Genuinely Classy Women Almost Always Use These 11 Phrases When Someone Triggers Them
Vergani Fotografia | Shutterstock Dealing with intense emotions can be difficult, especially when something pushes your buttons. Marriage therapist Jennifer Litner argues there are several different paths emotionally triggered people can follow to cope with uncomfortable situations. Genuinely classy women almost always use a few reliable phrases when someone triggers them. This helps them and the person who is activating them.
The reason these responses tend to come from people who are classy is because they show care for themselves by responding in such an emotionally healthy manner. These responses also help cultivate healthy relationships by not creating a massive tear any time a woman finds herself triggered by something innocuous her partner may say or do. Of course, there are cases when the triggers are due to things that are not innocuous, and these phrases can help in those circumstances, too.
Genuinely classy women almost always use these 11 phrases when someone triggers them
1. ‘I’m not looking for solutions, just to be heard and understood right now.’
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According to psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen, unprompted advice can elicit feelings of shame and judgment in situations where someone is just looking to vent or share an experience. When these classy women are just sharing their emotions and vulnerabilities, the last thing they need is to have them feel dismissed or minimized by “a solution.”
While unprompted advice is often presented with no malicious or narcissistic intent, it’s best to wait for someone to ask, “What should I do?” or “Do you have any advice?” before jumping into a self-assured savior mindset and presenting solutions. Strong, classy women will stand up for themselves, regardless of the answer.
2. 'I don't tolerate this type of behavior.'
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Therapist Susan J. Elliott argues that boundaries help protect one's emotional well-being and the longevity and health of one's relationships. When one sets clear boundaries with everyone in one's life, the unhealthy people will slowly be weeded out, empowering one to continue growing a supportive inner circle.
When you’re faced with an emotionally triggering person that you don’t know well or don’t have a relationship with, you can still rely on those personal boundaries you’ve crafted, essentially saying, “No, I won’t tolerate this kind of behavior. I’m taking a step back or removing myself from this situation.”
3. ‘This conversation isn’t productive for me’
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Many women, informed by societal pressures to "keep the peace” and always consider others' needs before their own, don’t feel empowered to separate themselves from uncomfortable situations or people, even when they're being harmed. They're told it's not nice to disappoint or upset others, and this often comes at great detriment to their well-being.
Cleveland Clinic calls it 'Good Girl Syndrome' and warns that it is a habit that we should try to break. That means women can start trying to pry themselves away from what’s expected of them in conversations and interactions, and start prioritizing themselves, no matter how uncomfortable. At the very least, they make space to reflect on how they could better put themselves first, make space for their emotions, and heal after an emotionally triggering experience.
4. 'I'm going to step away from this conversation for a minute'
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You’re not being rude for ending a conversation. You’re not being selfish by taking the space you need to protect your energy. That’s precisely why phrases like “I need space” or “I'm going to step away from this conversation” are a few of the classy ways women respond to emotionally triggering people: they separate themselves.
It’s not always going to be easy. You might experience pushback or judgment for leaving an unproductive or unhealthy conversation. Still, if you hope to build a better relationship with someone, they’ll learn to respect that much-needed space.
5. 'I am going to take some space from this friendship'
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Of course, if someone doesn’t respect your need for space during a conversation, you have every right to get distance from them. Genuinely classy women don't play games or manipulate a situation that feels unhealthy, they simply state what they need and want, which is why "I am going to take some space from this relationship" works so well. Even better? Tell them how much space. A month? A few days? And then let them know that when you're ready to talk, you will reach out.
Like physician and mental health writer Kristen Fuller writes, making an informed decision to cut off a relationship and then truly sticking to that decision is the hallmark of a healthy person. They’ll express their emotions, work to evolve, and leave anyone who’s unproductive or toxic behind.
6. 'I need to do some work around this issue'
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When a genuinely classy woman feels triggered, she knows that she needs to pause and figure out what is bothering her. While mindfulness practices like journaling and meditation may seem silly to some people, they’ve been proven to transform the lives and emotional well-being of most people who make them into a regular practice. The best part? It's work you can do on your own to help you resolve an issue inside yourself.
