People With Very Little Mental & Emotional Softness Usually Say 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Andrej Lišakov | Unsplash We've all met someone who lacks softness. They often come across as distant or judgmental (or both). This is usually due to self-protection and fear of judgment or rejection.
Being emotionally harsh over a long period of time can eventually make someone seem heartless, though. When they say phrases like these, they reveal just how hardened they've become.
Phrases people with little mental and emotional softness say in casual conversation
1. 'I don't have time for this'
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It's totally OK to set boundaries around other people who take up too much of your time. But people who are lacking emotional softness often push people away so often, they damage relationships.
In an ideal world, they could smile and pretend they aren't completely overwhelmed. But the more nonsense they're exposed to, the more heartless they become. It's not that they want to hurt you, they just don't want to hear about your problems, and they'd rather be a little hurtful in telling you than actually be open to an emotional and vulnerable conversation.
2. 'Get over it'
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If there's one thing hardened people hate, it's a complainer. Like, yes, life is hard, but they don't see the point in debriefing about it. They've faced their own struggles and found a way to cope. Even when those moments left them drained, they'd rather step on Legos than choose to complain.
They believe complaining is for the weak. That's why they're quick to say, "Get over it." In their eyes, life is hard for everyone. Everyone is miserable in some capacity. So, either cry about it or get over it. Either way, count them out.
3. 'It could be worse'
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Life won't always go the way we expect. Sometimes, you give it your all only to watch everything fall apart. Is it soul-crushing? Absolutely. Are you allowed to grieve? 100%. But if your end result is becoming a hardened husk of a human, you're not actually dealing with your problems. You're pushing them away, and in the process, pushing others away.
People with very little emotional softness assume everyone else should become a hardened husk of a person, too, so they tell them "it could be worse" when they open up. While sometimes a reality check is helpful, if this is the only thing someone says, it's unkind.
While they aren't wrong, being unable to show empathy is problematic. As the Austin Mindfulness Center writes, empathy helps de-escalate tension and improve communication. Dismissing someone's feelings does the opposite.
4. 'It's not that deep'
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When someone is lacking softness, the idea of diving deep into someone''s feelings or looking at the complex dynamics of any situation sounds like torture. That's why they cut intense conversations short. Even if it's rude, they'll still say, "It's not that deep."
It isn't the most mature response, but they don't know how to stop this reflex. They need to protect themselves so they can't be hurt again, so they just snap. Even worse, they say these things in a mocking tone, so the other person feels like a fool for even suggesting the conversation.
They have no idea that the actual protection comes from learning how to be vulnerable with other people so you can build deep relationships and grow a network of connections that will stand by you in tough times.
5. 'What do you want me to do about it?'
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Most of the time, emotionally hardened people don't mean to be jerks. Sometimes they don't know what to say, so they just let their initial instincts fly.
In this case, they probably really don't know what to do about it. Their lack of softness has closed them off to authentic connection for so long, they don't have a model for what it's like to show someone support. That's why they say such unkind things when someone asks for help.
6. 'That's just life'
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Life's gonna hit you with a few major shocks no matter what. It doesn't matter how many preventative measures you take or how much money you save, so people who lack softness aren't be dishonest when they say it.
That still doesn't mean it's okay for hardened people to say this dismissively. It's unkind, and makes people feel unimportant and like their feelings and experiences aren't valid.
And as psychotherapist Moshe Ratson, MBA, MFT, explains, "Validation is the lifeblood of emotional connection. It is the glue that holds relationships together, ensuring that partners feel heard, seen, and understood." That's why hardened people need to learn to hold their tongues before just blurting stuff out.
7. 'Why should I care?'
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Emotionally hardened people know it's rude, but after so many years they just don't care. They are so out-of-practice when it comes to empathy, they no longer reflexively know how to imagine what someone else's experience might be.
This is a shining example of why people who lack emotional softness end up feeling so lonely. Without empathy, it's hard for anyone to trust you or depend on you. The next thing you know, people stop calling and texting and almost pretend you're not there. For someone who already saw the dark side of life, it's just affirmation that people are bad or people can't be trusted. They don't realize the role they played in creating that.
8. 'I'm not going to baby you'
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If you're looking for sympathy, you probably won't get it from hardened people. From a young age, they've had to be tough. Even if it wasn't healthy, they were taught never to whine or complain. When they did, they were probably hurt in some way or another. That's probably why, when they see someone looking for sympathy, they can't help but say, "I'm not going to baby you."
In their eyes, they believe tough love is true love, even if they didn't like how their own parents (or whatever loved one mistreated them) behaved. Instead of holding your hand and telling you what you need to hear, they'd rather give you the advice they believe you need, and they rarely do it kindly.
That's why you should think twice before confiding in a person who has never shown you softness. If you do, just know that their harshness isn't personal or a reflection of you and your experiences.
9. 'I'm not going to sugarcoat things'
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These hard-shelled people believe the best thing they can do is be upfront. Even if the truth hurts, they'd rather rip off the band-aid than pretend the glaring problem doesn't exist. That's probably why they warn you beforehand: the truth is a tough pill to swallow.
Sadly, they don't know how to sugarcoat things even when it actually would be better to ease gently into a conversation. They just don't have the sensitivity to do that.
Here's the thing, if you can trust someone to deliver brutal honesty, if they've actually earned it, it can be a good thing.
Honesty doesn't just bring us closer, it improves our well-being. So long as it's said respectfully, it can help us grow in the long run.
And this might be something you can suggest to people who seem to lack softness. Try saying, "I'm not going to sugarcoat this, but the way you're delivering your truth is making me feel very apprehensive about hanging out with you or confiding in you. It's too blunt and careless."
That might just be the thing this emotionally hardened needs to hear.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
