I Was A Former Beauty Pageant Queen And These 7 Lessons Stayed With Me Long After The Crown Came Off
Teodora Popa | Unsplash Lipstick, butt glue, and evening gown: ah, those were the days of the glitz and glam in the world of beauty pageants. Many former Misses, myself included, attribute their professional and personal success to beauty pageants.
But what about success in other areas of life, like love? Interestingly, the two things aren't that different: beauty pageants and dating both include competing with other women, being your best self, and knowing how to talk to people.
So if the two things are so similar, could you learn how to get a guy to like you by applying one to the other? Yes! But instead of following your conventional dating advice, here are seven things you can learn about finding love and a relationship from the world of tiaras and sashes.
I was a former beauty pageant queen, and these lessons stayed with me long after the crown came off:
1. It's about the total package
In my day (circa 1990 to 2004), the most beautiful girl usually didn't win; the woman who was best all-around did. If a woman had grace, great speaking ability, style, talent, beauty, and personality, she would take home the crown.
The same is true when it comes to guys: unless a man is weighing one "area of competition", such as physical beauty, higher than others. If that's the case, he's definitely more of a Miss USA judge, which focuses mostly on beauty and physical appeal, than a Miss America judge, which places greater emphasis on talent and being a well-rounded woman.
2. Win the interview, win the pageant
It's a long-rumored theory that if a girl has the strongest interview in the group, all of a sudden, the judges will like everything else about her. Meaning, if you win a guy over with your personality, a guy will be more likely to fall in love with everything else you have to offer, too. But beware the dark horse: unsuspected competition. This can be a female's best friend, or someone who you might never have thought was even his type.
Neuroscientist Dr. Lucy Brown and the late biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher confirmed, "First impressions do matter, and attractiveness counts for a lot, but what we register as attractive goes deeper than physical features once you start talking to someone."
3. It never hurts to be Miss Congeniality
Don't get me wrong: there are a lot of jerks out there who make being nice very difficult in ugly situations. But, in my experience, the moment you get messy, men try to switch the situation around on you, even if they're the catalyst (read: confront a guy about not solidifying date plans, and now you're "crazy").
So while there's no Miss Congeniality Award in real life, picking and choosing your battles goes a long way in relationships. Even when you do choose to argue, the way you handle it shapes what happens next. "When you learn how to argue fruitfully, you can really gain emotional and spiritual insight into what took place, making it less likely you are to repeat the fight," explained relationship coach Linda Salazar.
4. Enhancements are your friend
Fatma Sarıgül / Unsplash+
Wigs, weaves, and fake eyelashes are all staples in the pageant world. And I'm here to tell you that they're fine in the dating world, too. Though you'll eventually get to a place where he'll expect to see you au naturale, there's nothing wrong with adding extensions, padded bras, wearing Spanx, and sprucing yourself up a bit for a first impression.
Just a word of advice: don't use packaging tape to hold down your tummy if you're on an actual date or use the infamous "butt glue" designed to keep your swimsuit in place at an actual beach. Those things are strictly for special events when you'll be going home alone.
5. Confidence is clutch
Not even the most beautiful of beauty queens is always perfect, but they shine the most when they feel confident. Why? Because confidence wins pageants, and it also keeps you healthy in relationships. A confident woman won't settle for an ugly gown or a man who doesn't treat her well. She will always go for the absolute best.
Confidence is what allows a woman to hold out for someone who actually meets her where she's currently at. Marriage and family therapist William Meleney noted that "the wise, confident beauty will let her suspicions take the lead while still figuring out if the guy she's into will be an exception. It won't take long for him to demonstrate if he's interested in who she is and not just her beauty."
6. When in doubt, glitz it out
Worried about what to wear on a date? In the pageant world, being a little overdressed is always better than being underdressed. Do you want to go to a gala wearing a short dress when everyone else is wearing elegant gowns? No, you don't, which is exactly why I always have at least two ready-to-wear date dresses in my former-pageant-girl closet.
7. Above all, be a good sport
No one likes a sore loser, whether they've been passed up for a crown or a man. If a gentleman chooses not to date you, don't be an ugly, sore loser. Accept that first runner-up trophy with grace because there's always another pageant (err ... man) next week anyway.
The way we handle rejection often says more about our self-worth than about the person who walked away. Life coach Caroline Maguire explained that "the fear of rejection is hard-wired into us. We are wired to seek connection and acceptance to survive, so when rejection happens, we feel an immediate emotional sting. The trick is to not let that sting define how you see yourself or how you show up next time."
Elle Ellison is a YourTango contributor who writes about her experience with love and heartbreak.
