinely impact your emotional health. If you're starting to feel that energy lingering in your daily life, it might be time to set some healthy boundaries for your interactions and conversations.
2. They can never keep a secret
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According to a 2024 survey on friendship, loyalty is the number one trait people look for in their close friendships and inner circles. Like any other healthy relationship, trust is essential. You should feel comfortable enough to share your emotions, opinions, and vulnerabilities with your friends without worrying that they're sharing them beyond your relationship.
If you feel like you don't have that kind of trust with a friend, or constantly catch them sharing other people's secrets with you, don't hesitate to consider their intentions. Because people who act like your best friend but do these things will likely betray you eventually.
If they're freely sharing other people's confidential thoughts and feelings, it's highly likely they have no issues doing the same to you. Remember that you deserve friends who have your best interests in mind, not someone freely sharing your secrets, criticizing your decisions, or making fun of your vulnerabilities behind your back.
3. They struggle to make commitments
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Like any other relationship you hope to keep in your life, good friends prioritize keeping their commitments, staying true to their promises, and respecting people's time, energy, and space. When someone you consider to be your best friend consistently shows up late, cancels last minute commitments, or breaks promises, you should question whether they're truly considerate of your well-being or more focused on their own interests.
While therapists Jennifer Litner argues this kind of inconsistency is a common trait of a toxic one-sided friendship, there are ways to communicate about this behavior to a friend before cutting them off completely.
For starters, if you urge them to be realistic and communicate your frustrations to them, but they don't change or even consider your advice, take it as a nudge to consider whether this friendship is truly adding to your life.
4. They criticize you
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Many friendships struggle with longevity because of inherent jealousy or envy. While it might be subtle, some friends secretly compete with the people in their lives to build up their own superiority and subdue their insecurities. But your friends should champion your accomplishments and success, not criticize them or take away from your happiness.
Like life coach Ann Papayoti argues, not supporting your success is still a way toxic friends fail to "show up" for you, even if it's entirely emotional. Especially if this is a chronic tendency in your relationship, ensure your friend is not secretly hoping for your downfall behind your back, because that's the kind of energy that should be swiftly cut off.
5. They never reach out first or make plans
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Perceived "reciprocity" in friendships tends to spark more conflict than other struggles, as many people experience "responsibility bias," a term that psychologist Dr. Marisa G. Franco explains as the tendency for humans to take note of the things they take responsibility for, like sending the first text to a friend, more than the things they don't.
When we're conscious of the fact that we reach out first to our friends or make plans before anyone else, it can spark feelings of resentment in a relationship, making it feel one-sided. Of course, people who act like they're your best friend but aren't might show up to these events or respond to your texts, but it's their lack of engagement in starting them that's contributing to a toxic dynamic.
6. They drain your energy
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When you take note of how you feel after hanging out with your best friend, do you feel happier and more fulfilled, or are you insecure and feeling tired? According to marriage counselor Larry Michel, emotional vampires can manifest as a good friend but truly betray you, take away from your good energy, and secretly sabotage your success.
You might feel tired, even though you've slept plenty. You might feel less creative, inquisitive, or curious. Your other friends and family might even notice a shift in your energy and personality when they're around.
Validate your own emotions and experiences by recognizing the people who negatively affect your emotional health, and then take actionable steps to mitigate the consequences of their behavior on your day-to-day life.
7. They weaponize therapy phrases
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While the rise of mental health awareness has many benefits to the well-being of friendships, there are some downsides to its accessibility, including weaponized "therapy speak." Whether it's misusing therapy terms like "gaslighting" or "manipulation," or projecting their insecurities onto you, people who act like your best friend but do these things will likely betray you eventually.
They can guilt you into thinking you're actually the perpetrator and they're the victim, even when they're in the wrong. Of course, phrases like this can be helpful for acknowledging toxic behavior, but they can just as easily be misused in the hands of a misguided, narcissistic, or toxic person.
8. They act condescending
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According to psychologist Beth Birenbaum, condescending behavior can take a number of different forms in your relationships, from belittling remarks, to interrupting, to dismissive body language like eye-rolling. When someone doesn't respect you, they might utilize this condescension to subtly put you down and reassert their own misguided ego and superiority.
Even in your seemingly healthy friendships, don't dismiss the negative emotions you feel in response to passive condescension. A true friend, with healthy intentions and your best interests in mind, won't purposely put you down to help themselves feel better.
9. They constantly compare their achievements to others
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While your best friend might not be inherently malicious or manipulative, many insecure people tend to self-assure their egos and misguidedly build their own confidence by comparing themselves to the people in their lives. While it might help them feel temporarily better in the moment, the long-lasting effect of this comparison can spark resentment and mistrust in your friendship.
These are the kinds of friends who always feel the need to "one-up" you in conversations or diminish your accomplishments in front of others. But when you have a true and well-intentioned friend, they will celebrate you and give you space to shine without judgment or criticism.
10. They overstep your boundaries
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Whether it's borrowing your clothing without asking, sharing your private information with others, or give unprompted advice, people who act like your best friend but do these things will likely betray you eventually. They purposely overstep your boundaries, and even if you call them out, they feel no remorse.
According to psychotherapist Duygu Balan, toxic behavior, especially amongst close friends, can be extremely difficult to identify and truly acknowledge. But there's one foolproof way to pinpoint toxic relationships in your life: trusting your gut.
It's okay to let go of unhealthy and toxic friendships, especially if your intuition is constantly reminding you that a friend is overstepping your boundaries, draining you of your energy, or making you feel uncomfortable in various settings. Don't ignore those behaviors and the negative feelings you experience as a result of them.
11. They make every conversation about themselves
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While inherently selfish people, often driven by their own insecurities or narcissism, are fully capable of having healthy relationships with the right boundaries and expectations, people who act like your best friend but aren't really tend to constantly make things about themselves. They actively dismiss your emotions and take away space for you to exist.
Healthy friendships are about maintaining a balance between two people, whether it's communicating struggles, venting about a problem, seeking validation, or spending quality time together. You shouldn't feel completely left out of all the benefits a healthy friendship should bring.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
