If You Grew Up Kinda Lonely, You Probably Have These 11 Habits That Make You Way Better Than Normal People
Being lonely as a kid can teach you lessons that make you a better person than most other adults.
TetianaKtv / Shutterstock Growing up as a kid with few friends doesn't always feel great. From sitting alone at lunchtime to having to come up with things to do by yourself on weekends, growing up with little social interaction can be tough. Still, if you grew up kinda lonely, you probably developed habits that make you way better than normal people as an adult.
Now, it's not to say that those who grow up lonely are automatically superior to those who were popular. Like everyone else, lonely people have strengths and weaknesses. But while growing up lonely is less than ideal, to say the least, it isn't all bad, as it leads to certain areas of growth that other people don't experience in the same way.
If you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have these 11 habits that make you way better than normal people
1. You listen more than you talk
BongkarnGraphic | Shutterstock
If you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have the habit of listening more than you talk. No, it's not that you're shy or don't have much to say. Unlike most people who center conversations around themselves, those who grew up lonely know just how important it is to feel included. From small things, like inviting them over for lunch, to bigger things, like including them in a conversation, those who grew up lonely would never purposely make someone feel unheard.
Is it a bit dramatic to think this way? For some, absolutely. However, feeling unheard is a lot more hurtful than most people realize. According to licensed psychologist Jonice Webb, Ph.D., "Emotions need to be acknowledged and felt in order to live a fulfilling life."
From acknowledging your own emotions to listening to other people's emotions, connecting with emotions is a need we all have. So, while some might write you off as 'shy,' for those who grew up lonely, it's a lot deeper than that.
2. You journal or write your thoughts
AYO Production | Shutterstock
Sure, many people have heard that journaling your thoughts is the best way to navigate them. However, if you were to ask the average person if they journal their feelings, most would probably say no. From being busy with work to feeling too burned out to try, the average person isn't wasting ten minutes to write. However, if you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have the habit of journaling or writing your thoughts.
At first, you probably started to do this because your therapist recommended it or because you saw it on a random social media post. Wanting to better yourself and do more inner work, you began this project not thinking it'd amount to much. Yet, because you don't have an extensive circle to confide in compared to others, you slowly began to depend on this habit to keep your mental health in check.
As Callie Koziol from the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse wrote, "Journaling is a tool for bettering mental health and promoting personal growth, and can be therapeutic and cathartic, improving emotional and physical health."
So, while it may be time-consuming, there's no denying that journaling has its fair share of benefits.
3. You instantly notice small changes in people’s behavior
New Africa | Shutterstock
If you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have the habit of instantly noticing small changes in people's behavior. Not to be weird, of course, but you can't help but be highly observant. From when people grow silent to when they nervously laugh, you're observant in a way that the average person isn't. However, this isn't all that shocking. Considering you grew up lonely, you probably spent a good bit of your time observing others.
Whether it's observing to ensure you haven't ticked someone off or being alone and having no choice but to look around, you've slowly learned how to read people's body language with ease. Now, are you always one hundred percent accurate? Of course not. But nine times out of ten, you're almost always on the money.
4. You avoid gossip or drama
ViDi Studio | Shutterstock
Let's be honest, most people don't mind engaging in a little gossip from time to time. As much as people may claim to be 'drama-free,' the average person doesn't mind catching up with celebrity news or who did what at the family reunion. That being said, if you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have the habit of avoiding gossip or drama. Unlike some people, you actually know what it is to live in peace.
Since you always kept to yourself, you never had to deal with complicated situationships or friends who were at odds with one another. Of course, being lonely wasn't always easy and might've caused you a bit of grief, yet, at the end of the day, there's nothing better than peace of mind.
As psychologist Rick Hanson, Ph.D., said, "When you’re at peace — when you are engaged with life while also feeling relatively relaxed, calm, and safe — you are protected from stress, your immune system grows stronger, and you become more resilient."
5. You never ask for help
GaudiLab | Shutterstock
Most people have someone to depend on when life becomes bumpy. Whether it's your parents or your partner, there's almost always someone there who can help you. However, just because you have someone doesn't mean you need their help. This is why if you grew up lonely, you probably have the habit of never asking for help. No, it's not that you are so stubborn you can't acknowledge when you need it.
