If Your Partner Does These 7 Things Even When You Fight, Their Love For You Goes Deep
Getty Images | Unsplash Someone who really loves you knows what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, how hard you are to handle. But they still want you in their life, even when you're angry and forget how to communicate. And it's nearly impossible to feel love in the middle of a knock-down, drag-out fight.
Your relationship happiness is nowhere to be found when you’re mad, so let’s not set up unrealistic expectations. Instead, research made it clear how honing communication skills helps them find ways to get through quarrels more lovingly. If your partner keeps doing these seven things when you're not getting along, it's a powerful sign their love for you runs deeper than momentary frustration.
If your partner does these 7 things even when you fight, their love for you goes deep:
1. They take a minute to give a minute
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You can’t move forward as a couple when either person is having a fit. Take a quick walk, go to another room, or do whatever it takes to settle down. Stop and think before you speak because sometimes you can’t take it back — your relationship is too important to risk that.
When we’re stressed, we hyperventilate or over-breathe, which can cause symptoms that can make us feel panicked, according to research. Remember, the goal is to come to some agreement with your loved one. Pay attention and slow yourself down, take some deep breaths, and relax during your discussion.
2. They sleep on it
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Sometimes one or both of you just need a break from the discussion. One of the most loving things you can do is allow the other some time to process or even sleep on it. If you never go to bed angry, just agree that you’ll refresh and discuss it later. It takes a very strong person to let it go for the moment. But remember: you’re in love, and that’s what matters most. Tomorrow will come soon enough. Rest well in knowing that a resolution will come.
3. They refrain from saying, 'I love you, but...'
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Saying "I love you" during an argument can be a great way to remind your partner that your love is much bigger than a fight. However, you must keep your “but” out of the way. So if you’re going to say it, just say it. For example, instead of saying, "I love you, but you need to change your ways," try, "I love you, and I’d like to figure out a schedule that will work better for you and me."
Relationship expert Dr. Margaret Paul explained, "When you and your partner truly intend to learn about yourselves and each other, you can explore why what you want is important to you and why what your partner wants is important to them. As you open up to yourselves and each other, the learning process will likely change you. What you come up with may differ greatly from what you started with."
4. They say sorry for their part in the fight
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There’s no better way to defuse negative intensity than admitting when you’re wrong. There are two sides to every story, and most situations are not one person’s fault. So saying you’re sorry for your part of it will enhance trust and calmness between the two of you. Doing this first will really show how much you care about your significant other. It may even resolve the situation much quicker, as both of your guards will come down.
"The ability to apologize effectively and with appropriate emotion is vital for healthy relationships and conflict resolution," explained relationship coaches Drs. Debbie and David McFadden. Secure attachment fosters this capacity through individuals' strengths in empathy, emotional regulation, and willingness to take responsibility and seek repair."
5. They keep their ego on lock
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Your loved ones want you to be your authentic self. It’s so easy to get defensive and mean, even if that’s not what you originally intended to do. Commit to listening without thinking ahead. Tell your loved one you understand their points and come to some common ground as quickly as possible. Figure out where you both agree, and go from there.
Psychotherapist Joan E. Childs explained that, "Conflict resolution is a skill to be learned, practiced, and adapted to the person, situation, time, and place. It takes courage and foresight to be the person who can take the first step in de-escalating the evocative emotions of conflict. The first step is done inside themselves by regulating their reactions so they can respond in ways to seek solutions rather than amplify the problem."
6. They're touchy-feely in a good way
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I love this advice from blogger Megan Finley: "Show your loved one a physical sign that you still love them, especially during a disagreement." Come up with this together ahead of time, and agree that you will show it to each other during good and bad times. It reminds both of you that love conquers all, even a nasty old fight. One study even found that physical touch creates changes in physiological states within people, which allow for more empathy and increased bonding between couples.
7. They check in just because
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Send a text message with kind words to show your love, even during times of turmoil. Don’t oversay it because the last thing you want to give is a mixed message. Keep it simple: "I adore you" or "You mean everything to me." Don’t start begging for forgiveness or making your points via text. This will bring the tiff back up and, even worse, things get heated up again over the phone. It’s important to be in person as often as possible to hear the tone of voice, see facial expressions, and be present for emotions.
It’s not easy being loving when you’re mad. After all, anger is one of the strongest human emotions on the planet. Can you let love shine even when it rains on your relationships? The true test is how you treat your loved ones during the storm.
Lori Peters is a dating coach, radio show host, writer, and speaker on happiness and well-being. Her passion is to help others create more happiness in their loving relationships.
