If These 10 Behaviors Just Come Naturally To You, You’re More Emotionally Intelligent Than Most
Leah Newhouse | Pexels "Oh, ask Stacy. She always knows what to do." Stacy is more emotionally intelligent than most. That's why she knows what your boyfriend is thinking, even though she's never had more than a five-minute conversation with the dude.
Emotionally intelligent people just naturally become the advice-givers among their group of friends. Do you have a friend who seems to know what you're feeling before you've verbalized it? Research helped explain how this friend is emotionally intelligent. There are many of those people in the world. They are the healers, the untrained therapists among friends, and if these behaviors come naturally to you, it may be you whose more emotionally intelligent than most.
If these 10 behaviors just come naturally to you, you’re more emotionally intelligent than most:
1. You 'get' other people
When a person says, "You get me," they're communicating the fact that their emotions are clear to you. You have completely understood what they're conveying and, in turn, offered them useful feedback. You've mirrored back to them what they've been feeling for some time now. They haven't been able to articulate this feeling, but you managed to nail it in a sentence.
Couples counselor Audrey Tait said emotionally intelligent people will "look for a willingness to interact in ways that make people feel comfortable, while still being authentic. They look at how people in the room are receiving the energy and behaviors they're putting forth, and react if people react poorly. "
2. You eloquently speak your mind
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Emotionally intelligent people can say what's on their mind without pondering what it might be. You're unafraid of emotions. Perhaps you've spent some time in therapy. Maybe you're naturally self-aware. Whatever the case may be, you tell others what you feel when those feelings come to the surface.
Part of being emotionally intelligent is having the ability to express your feelings without being afraid of the consequences. The person on the other end of those feelings may not like what you have to say, but you own those feelings.
3. You've spent time in therapy
For the most part, people who have a keen emotional intelligence have spent time seeing a therapist. This is because these folks see the value in having emotional insight. Emotions are something to be treasured and cultivated.
People who are closed off from their emotions are the complete opposite. They don't see the value in seeing a therapist because they don't see emotions as an asset. Emotionally intelligent folks are the ones who feel things on a deeper level and are happy to tell their therapist about them. Exploring emotions in therapy provides emotionally intelligent people with self-awareness.
4. You're intuitive
Emotionally intelligent people sense when something is off in a relationship. Maybe your boyfriend is mad at you about something, but hasn't verbalized it. An emotionally intelligent person will say to their boyfriend, "Are you mad about something?" They aren't afraid to open up the dialogue and invite emotions into the conversation.
"During a work meeting, you sense a colleague’s unease despite their polite smile," explained life coach Larry Michel. "You check in later and find out they’re stressed about an upcoming deadline. Your ability to read emotional undercurrents means you notice things others miss. While this can feel heavy at times, it also helps you create spaces where others feel seen and supported."
5. You know when a relationship has run its course
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You sense when there's a shift in a relationship. Maybe you have a sense that your partner is cheating on you or that the relationship isn't going anywhere. Like it or not, you will be confronted with the fact that there's a change in the relationship, and you need to decide how to move forward with this valuable insight.
"I remember feeling like I was treading water, just going through the motions of my life day-to-day," said divorce coach María Tomás-Keegan. "There will come a point when you will have had enough of this, and you’ll be ready to move on. Acknowledging that you deserve the best is a great way to get started in figuring out how to get over a heartbreak."
6. You are a therapist
Sometimes, extremely emotionally intelligent people become therapists. This is great for the rest of us if we happen to be seeing these people as practitioners. You want an emotionally intelligent person as a therapist because this individual will provide you with insight into your behavior.
A study found emotionally intelligent leaders are good at "generating and maintaining enthusiasm, confidence, optimism, cooperation, and trust; encouraging flexibility in decision making and change; and establishing and maintaining a meaningful identity."
7. You understand why people behave the way they do
Emotionally intelligent people are extremely self-aware. They know why they do the things they do. Even if their behavior seems impulsive and self-destructive to others, they're aware of the reasons and motivations behind their behavior. If you ask an emotionally intelligent person why she did something perplexing to you, she will tell you clearly.
8. You don't make emotional assumptions
Emotionally intelligent people will ask their friends how they're feeling. They will periodically check in with their loved ones to see how they're doing.
Personal development coach Susie Pettit pointed out, "People are meant to be emotional beings, and should embrace all of their emotions to live a fully expressed life. In the same way that we can not paint a picture only using one or two colors, we can not live a fully experienced life when we’re only appreciating or giving value to the happy, feel-good emotions."
9. You think and pause before speaking
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When tensions rise and emotions heighten, people can say things in anger that they don't mean. Those with emotional intelligence know to take a moment of silence before speaking in anger.
"All you need to do is sit comfortably, close your eyes, and watch your thoughts and feelings go by for a few minutes," advised hypnotherapist Gloria Arenson. "Don't try to quiet the thoughts; instead, just watch them flow along in your mind, as if you were a passenger on a bus or train watching the scenes go by outside the window. I promise, you can't do this wrong."
10. You don't feel the need to speak all the time
Cultural commentator Ossiana Tepfenhart suggested that "Most people want to think about themselves and also talk about themselves. This is why most people tend to like people who let them talk about themselves. Rather than tell them about you, keep them interested by asking about them. Learn about their job, their hobbies, or even their family background. You’ll be surprised at how much warmer people will be when you let them just chat about themselves. "
Emotionally intelligent folks know that sometimes silence is golden. We don't need to fill our space with words all the time. Sometimes we need to chill and process a situation before we talk to one another.
Sarah Fader is the CEO and Founder of Stigma Fighters, a non-profit organization that encourages individuals with mental illness to share their personal stories. She is an author and blogger, having been featured on Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, HuffPost Live, and Good Day New York.