But unlike everyone else, growing up, you only had yourself to depend on. For better or worse, you could only depend on yourself, which made you fiercely independent. Now an adult, you can comfortably say, "I don't need help," and mean it. Of course, this isn't always good in the long run. After all, everyone needs a little help from time to time. However, if 90% of the time you're good on your own, congrats! You're doing something most people can't do.
6. You learn skills independently
Rodrigo_Sepulveda | Shutterstock
Most people have a few select skills they can confidently say are cool. Whether it's knowing how to sew or juggle, everyone has some skill sets that are either handy or just fun to know. However, if you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have the habit of learning skills independently. Nope, nobody taught you how to play the guitar or how to make delicious homemade bread from scratch.
From trial and error and reading, you've learned how to do most of your skills by yourself. Even if you don't know a skill now, it isn't hard for you to learn. Because you're so self-reliant, it's in your nature to always figure out a way.
7. You prioritize meaningful conversations
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
If there's one thing people love to do, it's chit-chat. Whether it's at a store or with coworkers, people resort to small talk to fill in the empty space and make it less awkward. However, if you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have the habit of prioritizing meaningful conversations. It's not to say they won't engage in small talk, yet, during their own personal time, they much prefer meaningful conversations.
From childhood memories being shared to philosophy, people who grew up kinda lonely can't help but want connection. Yet, they aren't alone in this. According to a study published in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, human beings are social creatures that are wired to seek connection, as connection impacts our health. So, while your friend group may be small, whenever you do get into a conversation with anyone, you always find yourself drawn to those who are just a bit deeper.
8. You set up small personal challenges for yourself
Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock
Lonely people are never in competition with anyone else. Considering they have such a small group of people in their inner circle, they don't want to jeopardize it by allowing their jealousy or insecurity to get the better of them. This is why, if you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have the habit of setting up small personal challenges for yourself. Only wanting to improve, you're always finding a way to push yourself.
Whether it's exercising or waking up early, growing up kinda lonely made you seek purpose outside of the relationships you made with others. This is why you're always working towards self-improvement. Learning from an early age to put yourself first, you push yourself because you understand that those who prioritize themselves almost always win in life.
9. You find ways to turn boredom into creativity
kenchiro168 | Shutterstock
If there's one thing you're good at, it's turning boredom into creativity. Since you were left alone for the majority of your childhood, you had no choice but to entertain yourself. From playing outside by yourself with sticks to making up stories and writing them down, if you grew up kinda lonely, you probably developed this habit. Sure, boredom is hard to get through, and the average person probably can't stand to be bored for long.
Yet, lonely people know how to make the most of it and find joy in the boredom. Maybe it's because they're used to the silence, but boredom doesn't really scare them. Filled with creativity and a sharp mind, you make the most out of any situation.
10. You’re barely on social media
insta_photos | Shutterstock
Let's face it, social media is very exhausting. Everywhere you go, there's either another historical event happening or petty meme posts with even pettier stories plastered everywhere. As most people can imagine, it can be draining from time to time, which is why if you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have the habit of barely being on social media. First of all, there's nobody to keep up with.
If you grew up lonely, you probably didn't make many connections. So, between not wanting drama, not caring for celebrity gossip, and having few friends to keep up with, most people who grow up lonely skip the social media train altogether. And while some may call them boring, according to the American Psychological Association, limiting social media can significantly enhance young adults' mental health. So, in the end, you're pretty much winning in life.
11. You keep your circle small
Pixel-Shot | Shutterstock
Finally, if you grew up kinda lonely, you probably have the habit of keeping your circle small. If you do have friends, they aren't many. With one or two friends you contact daily, everyone else is pretty much white noise at this point. As most people who grow up lonely understand, the more friends someone has, the more drama is bound to happen. Whether it's crying in bathroom stalls or screaming matches, you understand that a few good friends are all you need.
After all, it's not about the quantity of friends you have, but rather the quality. As author and host, Robert Puff, Ph.D., pointed out, "Having solid friendships is important for two main reasons. First, they make life more enjoyable. We get to share the beautiful aspects of life with people whom we love, which can enrich our everyday experiences. Second, our friends help us through the difficult times." So, while some people may flaunt their friend groups on social media, your deep three in the morning conversations matter more than you think they do.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
