If Someone Is Secretly Embarrassed About Their Life, They Usually Use These 11 Phrases
Alexander_Evgenyevich / Shutterstock We’ve all heard the saying that comparison is the thief of joy. When we’re surrounded by people constantly sharing their success, whether it’s in person or on social media, it’s hard to be proud of ourselves. It’s crucial to remember that most people only share the positive in their lives, not the full truth. For many of us, we forget that. We think people are perfect and look down on ourselves for not being the same.
It’s easy to portray perfection. The reality is that it is not obtainable. Everyone makes mistakes and struggles along the way. Those who appear perfect are only showing one side of their lives to the public. The reality is that by portraying themselves as wildly successful, they can make others feel embarrassed about their own lives because they do not compare. Someone who is secretly embarrassed about their life does not think they add up to the success of others. Instead of embracing their victories, they will hide them. They do not want to be vulnerable because they are afraid of how they compare to other people.
If someone is secretly embarrassed about their life, they usually use these 11 phrases
1. 'It's complicated'
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Someone who is secretly embarrassed by their life tries to defend their choices, even when they are not being judged. They are worried that everyone is looking down on them. Instead of sharing what’s going on in their lives, they will avoid having conversations about themselves. Instead, they’ll use phrases like "It’s complicated" when explaining their personal lives.
They likely lack the self-esteem to see the positive impact on their lives. They feel shame about who they are. Whether they made a mistake or are simply trying to protect their egos, this phrase is a way to avoid having a difficult conversation. They do not want to be judged for what they’ve done. Instead, they’ll say something like "It’s complicated" as a way to blow off how they feel embarrassed about their lives.
2. ‘I’ve just been busy’
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If someone is embarrassed by their life, they may want to distance themselves from others because they are worried about how they might be perceived for their choices. To avoid having to explain what’s going on in their lives, they’ll cut their friends off. You’ll notice their texts become few and far between. When you ask them to hang out, they always have an excuse.
One of the easiest excuses they can use is that they’ve just been busy. Though they won’t get into specifics, they’ll say they have a lot going on in their lives. They do not want to share the reality of what’s going on behind closed doors because they are embarrassed by it. Instead, they’ll lean into the phrase "I’ve just been busy" to avoid spending time with the people who care about them. They could also be busy as a way to distract themselves from their feelings.
3. ‘I’m still working on it’
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Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Some people compare themselves to others so often that they will not understand why they cannot achieve the same things they do. As an excuse for their embarrassment, they’ll say the phrase "I’m still working on it." They are trying to tell people around them that they are on the verge of accomplishing something great, when in reality, they probably are not, which leaves them embarrassed about their lives.
They could also use this phrase when working on a project they are not proud of. Saying they are still working on it takes the pressure off them. In reality, they are embarrassed about their life and their work. However, if they play it off as a work in progress, they believe people will offer them kinder commentary. They could be seeking attention or reassurance.
4. 'It's not that big of a deal'
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Believe it or not, some people may be embarrassed talking about their successes. They could be dealing with imposter syndrome, which makes them feel like a fraud. Even though they are good at what they do, they may doubt themselves and believe they do not deserve their success. It will make them embarrassed to share details of their lives with others because they do not think they rightfully earned their achievements.
"Not only can imposter syndrome affect your internal feelings about your work or self-worth, but it can also actually affect the way you approach projects, relationships, or any other areas in which you are feeling insecure," explains Hannah Owens, LMSW, for Verywell Mind. "This essentially creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, which is what makes it so insidious and necessary to address when it arises."
5. ‘I’m fine, I promise’
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We have all experienced someone telling us that they are fine and they don’t want to go any deeper. I know I have been that person. Sometimes, when I feel embarrassed about the state of my life, I’ll avoid having a deep conversation with someone because I don’t want them to know. It’s easier to say you are fine and move on to talking about them.
