Selective Extroverts Usually Have 9 Quiet Traits That Come Out In Casual Conversations
Kyryk Ivan / Shutterstock I see myself as an introvert, but that may surprise people. In certain social situations, I flourish. Typically, this is with close friends I feel comfortable being unapologetically myself around.
Selective extroverts like myself have something sort of like a mental switch that turns on under the right circumstances. Even though they’re typically introverts, they can flip that switch and become outgoing when they’re comfortable enough or when it benefits them. They tend to have subtle traits that often go unnoticed and help them balance their introverted and selectively extroverted sides.
People who are selective extroverts often have these subtle traits that emerge during casual conversations
1. They are socially confident
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Just because someone is introverted doesn’t mean they have poor social skills. They still feel the positive effects of connecting with others, even if it's only in small doses. When they’re around people they’re comfortable with, they can flip a switch and become extroverted. This isn’t always easy, but some have mastered the art.
For some introverts, having social confidence is what pulls them out of their shell. They feel comfortable being themselves around a select group. This can leave their friends wondering why they claim they’re an introvert if they are so confident with them.
2. They have great listening skills
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It’s difficult to chime in on a conversation if you don’t know what’s going on. Some people assume introverts zone out when in social situations. For most, they are actually quiet because they are actively listening to what’s going on. When they feel confident enough to chime in, they have all the facts down. They might observe before they contribute.
When they flip that switch, they make the people they’re talking to feel safe. The other person might be more comfortable opening up and bonding with them. Selective extroverts who find a good balance between their outgoing and introverted side can use both skill sets to their advantage.
3. They are talkative when needed
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Though they often listen more than they talk, they know when to add to the conversation. They feel the most comfortable in low-stimulation settings. When they don’t feel pressure or overwhelming anxiety, they often have interesting things to add. They prefer one-on-one or small group situations where they can let their guard down. This can make them yap as uncontrollably as your run-of-the-mill extrovert.
If someone can work through the anxiety some social situations bring, they can thrive in a conversation. They’re talkative when it counts, maintaining relationships with their loved ones.
4. But they also know when to stop talking
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Someone like this can have strong social boundaries. When a conversation is getting out of hand, they know when to end it. Whether they’re getting uncomfortable or the vibe of the room is shifting, they can sense their cue to disengage. Because they are excellent listeners, knowing when to back off comes naturally. They see an out, and they take it.
It can be difficult for people to understand how someone could go from talking to instant quiet, but for those who balance their introverted and extroverted sides, it can be easy to know when to flip the switch. Their social awareness may be stronger than others'.
5. They have a great memory
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The memories we share strengthen our relationships. Some people have an easier time remembering things than others do. It might be the conversations with others or the time they spend together doing activities. Many things stick with them and allow them to connect with people, whether they know them well or not. Being observant and connected to others may not sound like something an introvert would thrive at, but when they walk the line between introversion and extroversion, they might surprise you.
This goes hand in hand with their strong listening skills. They follow along with what’s being said and retain it, adding to the conversation when the situation feels right.
6. They can read a room well
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I like to think I can read a room well. If the vibe seems off, I’ll keep certain comments to myself. Extroverts can sometimes struggle with this skill. They talk… a lot. We all have that friend who says what they want, when they want. This can make them seem completely unaware of the people around them because they may say something offensive or inappropriate when it pops into their head. It doesn’t matter who is around; they love to say what’s on their mind.
Introverted extroverts may be able to tap into skills that help them read the room. They adapt to the social situation. This might mean they observe or add to the conversation.
7. They can mirror other people’s energy
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When I’m uncomfortable in a social situation, I try to read the people around me. How are they feeling? What are they thinking? Once (I think) I figure it out, I try to match that energy. I like to meet people where they are, which takes me out of my comfort zone and forces me to be selectively extroverted. It’s a trait that I’m proud of because it helps me in various situations.
This is called the chameleon effect. We mirror other people’s behaviors to fit in. It builds rapport and trust, which can make socializing easier for someone who is typically more introverted.
8. They are private when necessary
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Introverts get a bad rap for being rude. Sure, they may not talk to you the way you want them to, but that doesn’t mean they have bad intentions. In fact, some can seem effortlessly friendly. It’s called social introversion, which may not make sense. These are individuals who can be selectively social, especially with people they know. Even if they’re not comfortable, they may plaster on a smile and act effortlessly friendly.
Selective extroverts can flip the switch in places like a store. They can smile and have small talk with the cashier, looking like a regular social person. It may not be their first choice, but they can make it look easy.
9. They are effortlessly friendly
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Introverts get a bad rap for being rude. Sure, they may not talk to you the way you want, but that doesn’t mean they have bad intentions. In fact, some can be effortlessly friendly. It’s called social introversion, which may not make sense. These are people who can be selectively social, especially with people they know. Even if they’re not comfortable, they may plaster on a smile and act effortlessly friendly.
Selective extroverts can flip the switch in places like a store. They smile and make small talk with the cashier, looking like a regular social person. It may not be their first choice, but they can make it look easy.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
