If Your Body Feels Anxious Around A Specific Person, It's Probably For One Of These 10 Reasons
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Even when we don't yet have the self-trust to notice our gut instincts, our body and gut always send messages and signs. So, if your body feels anxious around a specific person and you don't know why, it's probably for one of these reasons that you have yet to discover.
While gut instincts can sometimes be another form of anxiety for someone who's stuck in "fight or flight" mode, sometimes that feeling of nervousness is actually a reflection of the people and environments around us, rather than just ourselves.
If your body feels anxious around a specific person and you don't know why, it's probably for one of these 10 reasons
1. They're unpredictable and impulsive
Perfect Wave | Shutterstock
According to a study from Nature Communications, we're "hardwired" to be afraid of uncertainty and to avoid unpredictable situations. Whether it's being around an impulsive person who makes hasty decisions or facing challenges and discomfort around change, we prefer to feel safe and secure.
If someone acts in unpredictable ways and sabotages the safety we often seek from relationships and social interactions, our gut instincts and anxiety may warn us that they're not the right people to be draining our energy for.
2. They remind you of someone toxic
Even if you're healed from past trauma or a toxic relationship, if someone reminds you of the person who hurt you, it can be much more difficult to avoid the gut reactions that follow. Whether it's a partner who operates like a toxic parent or noticing a behavior that snaps you back to a difficult time in your life, if your body feels anxious around these people, they might be bringing up old trauma.
While you might not be consciously aware of it or even able to verbalize it, your gut instincts, nervous system, and general anxiety will warn you when they feel a potential threat, even if it's just a similarity to a situation that hurt you before.
3. You feel like a 'therapist' with them
If you're the "therapist" friend in a social circle or friendship, it might be difficult to notice when your needs are going unmet. Especially if showing up and supporting others is your love language, it can be easy to overlook the consequences of a one-sided relationship.
However, if you're being taken advantage of or not being appreciated for your effort with some form of reciprocity, your nervous system and gut instincts will tell a different story.
4. They don't reciprocate effort
Especially for truly empathetic, kind-hearted people, putting effort into relationships and supporting the people they love rarely comes with any expectation. It doesn't have to be transactional in any sense for them to feel motivated enough to put in effort.
However, if they're consistently putting effort, time, and emotions into someone who never reciprocates, they're likely to feel more drained and isolated over time. When they're around this person, subtle gut instincts like anxiety or nervousness could be "red flags" they're not being respected or appreciated. Don't ignore them.
5. They distort your reality
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Gaslighters psychologically manipulate their victims by distorting their realities and sparking self-doubt. Even if it's problematic and incredibly influential on a person's well-being, gaslighting behaviors can be relatively subtle and unsuspecting, hidden in phrases like "you sound crazy."
So, if your body is warning you with anxiety around someone who always makes you feel more doubtful and less secure, there's a chance you're just not noticing the gaslighting behaviors at play. You may feel like you have to walk on eggshells or choose words carefully, but the gaslighting behaviors prompting these attitudes are even more harmful.
6. They never put you first
If your body feels uncertain and anxious around someone over and over again, it might be because they never put you first. Of course, relationships are all about balance and reciprocal effort, but if you regularly put in effort to make someone feel valued, but never receive it in return, you're going to end up exhausted and drained.
Even if it's something as casual as changing their personality or "throwing you under the bus" when something better comes along, their inability to make you feel seen, valued, and safe can quickly cause your nervous system to go into fight or flight.
7. They overstep your boundaries
Whether it's disrespectful language or someone who consistently disrespects your time by canceling at the last minute, someone who oversteps your boundaries over and over again doesn't care about you. They may try to come up with a million excuses or justifications for their behavior, but if they continue to overstep your clearly stated boundaries, their intentions are obvious.
If you continue to allow them to come back into your life and sabotage your own well-being, your nervous system won't forget the evidence that they don't care. In fact, you'll likely only feel more anxious, unheard, and resentful in their presence by allowing them constant access.
8. They bring you back to a toxic version of yourself
While people who remind us of our trauma or act similarly to someone who was a toxic influence on our lives can cause unexpected tension, if they cause us to regress into a past version of ourselves, it can be equally dangerous.
Many adult children experience this kind of regression around toxic parents or in their childhood homes. Despite all the work and healing they've done, they still find themselves acting, feeling, and behaving in less productive ways, much like their younger selves.
9. You feel pressured to be inauthentic
we.bond.creations | Shutterstock
Authenticity is an experience that takes time to cultivate internally, but once you start living without worrying about other people's judgments or perceptions, it's freeing. You find a safe space in yourself that adds value to every aspect of your life.
So, if you notice you feel anxious around certain people and receive warning signs from your gut that something isn't right in a social setting, there's a chance they're pressuring you to change. They don't value your authenticity, but instead pressure you to be someone you're not, often for their own self-image, insecurity, or ego.
10. They bring out the worst in you
Whether it's a manipulative person, a selfish friend, or someone who's always jealous of you, if someone brings out the worst in you, your nervous system and gut will always urge you to run the other direction. Especially if your gut instincts revolve around anxiety, rather than a sense of calm, when they're around, it could be a red flag that they're not meant to be in your life.
Of course, being around someone you find attractive or in the face of discomfort means anxiety can come up, but there's often a clear difference between someone who your nervous system deems "dangerous," and when you're simply facing a change or challenge.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