Saying we are fine when we don’t mean it is common. Maybe someone is going through a difficult period at work or is in the midst of a breakup. They are too uncomfortable about where they are in life to share more details. They don’t want to be judged or shamed. Instead, they will simply say they are fine and move on with the conversation.
6. ‘I’m still figuring things out’
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Picture this. You’re talking to your friend who has it all figured out. She is successful at work, has a beautiful and healthy relationship, and always seems to have it all figured out. While you are her friend, it’s intimidating to be open about your life to her because you think yours just doesn’t add up.
When you talk to this person about your life, you may make claims like, "I’m still figuring things out." When you’re still trying to decide where you want your life to go, and you're comparing yourself to someone else, this phrase can be used to hide your embarrassment. It’s okay to still be figuring out where your life is going. However, some people may struggle when they are comparing themselves to others, wrecking their self-esteem along the way.
7. ‘I’m taking a break’
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Setting goals has been shown to improve performance. Sharing your goals with others allows you to hold yourself accountable. What happens when you fail to reach them by a certain timeframe? Of course, that’s more than okay. Life changes quickly, and some goals are more attainable than others.
If you’re embarrassed by your life, you may make excuses for why you haven’t reached the point you set out to be at by now. Saying the phrase, "I’m taking a break," can be a way to hide your embarrassment and make it seem like those feelings are on your own terms. Whether this is an excuse or not, it’s important not to put too much pressure on yourself when goal-setting. There is no timeline for change. It can feel difficult to share that with others when it brings embarrassment to your life.
8. ‘I don’t really care about that stuff’
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You’ll often find yourself in a conversation with someone about their accomplishments. They’ve just reached the highest rank in their career, or they are getting married to the love of their life. These are exciting life moments. However, it can be hard to celebrate others when you feel embarrassed about your own life. Someone dealing with this embarrassment may find themselves irritated by the success of others.
Instead of joining in on the celebration, they’ll instantly begin comparing that person’s accomplishments with their own. They will feel inadequate, and that will embarrass them. Instead of providing support, they might say, "I don’t really care about that stuff," to avoid talking about their own lives. In reality, they may be ashamed of where they are in life.
9. ‘It’s whatever’
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When someone wants to hide their embarrassment, they will say phrases like "It’s whatever." They want to keep the details of their lives to themselves. Maybe they truly don't care about achieving more. Or they may care too much, and playing it off like they do not is the easiest way to do it.
If someone asks them about what they’re up to, they won’t want to have that conversation. Whether they are embarrassed by their lack of success or their stagnant work experience, it can be hard for people to open up about where they are in life. When they are asked how they are doing, they’ll blow it off by pretending they don’t care. They’ll say, "It’s whatever," in hopes that the person they are talking to will not press more.
10. ‘I don’t want to talk about it’
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If someone is a good friend, they will want to talk to you about what is going on in your life. They want to make sure you are doing well. However, it’s not always easy to be open about these things. I know I have been there. If I’m going through an embarrassing moment in my life where I feel ashamed, I will tell the people in my life that I don’t want to talk about it. It’s a useful phrase to use because when someone respects you, they will usually respect that.
When someone is embarrassed about their life, they will be afraid of what others think, even if they are people who love and respect them. It’s hard not to worry about what others will think of you. Instead of having an open conversation, someone may blow it off by saying they don’t want to talk about the details of their current situation.
11. ‘I’m just tired’
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Society expects us to be moving at a mile a minute. The idea of hustle culture puts too much on us to always be moving. More likely than not, many of the people in your life subscribe to this ideology, whether they want to or not. When someone is embarrassed about what they feel to be a lack of productivity in their lives, they will tell people that they are simply tired, which is why they haven’t done more.
I deal with a chronic illness that slows me down at times. When I feel like I am not productive enough, I feel deeply ashamed. I’ll be embarrassed about how little I got done in a day. Telling people that I was just tired is the easiest way to explain it all away. Even if that answer still feels embarrassing.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
