People Who Grew Up Around Narcissists Often Say These 11 Phrases Without Realizing It
Sometimes the way someone views themselves is due to how they were treated in the past.
Petrenko Andriy / Shutterstock Growing up around narcissistic people will have a lasting impact on a person. It impacts the way they view themselves and it makes it difficult for them to foster healthy relationships with other people as they get older.
There are many phrases that these people will say that could give others insight into the effects that narcissistic people and parents have on others. Although a person who has been treated poorly by a narcissist may feel a low sense of self-worth, they really are not defined by the people they grew up around. If they are willing to seek professional help, they are capable of overcoming the way they feel about themselves and realizing their full potential.
People who grew up around narcissists often say these 11 phrases without realizing it
1. 'I don't want to be a burden'
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While growing up, if a person was constantly surrounded by narcissists, they may often say that they do not want to be a burden to other people without even realizing it. The narcissists who they grew up around likely made them feel like they were an inconvenience and that if they needed any support, they were just causing a problem for others by asking for help.
This may cause them to develop codependency in their relationships meaning that they will prioritize the feelings of others over their own. It leads their own emotions to being dictated by the way the other person behaves within the relationship. Their mood becomes dependent on the other person and they won’t give themselves the support they need by reaching out because they fear being a burden to anyone.
2. 'I'm not good enough'
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When a person grew up around many narcissistic people, they likely will say things like, “I’m not good enough,” without even realizing it. Especially if they were raised by narcissistic parents, this person will feel like nothing they do increases their self worth.
“Enduring criticism and taking a backseat to a self-centered parent, children of narcissists frequently develop low self-worth. 'I’m not good enough' is their unspoken motto,” explains Newport Institute, healing centers that work to change the lives of those struggling with their mental health. Their parents never made them feel like their needs should be met and their emotions should be validated, leaving them to feel like they are not good enough for support from others.
3. 'It's always my fault'
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A person who is used to being around narcissistic people as they grow up will likely always take the blame for everything, even when it is not their fault. This is a learned survival mechanism that they use to keep the people they are around pleased instead of causing them any negative emotions.
This is also a mechanism to help the person feel a sense of control over certain situations and when dealing with certain kinds of people. Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, a national certified counselor and licensed mental health counselor, said, “Chronic self-blame often starts in childhood. If you grew up with a parent who was emotionally immature, narcissistic, or unpredictable, you may have learned to take the blame just to feel some control.”
This person starts falsely believing that their behavior can keep negative things from happening, so they will blame themselves in hopes that it will make everything be okay.
4. 'I deserve this'
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Growing up around narcissists leaves a person feeling worthless and like they are at fault for all the bad things that may happen to them throughout their life. They start to accept poor treatment from others because of the psychological damage that being around narcissistic people has caused them.
“After experiencing narcissistic abuse, many victims struggle with feeling unworthy or believing that they deserve how the narcissist treated them. You might struggle with low self-esteem and believe that the narcissistic abuser would have treated you better if only you had done things differently,” explains Arlin Cuncic, the author of “The Anxiety Workbook,” and she also has a master’s degree in clinical psychology.
5. 'I can't trust my own judgment'
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If a person grew up around narcissistic people, they likely will have trouble trusting their own judgment. These people may have invalidated the person’s feelings and ideas, making them question themselves.
Many times, it is narcissistic parents who influence their children to struggle with trusting their own judgement as they get older. They usually use a manipulation tactic referred to as gaslighting to invalidate their child’s emotions.
“Gaslighting parents frequently minimize or ignore children’s feelings, making them feel their emotions are unimportant or unworthy of attention. Children may feel entirely disconnected from their feelings because they fail to learn healthy emotional regulation from their parents,” according to ChoosingTherapy, a site that provides individuals with mental health information from experts.
6. 'I'm just being dramatic'
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People who grew up around narcissists were likely emotionally neglected. Due to this, they will probably say that they are reacting dramatically to things as a way to cope with the way they were treated growing up and in order to protect themselves.
Since they were invalidated growing up, they will start to invalidate themselves as a result. Instead of waiting for someone else to judge them and be critical of their emotions or behaviors, they would rather hurt themselves than let others hurt them.
7. 'I'm so sensitive'
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A person who was always around narcissistic people while growing up will likely tell themselves that they are too sensitive. Growing up in an environment where their feelings were always invalidated and they were gaslit into believing that they always took things too personally will cause them to start believing these things about themselves.
“As with other forms of gaslighting, the ‘you're too sensitive’ routine is usually cloaked to hide its real intent and position the narcissist as free of responsibility,” explains Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life.”
Narcissists in a person’s life will try to avoid taking accountability for their actions by making it seem like the person they wronged is just being too sensitive toward their actions. If this behavior is repeated enough, the person will really start believing that when they are wronged it is their fault due to their sensitivity.
8. 'I have to be perfect'
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Someone who grew up around narcissistic people may commonly say that they have to be perfect. They will usually feel that they need to be this way because it is a survival mechanism.
While growing up they likely felt like a target for judgment and criticism. If the people around them constantly made them feel like they were only worthy of love if they behaved a certain way and were practically flawless, they will continue to believe that this is true even into their adulthood.
9. 'I'm always messing things up'
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If while growing up around narcissistic people a person was always blamed for everything, even the things they were not at fault for, they will likely say that they always mess everything up. The blame-shifting they experienced while growing up has made a lasting impact on the way they view themselves.
They will feel self-critical of their every move and be hesitant to do certain things because they fear messing things up. Their low self-esteem and self-doubt will make it hard for them to feel confident in themselves and when things go wrong they will automatically believe it is because of something they did wrong.
10. 'I'm a failure'
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If a person was surrounded by narcissists while growing up they will likely say and believe that they are a failure. Being around narcissistic people while young can be a very impressionable experience that leaves a child feeling terrible about themselves, even as they get older.
“Individuals raised by a narcissistic parent often doubt their own worth, talents, and successes due to consistent belittlement and manipulation during childhood. This fosters imposter syndrome even in adulthood,” said Heather Hayes, a master’s level licensed counselor.
If their parents were narcissistic, they likely are the reason their child developed a belief that they are a failure. This becomes the view they have of themselves even in adulthood and it is really hard for them to not see themselves in this way.
11. 'It's easier if I just do it myself'
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Constantly being around narcissistic people growing up will likely cause a person to say that doing things by themselves is easier than having the help of others. While growing up, they probably were treated poorly when they asked for help or needed the support of others.
Being treated this way while they are younger will follow them into adulthood and shape the way they feel about leaning on others. They may feel like they are expected to carry the weight of everything on their own and should never have to rely on anyone else.
It is important to realize, if you were the victim of narcissistic behavior growing up, that you are not defined by the way those people treated you. Their behavior is more telling about their own characteristics than it is yours.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