The University of Rochester Medical Center argues that journaling helps you control the symptoms of an emotionally triggering person or experience and improve your mood. This empowers you to keep classy and not lash out until you know what's really happening inside of yourself.
You do not only vent, getting all your niche worries and anxieties out of your head but journaling also helps reduce stress and create solutions for problems in your life. You can look at your life more objectively, especially when looking back through previous entries and experiences.
7. ‘I need time to sit with my emotions’
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Conflicts and disagreements can erupt quickly between people who care about each other, and our emotions heighten even more rapidly when we feel triggered. Genuinely classy women know it’s best to create space after an emotionally triggering event like this, giving everyone time to unpack their feelings and figure out how to move forward.
Feeling overwhelmed by complex emotions isn’t the mindset you need in order resolve an issue or move forward healthily. Even if you need to sit with your feelings in the presence of the person who is triggering you, like on a car ride or in an airplane, it's OK to ask for that space to process. In fact, it's a responsible choice if it keeps you from shouting or being unnecessarily unkind.
8. 'I think this is triggering an old story for me'
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It can be difficult to respond directly to a person who emotionally triggers you. Still, high-value women take the time to understand why someone’s behavior was triggering so they have a foundation for future interactions.
This reflection can look different for everyone — some journal, others rely on support from friends, and some sit with their emotions for some time to learn.
Therapist John Kim suggests that people ask themselves, “Why did this trigger me?” or “What past experiences or beliefs might be influencing my reaction?” to get to the root of emotional triggers. You can figure out the best way to heal from these triggers and investigate the underlying causes and patterns behind them.
9. 'I don't want to put my feelings where they may not belong'
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According to therapist David Richo, many people struggle to separate themselves from people who emotionally trigger them because they don't know where to draw the line between "my old issues" and "something you're doing to me right now." With unresolved trauma or unmet emotional needs, they manifest triggers in interactions with others, making them impossible to avoid.
Genuinely classy women take the time to investigate the root of these triggers, responding to people who might inflict intense internal emotions with their own emotions rather than projecting anger and frustration on others. They understand that making their experience entirely about other people removes their power to control their responses.
While it may feel empowering in the moment to shout and make a scene when triggered, giving away your power to the old story that is being triggered is actually doing the opposite. Telling someone that you want to figure out whether your reactions belong in the moment or in the past is taking accountability for your feelings, and if it turns out the other person is doing something unkind to you, you can bring it up in a calm way and know that you are staying in the moment instead of reacting from the past.
10. ‘I’m struggling to respond in a healthy way’
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Sometimes we all need an an excuse to exit a conversation, and this phrase used by genuinely classy women when someone triggers them is useful for anyone. For people who are feeling their buttons being pushed, it's a great way to avoid lashing out and getting some space.
After all, when you're feeling triggered, it might not be the other person’s “fault” or a symptom of your relationship, but rather something from your past. So listen to that instinct, use this phrase and simply be honest. After all, classy women prioritize reflecting and returning to a conversation when feeling more grounded and struggling with empathy or compassion.
11. 'I want to be clear, is this what you meant to say?'
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When someone says something that seems excessively thoughtless or unkind, it can be helpful to pause and ask for clarity. Take a breath and say, "I want to make sure I understand, is this what you meant to say?" and share what you heard them say. If it was cruel, they will likely see this and hopefully take an opportunity to clarify and maybe even apologize.
By simply restating someone’s hurtful words back to them, classy women can flip the script on a toxic conversation and spark much-needed introspection in a blatantly malicious person. By saying their triggers out loud and explaining how they’re feeling, they may help clear up misunderstandings and set boundaries in the heat of the moment.
According to best-selling author Dave Kerpen, this concept of “mirroring” helps respond to emotionally triggering people and perfect the art of active listening. You can engage other people and make them feel heard when you repeat and reflect on what they’re saying—sometimes, it leads to an open, healing conversation, and other times, it might remind you why intentional space is important.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango who focuses on health and wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.
