11 Tiny Habits That Let People Know It's Easy To Take Advantage Of You
YuriA | Shutterstock Boundaries are unwritten rules people have in order to protect themselves from the behavior of others, and without them, you'll develop habits that let people know it's easy to take advantage of. When you’re allowing others to cross your boundaries by not reinforcing them, you let them walk all over you, and it has big emotional side effects.
When you permit others to mistreat you, they may exploit your vulnerability, use you for their own gain, and disregard your needs and well-being. That's why it's essential to assert yourself and establish healthy boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of and letting all the users learn that it's easy to let others take advantage of.
11 tiny habits that let people know it's easy to take advantage of you
1. You over-give
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Feeling taken advantage of or put out is a direct result of giving more than you should be reasonably giving. Worse, you do it without letting the other person know what you're expecting in return.
While you may have started this behavior selflessly, over time, you will probably start feeling resentful. And, according to the Drs. Gottman, resentment is a destructive force in relationships.
This habit lets people know that it's easy to take advantage of you because you haven't set any boundaries and you've shown them that you don't value your own time or energy. Even if you become resentful, it won't deter someone who is intent on taking advantage of you, they'll just keep pushing until you snap.
2. You don't feel comfortable saying 'no'
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Not being able to say "no" is a habit that lets people know it's easy to take advantage of you. They know you'll probably say "yes", even when it's not good for you, and then they'll just keep doing it. They won't care if you seem exhausted, if you let out a big sigh when they ask and hope they take the hint. They won't take the hint.
We teach people how to treat us. When you don’t speak up and say "no" and reinforce your boundaries, you’re perpetuating the problem by training them to think that whatever they want you to do is acceptable.
If you think you're being mean or rude when you say "no" you can take comfort in this: Saying "no" when you mean it allows people the best opportunity to treat you well. Good people will take that opportunity to respect you. People who just want to take advantage of you will ignore your "no" or make you feel bad about it.
3. You let yourself get in bad situations
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If you regularly feel like people are crossing the line with you, it's yet another sign that your boundaries aren’t strong or reinforced, and that people aren't respecting you. This is a habit that lets epople know it's easy to take advantage of you.
If you’re allowing people to not adhere to your boundaries, it's a violation. You might not even realize that boundaries are the problem, just that you’re feeling bad since people in your life keep pushing the limit.
When you find yourself in bad situations where you're being taken for granted and your kindness abused, taking a step back and looking at the situation from an outside point of view is the best course of action to take.
4. You blame others
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If you feel like other people are largely responsible for your hurts, it's important to realize that blame and recrimination of others means you either are allowing people to not adhere to your boundaries or they weren't firm in the first place. This creates a mentality of shifting blame and victimhood, which is profoundly disempowering.
Blaming others will get you nowhere if you want overcome feeling walked all over. Instead, once you start taking more responsibility for your part in each situation, it becomes easier to see where you didn’t honor your boundaries.
5. You have trouble expressing your feelings, needs and wants
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It’s common for people with boundary issues to not know exactly what they desire, and this lets people know it's easy to take advantage of you. But being able to express your wants and needs gives you the advantage over people who try to exploit your kindness.
You may stew internally, but by not getting your needs met with clear communication, you’re compounding the problem. Look within and do a bit of searching to figure out why you have trouble verbalizing your needs. Once you've worked on this
6. You try to fix people
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Though you may wish and hope that someone will decide to let you change them, you're likely attracting people who want to take advantage of you and have no interest in changing. When people consistently disappoint you and you keep going back and trying again, it's clear you expect too much from someone who isn’t invested enough to give to you.
This may also be a sign that your needs don't line up with reality, and you aren’t making the hard decisions needed to keep the relationship or friendship afloat. Because you can't expect people to abide by your boundaries or needs if they aren't realistic.
7. You let people monopolize conversations
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If you're expected to be there for your friends or partner, and listen to them without interruption, they should be willing to do the same for you. If they don't and you say nothing, you may look like an easy target for someone to take advantage of.
It's not right for these people in your life to take your support for granted, all while dismissing your problems or not giving you the attention you deserve. This type of one-sided behavior is selfish and unfair in a relationship of any kind.
8. You show up for people who don't show up for you
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When you show up for people who don't show up for you, it's a clear sign you're easy to take advantage of. You might notice that people frequently seek your assistance, but don't want to give anything in return.
Whether it's borrowing money or asking for advice, a healthy relationship or friendship involves a balance of give and take. Both parties support one another and show genuine care.
However, if you find that you're always the one giving, and your friend is taking without reciprocating, it's concerning and is a one-sided relationship. But if you start standing up for yourself to the people taking advantage of you, they'll either step up or show you who they are.
9. You're the back-up plan, and you allow it
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It's a sad sign when you find that you're the second choice and not a priority, but if you allow yourself to be that back-up plan, you'll let people know it's easy to take advantage of you. That's why you need to stand up for yourself.
If your friends or partner would rather hang out with someone else over you, understand that you shouldn't be an option in your relationships; rather, you should be just as important. If you're excluded from an event or chosen over someone else, shut it down immediately. You're not going to settle for being the "back-up."
10. You boundary shift
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Boundary shifting is when you adapt your boundaries to accommodate other people's needs. For example, if you have a boundary that you don't want to stay late at work, but your co-worker frequently asks you to, you change your schedule for them. If you don't, people often get angry.
When you change or remove a boundary altogether just because your friend or partner doesn't like it, this isn't healthy. Your boundaries are set by you alone in order to protect yourself, not to people-please others.
11. You tip-toe around touchy people
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Everyone gets grumpy sometimes, but people who are testing to see if you're easy to take advantage of will push that boundary as far as they can to see how far you'll let it go. As a result, you will find yourself tip-toeing around this touchy person, which is not healthy for anyone.
At first, you may think you're just being thoughtful and sensitive by not upsetting the person. over time, you will likely find yourself doing it so they don't snap at you or start a fight (and then blame you for it). If this is happening, it's time to cut your losses. This person is taking advantage of you.
In a healthy relationship or friendship, you could raise the issue and explain that you feel like you're walking on eggshells, and that you need to stop. It will likely be uncomfortable at first, but kind people will do their best to understand and solve the problem. Everyone else will leave or get angry, and that's a sign they just wanted to take advantage of your kindness.
If you’re experiencing these things, it’s time to examine the behavior you’ve continued to allow.
You can either continue to be the victim, or you can institute consequences when you start to feel like you’re not getting your needs met. It's best to choose the latter.
Elizabeth Stone is a love coach and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self. Her work has been featured in Zoosk, PopSugar, The Good Men Project, Bustle, Ravishly, SheKnows, Mind’s Journal, and more.
