For Type-A People Who Are Bad At Relaxing, These 7 Tips Will Help You Take A Real Vacation
LOOK | Canva Vacations are no vacation for people who are compulsive, workaholic, or Type A. If any of these describe your personality, it might take you more effort to relax and enjoy a vacation than to stay at the office and get things done. Why bother?
Compulsive types can become critical of their own struggle to chill out. “I know I should be enjoying myself, and I’m not, so I’m failing again.” Which is about as helpful as using kerosene to put out a fire. So here are some vacation pointers for making the best of your time off:
For type-A people who are bad at relaxing, these 7 tips will help you take a real vacation:
1. Don’t let your need for control ruin the vacation
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Be with whatever is happening. Something will go wrong — I guarantee it. And it may feel like the worst possible thing that could go wrong. Still, that’s no excuse to spoil the whole vacation obsessing about how unfair it is, or what you did wrong in planning, or how someone else’s sloppiness or laziness is keeping it from being perfect. It’s raining, the wi-fi is out, and your rental car has gone on strike. With the right attitude, it can still be a good situation. It’s not what happens that counts; it’s your reaction to what happens that counts. You will laugh about it someday.
2. Don’t wait until problems get fixed to enjoy what’s there
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Type-A personalities like having things resolved, but unfortunately, travel doesn't always work that way. It may end up taking 36 hours for your luggage to arrive. That’s 79.7 percent of your vacation, and believe me, those airline execs are not going to feel one bit of your pain, no matter how much you stew about it.
3. Slow down to seek quality, not quantity
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Beware of trying to do everything during the limited time you have. You won’t be able to see every waterfall, go on every ride, or visit every bakery in search of the perfect red velvet cupcake while you’re there. Savor what you can experience and sense. And eat and drink.
4. Detox from your work
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A study suggested that many people are, in fact, addicted to their work, and like any other compulsion, when you try to stop, you’ll experience withdrawal. Expect it to be very uncomfortable at first, but you’ll get past it. If you must work, compartmentalize it. Limit calls or emails to a particular hour and then leave it. Put your phone away. If you insist on doing some sort of work or having a project, work on not working. Take the reins of your compulsive energy and make relaxing your destination.
5. Substitute presence for productivity
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To let go of control and productivity, you’ll need to put other things in their place. Savor the small things with all five senses. The smell of the air. The temperature. Textures — sand, smooth rock, the wooden tabletop. The sound of the breeze in the trees. The colors of the buildings, water, leaves, and the eyes of your friends or family.
6. Re-inhabit your body
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I’m going to make an educated guess here that your body is more of a vehicle than a temple for you. You use it to get somewhere rather than enjoy the ride. You’ve been leaning so far forward to be productive that you’ve actually evacuated your own body. Try to get back inside. Take hot showers and baths. Enjoy stretching. Use progressive muscle relaxation. Exchange messages with your partner. Slow down enough to notice your in-breath and out-breath.
7. Recall what’s most important to you
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Vacation is a great time to experiment with letting go of the constant ego chatter about what you think needs to be done, and instead listening to other parts of you that call for something more fulfilling. You have a chance to trust that if you allow the controlling ego to let go and rest, other parts of you will make your life richer and give you better direction.
Here’s a scientifically proven fact that could inspire you to loosen up for a little while: Time away from work helps us to be more creative and productive. Rest is just as essential to doing good work as persistence. Really. Your brain doesn’t stop working on a problem if you lie in a hammock for 11 minutes. In fact, you’re actually more likely to come up with a solution to that snag you’ve been blocked by if you give it a rest.
Once you stop focusing on the problem consciously, an entirely different part of your brain springs into action to work on the problem, and according to research, it often reaches far better solutions. So, ironically, if you don’t take time for R and R, you miss an opportunity to boost your productivity.
But for people who are compulsive, workaholic, or Type A, trusting that if the ego stops trying to manage everything, other parts of your psyche will step up and do a better job is easier said than done.
Taking vacations (for example). We’re set up for failure in this area: we’re programmed to control and produce — neither of which cohabits well with vacation. Travel is infamously and deliciously unpredictable, and it’s hard to let go and enjoy what there is to enjoy when things don’t go as planned. And it doesn’t seem like you’re getting anything done on vacation, which, let’s admit it, has become a little too important.
If you struggle to achieve any of these bullet points, don’t get down on yourself. You’re a work in progress. Accepting the realistic limitations of being humanly imperfect is a challenge you can enjoy.
Gary Trosclair is a psychotherapist, Jungian analyst, and author of I’m Working on It in Therapy: How to Get the Most out of Psychotherapy.
