If You've Found A Truly Good Man, He'll Never Say These 11 Hurtful Phrases
A good man knows that the key to a happy relationship is choosing his words carefully when it matters most.
fizkes / Shutterstock Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, but when a man's words start to feel like knives, the relationship outlook may not be what you were hoping for. A good man will never want to tear you down or make you feel small, and if you've found a truly good man, he'll never say hurtful phrases that do just that.
You can tell the difference between someone who truly values you and wants to keep you in their life and someone who doesn’t by how they communicate when emotions run high. If they turn into someone you don’t recognize when discussing something that bothers you, it will only get worse the more you try to endure it.
If you've found a truly good man, he'll never say these 11 hurtful phrases
1. 'You're so annoying'
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A truly good man would never call you annoying, especially if you're just trying to be yourself around him. If small things about you start to irritate a man, imagine what would happen when you attempt to have a serious conversation with him. When it comes to men who try to bring you down just for being yourself, you're better off on your own.
Don't think for even a second that he may be right, that you are annoying. He's either not in love with you or he's trying to wave off whatever you just told him so that he doesn't have to deal with it, and either option shows that this sort of man still needs to grow up.
2. 'I'm sorry that you feel that way'
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This is a typical line for a man who has never taken responsibility for his own actions. A truly good man will take the time to understand your side of things when you bring up something that rubbed you the wrong way. Saying this phrase is like basically saying it's the other person's fault and that you did nothing wrong.
Even if a man may not agree with you on something, it's always important to show that they care about your emotions and that they are actively trying to be a better person for you.
According to Dr. Vernita Perkins and Dr. Leonard A. Jason, when someone pulls out this phrase while also trying to avoid an argument, they are gaslighting. They note that, "The premise behind them is to deflect, pretend to apologize, and ultimately win the disagreement merely by placing blame back on the individual or group making the initial concern."
3. 'You're overreacting'
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A man who says this hurtful phrase not only makes you feel small for talking about your feelings, but they also have probably never let their own emotions surface. You should never let anyone make you feel bad for showing emotion when you talk about something difficult. Even if you aren't the type to cry, if something is causing you to react with intensified emotions or tone, then it's a sign that you shouldn't just sweep the problem under the rug.
A truly good man would want to sit down with you and understand where your intense emotions are coming from and what he can do to help you simmer down. When you're in a relationship, it's a great benefit to have someone serve as a rock in your arguments. When your moods are swinging, no matter who it is, the other person should try to anchor them and then have a balanced conversation about what's going on.
4. 'You're acting like a child'
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A truly good man would never diminish your actions to those of a child. There are many other ways to comment on someone's actions without tearing them down. Saying a hurtful phrase such as this one can also shift the focus of the conversation, which ends up leaving the initial problem in the dark.
When someone lashes out like this, it may also be due to outside factors, but that does not excuse their behavior towards you. They may also have low self-esteem, and their initial reaction is to sabotage the relationship, allowing them to later look back and prove to themselves that it was never going to work out.
According to Taylor Lorenz from the University of North Dakota, "People often unknowingly commit acts of self-sabotage in their romantic relationships, which can manifest in the form of defensiveness, difficulty trusting, and lack of relationship skills."
5. 'I've never had to deal with this before'
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A good man won't compare his current relationship to others. Everyone has different needs and wants, and it's important to try and understand them. Remember that comparison is the thief of joy.
Instead of trying to compare arguments or relationships, they need to first understand you and what you're asking of them. Saying this phrase can only lead to overthinking, riddled with negative feelings.
6. 'Why do you always make things such a big deal?'
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A truly good man will never be afraid to tackle even the biggest problems in his relationship. If a man hears something from their significant other that they view as a big deal, and yet he hasn't even given it a thought, it should make them wonder if they are viewing situations differently.
Having an honest chat about what the other person prioritizes should be done within the first stages of a relationship, along with setting boundaries. Then, he'll know why you had strong feelings about him doing something that you're not used to or uncomfortable with.
7. 'You're being too needy'
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Hearing someone say this hurtful phrase to you when you're expressing a want or need in a relationship can cause a strain. Everyone should be able to tell their partner what they need from them without having the fear of being rejected or ridiculed. This is also a conversation that should be held when the relationship is just starting, so that comments like these don't surface when you're six months deep.
You might need more reassurance or affection than others, and that's completely okay to vocalize. Sometimes realizing that he isn't able to provide that to you is the first step to finding someone else who is.
8. 'I'm not apologizing for that'
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A good man will always push to find a solution to an argument, even if it's apologizing for something he didn't realize had such a big impact on you, to the point where an apology makes all the difference. Everyone always makes choices and says things without giving it a second thought, and oftentimes it can upset someone around you.
When he's able to acknowledge that and is willing to understand why it hurt you, he demonstrates emotional maturity. When he learns that what he said or did had a negative impact on you, he will think twice next time and have that conversation at the forefront of his mind.
"It hurts to hurt someone. When we wound another person without meaning to, whether those wounds are emotional or physical, we feel wounded as well," says social psychologist Maryann Jacobi Gray. "Psychologists and clergy use the term “moral injury” to describe the distress that we feel when our behavior fails to live up to our moral standards."
9. 'You're imagining things'
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Few things hurt more than being told that what you're feeling or seeing isn't real. A truly good man would never tell you that you're imagining things, especially if you have any suspicions of disloyalty.
It's not uncommon to have a feeling that something fishy is happening when he says something that doesn't add up, or he doesn't come back home until late at night. If a man's first instinct is to get defensive when questioned, it can only lead to more problems and add to the suspicion.
10. 'You should be grateful I'm with you'
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This is an extremely hurtful phrase that a good man would never even think about saying. It implies that he is doing you a favor by being in a relationship with you and that other people wouldn't want to be with you. This can heavily impact someone's self-esteem and make them feel unworthy of anyone else's love, leading to a toxic relationship.
Being grateful you're with someone is different than someone telling you that you should be grateful for being with them. On one hand, you're happy and in love with your partner, and they more than likely feel the same way. On the other hand, your partner is expecting you to be happy with them since you wouldn't be with anyone else, forcing you to settle. This phrase can also be used as a psychological manipulation, which can lead to a distortion in their reality.
11. 'That's your problem, not mine'
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A good man will always want to help out their significant other, even if it means having to do things that they don't want to. In a partnership, you should always be able to feel supported in any endeavor you make. This doesn't necessarily mean that your problems are his problems, but he should be able to alleviate some of the stress from them.
When a man shows up for his partner and lets them know that he can be that person who helps you unwind, it creates a safe space between the two, which can ultimately help the relationship when there are heavy topics to talk about. Finding someone who is patient and mature enough to engage in conversations without unnecessary outbursts or hurtful phrases can be challenging.
Doreen Albuerne is a writer with a bachelor's degree in journalism who covers relationships, mental health, and lifestyle topics.
